Tips for a drama-free threesome
They say that college is the perfect time for experimentation. During these four years it’s perfectly acceptable to change majors just as often as you change underwear. It’s also acceptable to drink to the point of alcoholism, or to run around in public naked, or to see how long you can survive on ramen alone.
The best part? After graduation you get to write off your ridiculous behavior as those “crazy college years.”
College also presents the ideal environment for sexual experimentation – hordes of sexually ravenous youngsters hopped up on booze living together in co-ed dorms. Whether it’s the infamous four-year queer or the guy who sleeps with a different girl each weekend, college students everywhere are testing the sexual waters. And what is the most cliché form of collegiate sexual experimentation? You got it – the threesome.
Yes, the threesome. This is high up on most people’s fantasy lists, and they’re happening all over college campuses. If you’re enticed by the idea of sharing your bed with multiple partners at a time, follow these guidelines to make sure your fun doesn’t end in disaster.
- Be careful when couples are involved. If you’re in a relationship with someone you truly care about, adding another person to the mix is likely to make things messy. Asking if you can bring someone else into the bedroom is likely to raise all sorts of questions for your significant other: “Am I not good enough?” “Does my partner find him/her more attractive than me?” “Is this a prelude to my partner saying that they want to see other people?” “Is my partner gay?” Even if the answer to all of these questions is no, you’ve still created a situation where your partner is self-conscious and not very likely to enjoy themself. If you decide to go through with it, be prepared for some jealously and the possibility that it could ruin your relationship.
- Make sure you pick the right people. If you’re in a relationship, there’s only one other person to pick, and there are all sorts of considerations to be taken into account. Do you want someone who is male or female? In a heterosexual relationship, the guy and the girl probably have very different ideas about what a threesome consists of. Do you want someone who identifies as straight, or gay, or bisexual? If you’re two gay males, you’re probably not looking for a straight girl to join you. Do you want a friend or someone you don’t know that well? If it’s a friend, you could ruin a friendship, but you don’t want to jump in bed with someone you don’t know, either. Whatever combination of guy/girl/gay/straight/friend/stranger you have, make sure it’s a good match for everyone involved.
- Make sure everyone’s comfortable with the idea. If you’re dealing with a significant other, they may be going along with it just to please you. Make sure that your excitement about the idea isn’t making you blind to their reluctance. And never, ever pressure someone to do something sexually they don’t want to.
- Establish rules. Is kissing allowed? Who penetrates who? Who touches who? Which sex acts are permitted and which are not? Who gets to spend the night? Will sexual orientations present an issue? Whatever the boundaries are, make sure everyone agrees and then don’t cross them. If someone does cross them, it’s perfectly fair to ask them to leave.
- Don’t be drunk. Sure, drinking is usually a prelude to threesomes, but that doesn’t mean that you need to down a fifth of vodka beforehand. Alcohol will impair your judgement, make you forget previously established rules, and kill your coordination. Plus, too many drinks and you won’t remember what happened, and who wants that? Have a drink or two to loosen up, then put the bottle away.
- Use protection. Change condoms every time you switch partners for penetrative sex (this goes for anal sex of any kind – i.e. don’t go from anal to vaginal without rewrapping). Use condoms and dental dams for oral sex. Only have sex with people you trust and who take good care of their sexual health.
- Make everyone happy. Since there’s three of you, one person is going to feel left out from time to time. Try your best to make everyone feel included.
- Be prepared for the fallout. When the sex is over, the situation can get awkward. Hopefully you’ve already established who goes and who stays, so the extra person (or two) can excuse themselves and make a quick exit. If you’re in a relationship, wait until the other person is gone and then assure your significant other how much you love and appreciate him or her. They might be feeling a little unwanted, so make it clear that you care about them first and foremost.
Threesomes are tricky business. But on the “crazy shit I did in college,” meter, it ranks way higher than streaking.
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This was soooo helpful. I was looking for something to email to my boyfriend to help our decision.
Aisha Fields
October 15, 2007 at 9:11 pm
If you have to email your boyfriend about a 3-some – things are already f-’d up LOL
C0LDSH07
November 21, 2007 at 11:47 am
Piss off coldsho7.
mmhmm
November 25, 2007 at 2:39 am
We had a 3-way years ago. My wife got pregnant with that other guys baby. Nice.
Joe
January 7, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Threesome + two guys = frowny face… unless one of those guys is Han Solo.
wtf?
January 7, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Just be careful not to cross lightsabers if you’re with Han Solo. That wouldn’t be pretty.
Luke
January 7, 2008 at 10:18 pm
I found this advice really usefull, thank-you to the preson that posted it.
