“How do I convince her to give up the butt?”
How do I convince my girlfriend to give up the butt?
-John
Honestly, why do I answer these anymore?
John, I’m assuming you asked your girlfriend for anal sex. And I’m also assuming that she said no. Actually, the scene I’m picturing in my head involves her slapping you silly while squealing “Ew! Gross!”
Sorry to break it to you, John, but that kind of reaction means no anal for you. If your lady doesn’t want it, then you should respect her boundaries.
But if you really can’t live without anal sex, maybe you should get yourself a more open-minded girlfriend, John. Or maybe you should beg and wheedle and guilt-trip her until she breaks down and consents. Or until she dumps you for being such a whiny, anal-sex obsessed loser.
Honestly, I can’t blame her for being squeamish. For most women, that area is off-limits. Which, of course, means that men will do anything to get down there. It’s new! It’s different! And men love putting their dipsticks into the vast unknown!
Simply put, the anus is not an erogenous zone on women. Men have prostates that make anal sex pleasurable, but women have nada, zilch in the area (anything good, that is). If your girlfriend agrees to have anal sex with you, it would be pretty much for your pleasure only – which means that maybe you should consider doing something nice for her in exchange.
Before I get any nasty emails: yes, there are women out there who enjoy anal sex. Probably enough women to populate a small island. A very adventurous, open-minded island.
But I digress. John, if you’re really interested in having anal sex with your girlfriend, sit her down in a non-sexual situation and explain, in detail, why it’s so important to you. Not the lame reasons why (“I saw it in a porn and it looked awesome!”) but good reasons (“It’ll add variety to our sex life”). If she still says no, then you’re going to have to be satisfied with boring old vaginal sex.
But if she says yes, you’d better stock up on lube. And be prepared to deal with the unpleasantries. Your girlfriend may be sexy, but she certainly isn’t storing fluffy bunnies and rainbows up there.
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Set up a movie date to put her in the mood. Or you can return home.
Thank you for the advice. I wrote my girlfriend a letter on the pros and cons of putting it in her butt after reading your column, and as we speak, she is in the bathroom preparing for our adventure into the unknown right now. You are the best sex columnist I’ve ever read! I can’t wait for this shit.
John
January 28, 2008 at 9:19 pm
“I can’t wait for this shit.” -John
Literally.
Vi-An Nguyen
January 28, 2008 at 10:09 pm
I just wanted to point out a minor inaccuracy in your article:
“Simply put, the anus is not an erogenous zone on women. Men have prostates that make anal sex pleasurable, but women have nada, zilch in the area (anything good, that is).”
Actually, the anus itself has more nerve endings than almost any area of the body other than the genitals. Next time you’re going down on your bf or gf, give it a little lick and you’ll see what I mean–it can feel pretty fucking amazing. Also, in women, the rectum shares a wall with the vagina (check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_reproductive_system), which is why some women report being able to orgasm from anal sex alone.
Other than that, looks like pretty sound advice (though his question was a little ambiguous… are you sure he wasn’t looking for a way to convince her to give it to HIM up the butt… that’s what I read at first haha)
Robert
January 30, 2008 at 1:26 am
“Men have prostates that make anal sex pleasurable, but women have nada, zilch in the area (anything good, that is).”
Wrong. The anus has one of the highest concentrations of nerve endings anywhere on the body. You know how good it feels when you take a big shit? Imagine that, but in reverse. DIVINE!
urdumb
January 30, 2008 at 2:16 am
since when was the sex coach a doctor? of course the femal anas has nerve endings!! awkward!
pora
October 8, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Dan Savage of Savage Love fame has some great advice for anyone wary of anal:
I am a 27-year-old hetero female. My new boyfriend is 24 and kinky. Before I met him, I had never been bound or spanked or had any kind of sex that was not “vanilla.” I have enjoyed everything we have done and I trust him. Now he wants anal sex. He has what I think is an average dick—based on the three others I’ve seen—but I’m afraid that it will be painful. Am I a big baby?
Another Needing Anal Lessons
I order you to start having anal sex with your boyfriend immediately, ANAL. Tons of anal—but without letting your boyfriend’s cock come anywhere near your ass, ‘kay?
In other words: yes to anal, no to dick. Think tongues, lubed-up fingers, very small toys, and smooth, clean vibrators used non-insertively (which is fancy sex-advice talk for “lay the vibrator on your asshole, don’t shove it the fuck in”). If you find that you enjoy other kinds of anal sex—and you will—your boyfriend’s dick may start to look like a shiny new toy, or an enticing upgrade, and not the intimidating asshammer that it appears to be now.
But for this to work, your boyfriend has to swear on a stack of Jack Morin’s Anal and Pleasure & Healths that he will pleasure your ass, and get you off, without attempting to rush you or pressure you into dick-in-ass buttfucking until you decide you’re ready.
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=680268
Good luck John!
Dan Savage Fanatic
October 8, 2008 at 3:16 pm