Oh, Heidi Klum. There’s a reason why people call her The Body and not The Heart. It’s real nice of her to invite Britney Spears into her house while she tries to put her messy life back together and all. But we’re not convinced she’ll like it when the Kraut puts the kibosh on the coke. Still, we can’t help but imagine what it would be like if Britney, Bitch and The Body (along with the whole family Klum) shacked up:

BRITNEY SPEARS: Mornin’ y’all.

HEIDI KLUM: Britney, where were you last night? Were you in, or were you out?

BRITNEY SPEARS: Well I was out with mah pals Lindsay and Adnan. Boys, sometimes a girl just needs one.

HEIDI KLUM: Britney, living with me and Seal is a chance of a lifetime. And as you know in Heidi-rehab, one day you’re in, the next day you’re out on your ass in the street.

BRITNEY SPEARS: Well, I—Everybody’s talking all this stuff about me; why don’t they just let me live? I don’t need permission, make my own decisions. That’s my prerogative.

HEIDI KLUM: Britney, I’ve scored your life design, and I cannot say you will be named the winner. Please step forward.

[Pause]

BRITNEY SPEARS: Give me a sign!

HEIDI KLUM: Britney, you’re out. Auf Wiedersehen.

BRITNEY SPEARS: What? I can’t believe this—first my lawyer, and now—Heidi, you drive me crazy, but it feels alright.

[Enter SEAL]

SEAL: Mornin’ Britney. How you feeling?

BRITNEY SPEARS: Stronger than yesterday. Now it’s nothin’ but my way.

SEAL: Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grave.

BRITNEY SPEARS: Hey what’s up with your face?