Special Author Update: It has been brought to my attention that my original post may possibly be chock full of libel, since Dean Lavine hasn’t actually admitted to or been found to have been making quotes up. Ooops! I’m a bad journalist, and apologize. To rectify the situation, I’ve added new comments emphasizing how Dean Lavine only supposedly lied, not actually lied. You’ll notice them in BOLD. Enjoy, and remember, Dean Lavine may have done it, or he may not have done it.

Unless you just avoid Northwestern media at all costs (snaps to you), surely you know about the Dean Lavine freakout by now. In case you don’t pay attention or are in a non-Medill school where you could give less of a damn, especially since nobody ever talks about whatever is going on within your school besides “NEW BUILDING” or (insert relevant engineering story here), Medill’s beloved Dean went and supposedly made quotes up about a class, and Daily Northwestern columnist David Spett figured the icky business out, and wrote a great piece on it. The rest of the NU journalism community, finally realizing they could do something besides learn how to make an audio slideshow and talk about magazines, latched onto this cause, and now pretty much want Lavine out. With me?

But did anyone ever consider how Dean Lavine feels during all this hubbabaloo? The world hates him right now, all because, what, he maybe told a little lie and maybe violated the most important journalistic rule in existence while being employed as the face and mouth of maybe the most prestigious journalism school in the country? The guy needs a hug. Or better yet, a mixtape! Where the rest of the journalistic world looks for blood because, quite frankly, they’ve been taught to have no soul, One-Click Wonders wants to help a bro out, especially since we here know what it’s like to be attacked by raving lunatics.

1. “Little Lies” by Fleetwood Mac - Dean Lavine probably enjoys telling lies maybe, but it seems like nobody around these parts gets turned on by this. Fleetwood Mac remind us that, somewhere, someone has a fabrication fetish and would love to have Lavine whisper “sweet little lies” into their ear. If Lavine actually told sweet little lies.

2. “Untitled” by Simple Plan - People lie everyday. Your parents lie supposedly. Your doctor lies possibly maybe. The President lies (a lot) I’m not changing this one, bring it on Bush. So why did Dean Lavine have all the hate thrown at him for his supposed lie, when so much fibbing happens around the world? How could this happen to him? Simple Plan feels his pain, and I bet Lavine is “sick of this life/just wants to scream/how could this happen to me.” Then play a solo.

3. “Silly Crimes” by The Tough Alliance - Did the dean kill anyone? I don’t think so maybe possibly. His “little white lies,” they are so insignificant, so small, so….silly compared to all the terrible things he could have done. Silly crimes! Hey look, a Swedish electro-pop group made a song with that title. Plus, this tune offers some hope - “brand new trophies to win/brand new ways to fit in.” He’s gonna need that when he flees the country to go live in Trinidad if he lied that is.

4. “Confessions Pt. II” by Usher - Lets face it - Dean Lavine probably lied emphasizing probably. Everyone makes mistakes. That and Lavine seems like a big slippery toad who probably would violate journalistic ethics. Sometimes…you can’t run from your problems. Usher knows, he didn’t know how to tell his girl that his “girl on the side” is pregnant, but he knows he has to. Lavine may not be as sultry as Usher (not at all….) but he can learn from the crooner all the same, becasue this is probably the hardest thing he will ever have to do if he actually did it which he may not have.

5. “Dry Your Eyes” by The Streets - But letting the pain out will still leave the Dean smarting if he did something bad, which he may not have. He’s going to need a good song to cry to. And, as long as he pretends Medill is a woman, The Streets’ saddest song should do the trick.

6. “Everybody’s Got Something to Hide Except Me and my Monkey” by The Beatles - I can’t stress this enough, Mr. Lavine: everyone has something to hide (except John Lennon and whatever the hell that monkey represents). You aren’t alone if in fact you hid something/are a human being. You are just stupid enough to also be the head of a journalism institute where the truth is valued over everything else. I mean, if you did it and all.

7. “The Denial Twist” by The White Stripes - Yeah, it has “denial” in the title, I’m pretty much just picking out things that mention lies and not being honest from here on out. I mean, I’m a journalist, we don’t lie. You’d have to be a grade-A dick to call yourself any sort of journalist while inventing facts or stats or quotes. Who’d do that? Notice I never mention anyone here, that makes it OK!

8. “Ambulance Blues” by Neil Young - “I never knew a man/could tell so many lies/he had a different story/for every set of eyes/How can he remember/who he’s talking to?/Cause I know it ain’t me/and hope it isn’t you.”

Yeah…that pretty much sums it up. You know, in today’s society, creating a new identity isn’t as difficult as it once was. Maybe the dean should look into that? If the claims he lied are true. Which they may or may not be.