Public service announcements are ridiculed for being preachy ads designed to scare us away from doing anything fun in life. I swear, if I see another PSA where those douchebags from Truth prance around dressed up like a cow telling me why I shouldn’t smoke, I’m going to buy a carton of Marlboros and smoke them all in a single sitting.

But PSAs have had a massive impact on our culture. After all, how often have you heard someone make a “this is your brain on drugs” joke? And why are characters like Smokey the Bear and McGruff the Crime Dog are still such prevalent players in pop culture?

To celebrate the overlooked art form that is the PSA, here are my top 10 advisory ads of all time:

10. David Lynch’s PSA

The most effective way to drive a PSA’s point across is fear. So who better to create a public service announcement than David Lynch, mastermind behind creepy cinema like Eraserhead.

In this spot, Lynch takes a rather tame subject (what’s scary about littering?) and, by employing blood-curdling music and black-and-white imagery (and most importantly, rats), transforms improper garbage disposal into a horrifying threat that will one day leave New York City covered with disgusting rodents.

9. Smoking Dog

If Bambi taught us anything, it’s that adorable animated animals are great communicators. This PSA takes it to the next level; not only do we have an adorable pooch, but he also talks.

This announcement raises numerous questions. Is that what a dog sounds like when it coughs? Is life so bad he has to turn to nicotine to escape the doldrums of the canine world? Is that dog talking?

But in the end, who cares? The dog talks.

8. I Pity the Fool Who Don’t Be Somebody!

When Mr. T tells you to be somebody, especially when he raps about it (and breaks into the robot about it), you best listen to him.

7. Use Condoms, Avoid Loud Annoying Children

Instead of reinforcing a message by sending you into fear-induced spasms (did you watch the Mr. T video?), this ad educates through humor. The best part about this spot is the message that, in an age where people claim every child is special, most kids are ear-shattering devil-spawn capable of making a bigger scene than Terrell Owens at training camp when they don’t get their “sweeties.” Use condoms, indeed.

6. Would You Like Some Lumps with your Tea?

Public service announcements have to tread the thin line between downright sad (people getting beat up) and outright hilarious (people getting beat up). So, what’s the best way to handle touchy subjects? Kids.

As you’ve probably noticed, children are quite the powerful tool in a PSA. Here, the “domestic abuse tea party” presents a rather serious issue, and is able to make the situation even more grave by placing innocent kids in the role of “typical Jerry Springer guests.” Most people probably wouldn’t laugh at this PSA, but I did, but then again, I also laughed at Mufasa getting trampled in The Lion King.

I’m not a very good human.

5. Goldwater = Boom

OK, this isn’t technically a public service announcement, but I’ll be damned if it couldn’t double for one. In 1964, Lyndon B. Johnson discovered he actually had to win an election to remain president, and specifically had to defeat lunatic candidate Barry Goldwater to stay in the Oval Office. So, in an era where a dog in a metallic potato orbiting the Earth made Americans invest in bomb shelters, Johnson capitalized on the situation by releasing this famous ad.

Again, a child takes center stage, but this time the topic isn’t a rodents or wife beating, but rather nuclear annihilation. It’s a great political spot, but it also serves as a great reminder that we should steer away from nuclear war, or else all our adorable children who don’t know what the number seven is will be blown up.

4. Smurfs of War

Another peaceful day in Smurf Village. Rabbits hop along, birds fly the friendly skies and a bunch of kids are happily singing. Singing, dancing, life is good!

What’s that sound? Is it Gargamel coming down from the hills to turn the Smurfs into gold/eat them? No it’s BOMBS.

This PSA works on so many levels; sure you can show people pictures of war-torn third-world nations, and they’ll probably feel bad for a little while, but there won’t be any lasting impact. Showing how war can devastate our fondest childhood memories — that sticks. Next week, Garfield sticks syringes in his eyes and Alf finds out he has AIDS.

3. Why Must You Litter? It Makes Me Cry

A true classic. You’ve probably seen this one a thousand times before, but here it is again.

2. British PSAs

Here’s the biggest differences between America and Britain besides the whole “chips” and “fries” thing: In the States, our PSAs feature terrible celebrity guests and woodland creatures. In England, kids get electrocuted.

1. Today’s Secret Word – Crack

What’s more horrifying than watching one of your fondest childhood memories being blown to smithereens or rapping? Answer: Watching a childhood hero belittle you and behaving a completely creepy manner.

Growing up, my childhood idol was Pee-Wee Herman. I could relate to Pee-Wee; he acted just like me (though slightly more hyperactive), and he showed me growing up wasn’t scary. I could still act like a kid and own a house full of talking furniture. Pee-Wee was another friend, one who screamed really loudly when you said the secret word.

So you can guess how mortified I was when I found this video. Location – what appears to be a police interrogation room. A lone figure sits in chair. Creepy music plays. Lights flash on. Pee-Wee Herman stares back at me, and holds up a vile of “crack – rock cocaine.” He proceeds to lecture me about how terrible this drug is, and how it won’t make me cool and how I will die. The end.

This is the most terrifying and, as a result, most effective PSA ever. I’ve never once seen Pee-Wee Herman in a non-ADD state, but here he is, completely serious, making me feel terrible for even looking at the crack. I don’t want to disappoint Pee-Wee. He’s scaring me. I will never do drugs, I swear, Pee-Wee! Please, just be happy and tell me the many uses giant underpants have.

Seeing a beloved childhood figure in a completely-frightening light is the best way to scare anyone away from drugs. Two important lessons learned:

1. If I do crack, Pee-Wee will hate me.
2. Never yank off in a movie theater, or else you may have to star in a PSA of your own.