The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: The Grammys
Time for the 50th Anniversary of the Grammy Awards, the big empty circus that lets Hollywood prove just how far out of touch with music they really are. I put myself through three hours of awkward pairings and meaningless speeches to bring you, faithful reader, the highlights.
The Good
Amy Winehouse. She’s back. She was sassy, adorable, and absolutely shocked when she won Record of the Year. There’s no real reason for the surprise, she had already won Song of the Year, Best New Artist, Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, and Best Pop Vocal Album. Normally I’d lament the loss of the naked, druggy, and bloody tabloid photos, but it was so nice to see her holding a microphone instead of a crack pipe that I didn’t even care. Besides, we’ve always got Pete Doherty.
Kanye West. His duet with Daft Punk was what the future should be, all mashed-up space beats and glow in the dark outfits. Kanye then took it down a notch and performed “Hey Mama,” for his mother just a few months after her death. The display of stripped down emotion was completely out of place on the Grammys, in the best way possible. He even made them stop playing the “shut-up” music so that he could give a speech to his mom when he was accepting his Grammy for best rap album. No one interrupts Kanye.
Herbie Hancock. The winner of this year’s Album of the Year turned out to be a jazz musician no one had heard of. Not Amy Winehouse, not the Foo Fighters, not Kanye West could beat out Herbie Hancock. The man was so nervous when he went up to accept the award that he dropped his acceptance speech on the floor.
The Bad
Umbrella. I realized while I was watching the ventriloquist move Rihanna’s lips that “Umbrella” is the worst song of the year. And it won the Grammy for Best Rap/Sung Collaboration. The performance was absolutely ridiculous, with dancers twirling umbrellas in the hopes that no one would actually stop and listen to the song.
Carrie Underwood. Carrie Underwood brought an unholy Honky-Tonk Apocalypse to the Grammys. She came out performing her Barbie-gone-bad act and cursing her cheating ex while dancers hit cars with sticks. I’m sure it was all very frightening and convincing to the 12-year-olds that make up Carrie Underwood’s fan-base. Just remember girls: when you’re out to get vengeance, make sure you wear your leather-trimmed short-shorts.
Brad Paisley. Some people remember when country songs were more than just Ford truck commercials. Brad Paisley is not one of those people. He plays songs about checking a girl for ticks and NASCAR-addled minds all over the bottom half of this country eat it up. It almost makes me glad Johnny Cash isn’t here to see this.
The Ugly
The Foo Fighters. Guys, I love that you’re trying to show your solidarity with the writer’s strike by not cutting your hair, really, that’s sweet. But the strike is pretty much over. You won best rock album, you can shave now, it’s alright.
George Lopez. Were all the real comedians busy on Sunday night? Come on now, surely the Grammys could’ve gotten someone besides George Lopez. His joke was that America is the only country where a woman and a black man can run for President of the United States of America. Guess what George? America is the only country where anyone can run for President of the United States of America. Then he made fun of how much people hate Mexicans. I guess the entertainment industry can’t make it through an evening without cheap, racist humor.
Fergie. This one doesn’t really need an explanation. No one wants to see Fergie performing a ballad with John Legend. Fergie doesn’t have talent, she has humps. America wants humps.
Herbie Hancock is one of the most respected jazz musicians of the last 40 years. He worked with Miles Davis, patented the use of scratching in recorded music, and was a jazz innovator in usage of new mediums. I don’t know if you were being facetious when you suggested that no one had heard of him, but rest assured, he’s contributed more to American music than any of the other Album of the Year nominees have.
Jeremy
February 11, 2008 at 11:17 pm
i know who herbie hancock is, yet i’m still floored he got album of the year. i haven’t heard his album, but i ask people who have: did he really make the best jazz album of the year? and if so, did it really surpass what happened in every other genre of music in 2007? i really don’t know, i know almost nothing about jazz. but if he had, i feel like i should have heard about it before the grammys. it really was a great year for music, across genres (well, maybe not rap), and i know the grammys are ultimately completely irrelevant… but still, i’m just so shocked they would prove their irrelevance by giving their top award to a “legendary” artist in a year he didn’t make waves across the music world like Winehouse did. he’s a jazz legend — yeah. but did he deserve it THIS year? do jazz people think he deserved it? i haven’t seen anyone say so. please speak up if you think that’s the case.
surprised
February 11, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Jazz is something of a niche. If you know jazz, you know Herbie.
Vi-An Nguyen
February 12, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Vi-An put it best, guys. I know Herbie, but I agree that most people don’t know Herbie. People who knew Kanye and Amy Winehouse and Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood and Rihanna (who did nothing but flirt with Jay-Z during her acceptance speech; is he banging her AND Beyonce? Now there’s a man who calls himself a playa and can back it up), those people don’t know Herbie. And it’s a damn shame, because he’s one of the few people there with powerful understanding of both the academic aspects of music as well as the emotional. Amy Winehouse and Kanye both understand a decent portion of the emotional, certainly more than the industry puppets from American Idol and Jay-Z’s private brothel, but to do such an excellent job with Rhapsody in Blue, that takes a little more than saucy vocals or catchy sampling.
I also would’ve added Feist to the list of Good, because her performance was on the same kind of stripped-away lines as Kanye’s mother dedication. Just a girl and a guitar and a Staples Center full of people who don’t understand music.
Steve
February 17, 2008 at 10:04 pm
I was just glad to see that Beyonce, Rihanna and most noticably ALICA KEYs were rocking some really hot lace wigs!
Lace Wig
July 7, 2008 at 4:11 pm