It was the first time I’d ever gasped in real life. Not like the fake, theatrical gasp you throw into normal conversation for added affect. No, this was the real thing, loud enough to make everyone in the room turn and look at me.

“What?” I squeaked into the phone. “You’re doing what?”

I was experiencing every ex’s nightmare. My former boyfriend had announced that he was considering proposing to his girlfriend. Harrowing enough, but throw in the fact that she’s only eighteen, and that he’s only twenty, and it’s no wonder my mind was reeling. And this was the same boyfriend who had proposed to me less than a year before.

Of course I had said no. In fact (bitch that I am) I broke up with him. I’m a self-professed commitment-phobe, and the very idea of marriage makes me want to swap spit with tons of people in a reaffirmation of my freedom. Someone tying the knot before they can legally drink makes me physically ill.

But what’s more depressing to me is that my ex’s eagerness to settle down at a very young age is part of a national phenomenon. With the political pendulum swinging towards conservative values, abstinence and the “sanctity” of marriage have become prominent issues. We seem to be reeling backwards towards the colonial era, a time when getting married at age twenty was the norm.

Maybe I’m overreacting. But I have noticed more and more of my coupled friends bringing up — gasp! — the idea of marriage, as if the normal thing to do in college is irrevocably attach yourself to someone for the rest of your life. As much as I dig their optimism, I firmly believe that if you marry the first person you fall in love with, you’re leaving an entire world out there untapped (pun very much intended).

Thus I’m advocating the universal adoption of Gail Derecho’s (former assistant master of East Fairchild) “Date to Learn” theory. Through dating (and, yes, bedding) you learn more about yourself and about the world. Wanna learn a language? Expand your musical tastes? Learn a new sex position? What better way than to hook up with lots of different kinds of people and find out what clicks for you?

I’m not advocating becoming a (man)slut. I’m just saying that not every relationship has to be about finding “the one.” Not every person you fall for will be the person you want to wake up next to in fifty years. It’s okay to date people just because they’re interesting or sexy, not because you can see a future with them next year, next month, or even next week.

The moral of the story is that the second you start thinking about that white picket fence and 2.5 children, it’s definitely time to break up and move on.

KAMA SUTRA POSITION OF THE WEEK
“The Yawning.” In honor of my rant on marriage, this week’s position is essentially the missionary, but with a twist! It works for male/female couples as well as for male/male couples as well! (Sorry, ladies who dig ladies, I’ll get to you soon).

Here’s how to do it; the man is on his knees, the woman (or man) on his/her back. But whoever’s on their back has to put one leg on the person on top’s chest! Tricky, huh? Here’s an animated example if you’re a visual person.