New this week in theaters is a surprisingly well-received dance movie, a Cannes darling from Romania and none other than the Italian Stallion. Get excited.

Rambo

Wait, Sylvester Stallone is still alive? Apparently so, and he’s bringing back emotionless acting and improbable, senseless violence once again!

This time around he’s fighting a civil war in Burma, saving defenseless maidens from a really awkward rape scene and making Keanu Reeves in The Matrix look filled with depth.

He’s the one, he’s the only. He’s Rambo.

How She Move

Plot: A once-rich girl falls on hard luck and has to go back to the public school she came from. With dreams of med-school sparkling in her eyes but without the money to afford it, she joins a dance troupe trying to win some money and cred. There’s some falling in love and cool dancing.

It’s Save the Last Dance without the racial tension and with a grammatically incorrect title, but apparently it’s not bad. “Moody, intelligent take on conventional material,” said Justin Chang of Variety.

Untraceable

Cybercrime is the new historical murder.

No more Black Dahlias and Jack the Rippers, it’s time for a new breed of killer. Smarter, faster, more mysterious and he’s even inviting you to join in the fun. Premise: A serial killer has a web site where you can watch him kill people. The more people who visit the site, the faster the victim dies. The catch? He’s untraceable! (Get it?)

The reviews have been mixed. Joe Leydon of Variety called it “a satisfying slice of solidly crafted meat-and-potatoes filmmaking” while Slant Magazine is less nice, saying that “It’s easy to pin down the influences of Gregory Hoblit’s serial killer snoozer.”

4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days

Discoveries are awesome. Two made today? They make movies in Romania and they are supposed to be good, really good.

4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days won the top prize at Cannes this year and made a ton of top ten lists. This story about two friends in Communist Romania trying to procure a hasty and illegal abortion in college is political, realistic and depressing. Not for the faint of heart or those looking for a pick me up. This is the stuff the critics talk about when they say “serious filmmaking.”

It’s not for everyone, but if you don’t mind pulling out The Thinker pose for an afternoon, it should certainly be worth it. “Harrowing realism; the camerawork is skillful, with many scenes unfolding in one, locked frame; and the performances are superb,” says Time Out.

Oh, did I mention? It’s sort of slow and in Romanian.

If a pick me up is what you’re going for, The Girls Next Door DVDs just came out. Follow Hugh Hefner’s girls around as they play (mostly naked), talk (mostly naked) and go to bed (I don’t even want to know how naked they are then).

Looking for more serious filmmaking? There’s the French bio-pic, Moliere; Confessions of a Superhero, a documentary about the lives of those men and women prowling the streets of Hollywood wanting to take a picture with you!; and how could I forget The Game Plan with The Rock? Cinema at its finest, no doubt.