Most Northwestern students spend more time in the dining hall than they do in the library. Here are some guidelines that you (especially you freshman) should consider following if you don’t want your fellow classmates, or our wonderful dining hall attendants, to impale you with a fork.

1. We all like an element of danger. Trying to get past the register without swiping your WildCard does not fall under that category. Just swipe it.
2. Don’t spend ten minutes trying to figure out which is a fork, a knife or a spoon. They all look different; getting your tray and silverware should take ten seconds tops.
3. Don’t stand talking to your friends when you’re in the entrance of the dining hall or blocking the line. There is plenty of time to catch up on “Lost” when you’re sitting down.
4. Scope out the dining hall as soon as you get there and decide what you want to eat while you’re waiting in line. This will cut back on the time you spend deciding whether you want fake-looking chicken or fake-looking beef when your turn comes up.
5. Decide immediately which line you want to stand in and stand in it!
6. Please do not take one leaf of lettuce at a time, or one noodle, or one French fry, or one strawberry, and so on and so forth.
7. Don’t hold up the entire line waiting for the servers to bring out more pasta. Come back later.
8. Don’t be the person who spills soup all over the place because he can’t get the ladle from the pot to the bowl.
9. Don’t take all but one buffalo wing. People will hurt you.
10. Don’t stand at the drink machine and take a big gulp, dump it out, try something else, dump it out, and THEN get what you want.
11. Imaginary friends don’t need seats! Sit at a smaller table and leave room for bigger groups.
12. There is such a thing as getting seconds and thirds. Grab what you can on your first trip, sit down, eat what you have and go back later.
13. The main goal is to get in and out of the serving area as quickly as possible; if you see an opening in a line that you can sneak in without pissing people off, take it.
14. If you spill something, wipe it up, lick it up, shove it in your purse…whatever it takes to get it off the table before the next group arrives.
15. Please don’t leave your tray on the table and expect your friends to return it. You’re not that cool.
16. Try not to use a utensil to impale people who aren’t following these guidelines!

Good luck at your next dining adventure!