Dark Wanderer
January 24, 2008 at 1:16 pm
This is good. In hindsight I would add that you’ll want to do your best to make sure that no one feels left out, always give more attention to the partner with whom you have a relationship.
deborah
March 18, 2008 at 1:53 pm
This information is amazing I just recently had a threesome and it was incredible. I am in a strong happy relationship and I was nervous about if we would feel awkward at the end but we are all really comfortable. Having a friendship in the beginning helped out tremendously. When me and my boyfriend came home he expressed how much he loves me and that I am the one that comes home with him and I am the one that he loves. I didn’t feel threatened by the situation or when she’s around (even though it’s been almost every day we get a phone call) i think it has pulled us closer together. i have a new saying that says “I guess we can’t eat spaghetti every night”. So now the secret code word is spaghetti!! Have fun and be safe! ~Hill
Hillary
June 2, 2008 at 8:53 am
Thanks for this article. I’m now contemplating an invite to a threesome and never having had the experience, this was good advice.
Dharma
July 26, 2008 at 5:17 am
me and my boyfreind are going to have a threesome, with his best friend, it was my boyfriend who says his friend wanted 2 sleep with me then it turned into having a threesome, will it affect there friendship and our relationship. Im really up for it and my boyfriend gets turned on just talking about it but im just not sure, some advice please,
shivr 1
September 27, 2008 at 8:52 pm
His best friends relationship is not stable at the moment so we asked him if he was up for it and he wasnt sure then he was so we r going too see how things go, Will it ruin things for us all or make things better, please help me someone, guys r hard 2 talk 2 sometimes!!!
shivr2 anya shesh help
September 27, 2008 at 8:57 pm
It is hard to find a woman who is up to sleeping with me and my girlfriend…where to start? Internet seems tacky and it is interesting because I am american and she is German. You would think it would be easy to find someone in europe. We are both attractive so that is not the problem…it just seems that you have to find what feels right. Both of us are picky with the same tastes…maybe our type has not crossed our path yet.
joe
October 17, 2008 at 3:50 pm
My husband & I both have had a 3some prior to our marriage, but we are both very attracted to a friend of mine! We’ve hinted & I’ve talked to her about it! She hasn’t flat out refused, but hasn’t quite said yes! We plan to go out in a couple of weeks, just me & her! we get crazy when we go out, but my husband is nervous that she won’t include him? How would you ask her? straight up, would you have sexual relations w/ my husband? lol
ladydee345
October 27, 2008 at 11:21 am
um. ok so i dont know wat to do still…its me, my bf and my best friend…i dont wanna ruin the relationship with either and they r both really excited about it and its to late for me to back out…. i dont want him to become more attracted to her than me… hes known as a hore and i no he would want to trade me in which i now think why the hell am i trying to please him… i cant handle it but please i need to know wat to do so that i can at least be better at it than her
dd
November 5, 2008 at 1:05 am
Wife and I have talked about a 3some and one of my best female friends wants to jam. The thing now is getting the two together… Any advice?
Whicked
November 18, 2008 at 2:07 pm
I was thinking about having a threesome qith my boyfriend and one of my best friend, and i ask him if he would like to do it and he said yes. So i asked my friend if she would like to join a threesome with us and she said that she was down.. but now i’m afraid of what could happen after and still wanna do it… any advise
An
November 20, 2008 at 2:28 am
Anything could happen I was in an open marriage and was seeing mine and my husbands best friend and we did the whole threesome thing where I please them both which caused alot of jealousy for husband cause best friend and I fell in love backed off eachother for a few months closed my marriage and husband tried to get with one of my girlfriends so we seperated and I am back with my true love the best friend and going through divorce but we r all still friends! Now my true love and I r working a threesome MFF with women not in the area we live, since I am bi he just wants to be with me while im with the other girl cause thats how strong r relationship is! If u have a strong loving secure relationship I say go for it but make sure it isnt a best friend cause if a best friend is quick to jump at it then your best friend may try to out do you and take your man make it a causual encounter no strings attached even if my man got involved its ok it just makes a relationship stronger once the fantasy is complete he has lots of bi female friends but he loves me and doesnt want to test the waters or jepordize what we have together!
diamond
December 9, 2008 at 9:54 am
I had always wanted to have a 3some. When me & my current boyfriend got 2gether we talked about it & after a year finally ended up doin it. I really enjoyed myself we ended up meeting a female off of the chat line so that there were no strings attached.actually now we’ve done it more than once. Try it I guarantee you you’ll like it especially if u pick d right person.
juicyiam
February 18, 2009 at 5:14 am
It’s really hard to find someone to have a threesome with! My husband and very I are two young people 24 and 25; attractive and we are having the hardest of time finding someone who wants to join in. We just want someone to be a casual friend and get tested. It’s like finding a needle in a hay stack.
King
February 28, 2009 at 8:49 pm