I will not be rushing a fraternity this year for many reasons that will remain silent, but I understand many males are probably debating whether or not they constitute Greek material. Tonight marks the first night of rush activities, featuring plenty of free food and after-dinner activities. Every house has some super fun thing scheduled, but only Fiji presents Break Stuff Night, an event (I’m told by someone who partook in the breaking of stuff last year) involving going into a room full of old TVs, mirrors and other assorted items armed with a bludgeoning device and going to town on said inanimate items. Besides being a great way to get rid of your Gamecube, Break Stuff Night will help determine whether you are ready for frat life, or should stick to cooking ramen by yourself in Foster-Walker.

To help you maximize your smashin’ ability, I’ve compiled the “Break Stuff Mixtape,” a collection of songs guaranteed to release your inner-most rage and channel it squarely onto the unsuspecting body of an IKEA blender.

1. “Enter Sandman” by Metallica - Every great man needs an intro. Do the New England Patriots run onto the field with no blaring music? Did The Rock enter the ring without a bitching intro song? Geez, even the president of the United States has “Hail to the Chief” booming out of the PA before he goes all John Wayne on Middle Eastern countries. You can’t just start dropping the hammer (metaphorically and literally) on old teapots without a proper entrance. Nothing better than “Enter Sandman,” those rockin’ guitars building up to an explosion of hate you can use to start wailing away on a fax machine.

2. “The Trooper” by Iron Maiden - After such a high-adrenaline opening, you need to keep the rush (ah, shit, broheim, did you see what I did there???) going. “The Trooper” not only feels like a thousand cans of Whoop Ass energy drink surging through your veins at once, but is also one of the hardest songs to beat on Guitar Hero II. You’ll be smashing plates extra hard knowing you totally aced this song on the hardest setting while also fantasizing about all the Guitar Hero III and Rock Band you and your bros will be playing. Becasue real instruments are for pussies who wear tweed jackets and don’t watch American Gladiators.

3. “Fight For Your Right” by The Beastie Boys - Joining a fraternity isn’t all Irish Car Bombs and NU girls with low self-esteem, dude. Frat dudes face rampant discrimination and scrutiny from all sides, including fellow students who are uber-jealous they didn’t get into the frat of their choice and school officials who don’t know what fun is, and can’t grasp the concept every college student in the nation parties like a rockstar (almost made the tape, sorry) and shouldn’t be penalized for having a good time, even if that good time ends at urgent care. Thankfully, The Beastie Boys feel your pain, and penned the anthem to your discrimination. The Beasties are just like you, fun seekers who are most likely white. Truly a targeted bunch. Pretend that old microwave is actually Mary Desler while this tune plays, and your set. You do philanthropy, for Bro’s sake, you have earned the right to avoid all criticism and just PARTAYYY.

4. “Seasons of Love” by RENT - Leave on for any girls who happen to find this. Chicks dig this, and you’ll be heading to Hook-Up City on the 10:05 Tongue Express if you got this somewhere. Alternatively, could unleash pure hate for the world.

5. “Bodysnatchers” by Radiohead - You go to NU, bro! You are smarter than the average duder, and you listen to stuff like Radiohead, music for smart people! Well, you thought “Creep” rocked, but then they got all weird and lame and started singing about robots and aliens and all sorts of shit sensitive people are into. The only good robot is a Battlebot! But these guys finally saw the rock-and-roll light, and released this chuggin’ ditty. Just listen to those guitars, they sound like something I could smash a NASCAR collectible plate to! I don’t know what the hell they are talking about, probably girly alien robots, but this one will keep the energy pumping as you enter the finale….

6. “Here’s to the Night” by Eve 6 – After you break your last VCR into a million little pieces, this should be playing, a reminder of what this night means to you. For tonight, you have begun your voyage to not only fratdom, but manhood, and this song will conjure images of you and your future-frat-friends bringing the ruckus to an old Furby whenever you listen to it. Just don’t cry, Richard Simmons would cry, and you aren’t Richard Simmons.