My first year at Northwestern is now complete: I have seen both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, the Comedy Central gods.

Jon Stewart’s comedy routine at the Rosemont Theatre Saturday night wasn’t nearly as exciting as last October when I ran down Sheridan Road with mobs of Northwestern students throwing their bras at Stephen Colbert. It was, however, much more satisfying.

Granted, Jon Stewart did look incredibly small (the discounted tickets A&O Productions offered Northwestern students were in the last few rows of the 4,400 seat theater). Nevertheless, Stewart’s irresistible charm and quick wit made the nosebleed worthwhile.

Stewart opened the show with sharp criticism of the Democratic presidential candidates, including Barack Obama.

“The Democrats’ big hope is a guy whose name rhymes with the number one enemy in the world,” Stewart said. “It’s like when the Democrats in the ’40s ran Gaydolf Shitler.”

If any Democrat wins the election, it will be a historic moment, Stewart assured the audience.

“If Hillary wins, you have the first woman president. If Obama wins you have the first black president, and if Dennis Kucinich wins it will be the first Leprechaun president,” Stewart said.

He didn’t, however, foresee Al Gore running for the presidency again.

“Al Gore ain’t eating like he’s running anywhere,” Stewart said. “I don’t think when he’s sitting down at a dessert table he should be saying ‘conservation is a virtue.’”

His biggest laughs, however, came when he explained his theory on why President Bush
has made so many terrible decisions in office. According to Stewart, the White House figured out that Americans are just too busy to really hold them accountable.

“[Bush] is not stupid. Stupid is ‘Oh my god, I just ate soap,’” Stewart said. “What Bush is doing is purposeful manipulation.”

Bush’s poor public speaking skills are a part of this purposeful manipulation. Stewart said that Bush doesn’t talk stupidly, he just talks like he’s speaking to someone he thinks is stupid. Bush fools us into accepting things just by re-naming them.

“As Bush said, ‘we don’t torture, it’s freedom tickling,’” Stewart joked.

The harshest jabs at the Republican Party came when Stewart challenged the audience to go to work for one week and act like Dick Cheney without getting fired.

“Dick Cheney is the only man in the country who gets away with being wrong all the time,” Stewart said. “There’s only one situation in which I would consider asking Dick Cheney for advice, and that’s if I had a dead hooker in my room.”

Although Stewart’s political commentary drew big laughs, he fell flat when he ventured away from the political sphere. No one came to the theater that night wanting to hear about his obsession with video games, his troubles with computers, or his personal masturbation habits. Nevertheless, the perilous journey on the interstate was still worth the pleasure of seeing Stewart live.