Words of advice (and consolation) for NU virgins
Remember American Pie? That teen flick in which a group of guys make a pact to lose their virginity before prom night?
It came out when I was in seventh grade, and for the next five years, I believed that it was normal to “give it up” before walking at graduation. Everyone who didn’t was some kind of socially inept freak.
My American Pie view of things got turned on its face my freshman year of college. If you haven’t already noticed, Northwestern is practically drowning in virginity. Chastity abounds on every part of campus.
I was puzzled by this at first. Most of the virgins I met at NU were not exactly the nerdy losers that I had envisioned. The majority of them were, in fact, attractive and highly social. I was stupefied. Why were there so damn many?
To find out, I took a very scientific poll (meaning I asked people to write their virgin status on my whiteboard). According to my highly accurate results, a whopping forty percent of this campus still holds their V-card!
Ok, so my results are grossly skewed. But nobody will deny that this campus ranks pretty high on the purity scale.
What gives? Is it because we were the “smart” ones in high school, therefore decreasing our desirability in the teen hierarchy? If that’s the case, then why aren’t we banging our fellow geeks now that we’re all confined to the same campus?
The most obvious culprit for Northwestern’s widespread abstinence is religion. There are a good number of people here who believe in waiting until marriage to have sex because of religious or moral beliefs. And so to I say to them: All the more power to you! Just make sure you have a good vibrator.
Let’s just say, for the sake of argument (and the relevance of this column) that you’re not in this category. You’re not particularly religious, and the only reason you still remain a virgin in college is because it simply “hasn’t happened yet.” You’re looking for the right person, you say, and you want your first time to be “perfect.”
Here’s a newsflash: It probably won’t be. No matter what you do, the first time will be awkward and maybe even kind of a letdown.
But that’s not to say you shouldn’t do it! In fact, I would strongly advocate taking the dive (I’m a sex columnist, what did you expect?). Just bear in mind that your first time will be something that you will remember for the rest of your life.
Here are some words of advice:
• Only have sex with someone you’re comfortable with. You don’t have to be in a relationship or even “together.” But you should be able to discuss birth control, sexual history, your emotions, and STDs with the person, and not blush at the idea of being completely naked in front of them. Communication is key.
• Remember that there are plenty of good reasons to have sex. Usually you’re in love, you feel emotionally and sexually ready, or you’re just curious. Saving a relationship or feeling pressured to are obviously not good reasons.
• Remember that you can always change your mind, and don’t do it if you’re going to regret it in the morning (here’s a hint: if you’ve had nine shots of Jagermeister, you’re probably going to regret it).
• Make sure you’ve done your homework. What kind of birth control will you use? I advocate condoms, especially if the other person has had other sexual partners. And don’t forget the lube! If something does go wrong (and by wrong I mean that the pregnancy test comes back positive), have a game plan.
• Reading a few sex books beforehand doesn’t hurt either. I recommend “Guide to Getting it On!” by Paul Joannides.
So if you’re freshman (or senior) in college and you’re still holding your V-card, don’t be shy about it. You’re in good company at Northwestern. Go forth, nerdlings, and try not to multiply!
| Print
I second the Guide to Getting in On, and would like to note that I’ve never regretted anything involving Jagermeister.
Tommy Rousse
November 1, 2006 at 11:19 pm
Hot Sex and How to Do It by Tracey Cox.
I mean, the last name says it all…
Emily Vaughan
November 2, 2006 at 12:38 am
That would be my second recommendation as far as sex books go–less factual than The Guide but with better visuals!
Jessi Knowles
November 2, 2006 at 12:44 am
I’d just like to point out that another reason why one may be still be a virgin is simply because of a lack of a sex drive. There IS such a thing as asexuality. Some of us aren’t waiting for the “right moment” nor aren’t holding out for religious reasons. Some of us simply find sex to be as appealing as playing a game of chess. Let us be heard.
ClosetedAsexual
November 2, 2006 at 2:52 pm
Yeah…but you’re the minority. To all non-Virgins: be assured, most of us would like to have sex and are indeed waiting for the right moment and are perfectly willing to have sex with you given the chance.
SexualVirgin
November 9, 2006 at 2:59 am
I don’t know…I think chess is pretty fun.
Given that, there is such a thing as asexuality. There hasn’t been much research done on it, but according to one UK poll, about 1% of the population identifies as asexual. And according to Wikipedia, you’re in good company; Emily Bronte, Isaac Newton, and Immanuel Kant all identitfied as being asexual.
Jessi Knowles
November 9, 2006 at 11:03 am
I think the elevated virginity level at NU is also due to the fact that everyone is smart! Most people, especially girls, are and were well aware of the potential consequences of sex. Also, they are/did have enough foresight to realize “hey, why throw it away to this mediocre guy who cracks ‘yo momma’ jokes every two seconds – I deserve better.” Or, theyjust have impossibly high standards that not even they could reach and need to get the hell over it, like myself.
Lady in Waiting
December 9, 2006 at 9:20 pm
I don’t think intelligence has anything to do with it. A “smart” person will not only recognize the potential consequences of sex but also the ways of avoiding them. I’d say that 99% of the U.S. population knows that sex can result in both pregnancy and STIs (gasp!) but also knows that condoms protect against both.
I think it’s superior to say that anybody who wasn’t “smart” enough to get into NU is incapable of making good sexual decisions. Trust me, I’ve seen plenty of straight-A students here make some really bad ones.
Jessi Knowles
December 19, 2006 at 12:57 am