Medill sophomore Taren Fujimoto answers your questions each week. Send in your dilemmas, quandaries and predicaments!

Dear Taren,
I have a semi-stalker and it’s freaking me out. He randomly shows up everywhere I go and insists on talking to me. I see him in the dining hall, in passing, hell, I even have him in one of my classes. He is so creepy and I wish he would leave me alone. How do I tell him to buzz off without being mean? Help!

—I hate being semi-stalked

Dear IHBS-S,
Um… just tell him to f*** off. And you’re not a big fan of direct approaches, try telling him you have your period — permanently — and his constant craving for unwanted conversations (and God knows what else) will eventually drive you to do something crazy, and in a bad way. Or you could of course, just be subtle – like walking way from him in the middle of a conversation or running for your life in the opposite direction as soon as you see him. Those tactics will definitely get the point across – and you’d never have to tell him face-to-face! =)

Although any one of the aforementioned tactics is worth a try, just be civil with him. Say “hi” when you see him and move on – quickly.

—Taren

Dear Taren,
As Family Weekend approaches, I’ve been a little concerned about the awkwardness that is about to ensue. My parents, who have been divorced for a few years now, are both coming to the football game with their new spouses. I know that this weekend will just turn into some crappy version of “American Beauty.” The problem is that I can’t convince them to come at different times. How can I best handle this?

—A worried “wish I could just hide the shot glasses and be done with it” student

Dear… okay an acronym would be too long, so I’mma do this Flava Flav style and I’mma call you “Poor Thing”,
Sorry if that was a bit insensitive, just trying to cheer you up. =D

But seriously…yikes! There is only one thing you can do: deal with it. While subduing your sorrows with ten million shots of alcohol may not be best the best thing for your wallet (or your health), the cheapest (and safest) way to assuage one hell of an awkward weekend is to talk to your parents, individually of course.

Tell them how you feel and ask them to keep their quarrels and parading of their new spouses to a minimum – after all, they both insisted on showing up for Family Weekend. And if that doesn’t work, count me in on the debauchery. Kidding. I’m a moral and upright person and am not legally allowed to do so, theoretically speaking. But look on the bright side: It’s only a weekend.

—Taren