It’s Oscar Night! The time where smug people in the film industry give honors to their work in movies you’ve never seen. But they often wear gorgeous gowns! Stick with us tonight as we chronicle every great moment of the 80th annual Academy Awards. Will Jon Stewart wow with an opening monologue? Will Julian Schnabel wear pajamas? Will a former stripper win a statue for her first screenplay? And, finally, will Norbit win an Academy Award? We can only wait and see.

Bloggers: Patrick St. Michel, Megan Friedman, Darren McRoy, Rena Behar, and Kevin McFarland.

Quotes of the night:
“You know, “Sweeney Todd” really should have been subtitled “There Will Be Blood”.” - Darren McRoy
“I want to thank every horny man who ever stuck a dollar bill in my ass.” - Darren McRoy, on what Diablo Cody should say in an acceptance speech
“I saw [Norbit]! I want to die every day!” - Patrick St. Michel
“Just say no to yellowface.” - Rena Behar, on Norbit’s makeup nomination
Patrick St. Michel, on Helen Mirren: “I’d tap that.” Megan Friedman: “You would.”

We wrap up the night, in haiku form.

Megan Friedman:
Jon Stewart was fun,
But even more fun than that
Were the hot accents.
Darren McRoy:
Thin women, accents
No one movie dominates
Coen bros take it.
Kevin McFarland:
Awards with writers,
international winners,
no clear champion.
Patrick St. Michel
Norbit didn’t win
But there was a bee montage
Good grief, that sure sucked
Rena Behar:
Much with Stewart love
“To-watch” list ever lengthens
Yay for the accents

Posts are in chronological order, with the most recent events on the top of the page. Good parts are bolded.

10:48
Patrick: And we reach the big award….

Rena: Weird facial hair.

Patrick: Best picture

Kevin: No country is the obvious frontrunner, any other movie would be a complete upset

Megan: yup.

Kevin: NO Country!

Darren: And there we have it.

Megan: YES country!

Patrick: And no suprises, No Country

Kevin: my bad

Megan: i love how they just walk back on stage

Kevin: with 3 awards

Darren: Old men welcome in this country.

Rena: Stiiillll need to see it. I live in a cave.

Megan: I liked it

Darren: And as a performance!

Kevin: there will be blood depended on one performance, atonement depended on great cinematography
michael clayton was a dark horse

Darren: And Juno had a backlash.

Rena: Juno would not have deserved to win.
It was good, but not that good.

Kevin: No country might not have been better than the other nominees at everything, but it was very, very good in all efforts

Rena: And anyway, not an Academy movie.

10:33
Megan: montage 13!
best actor time

Rena: yesss.

Megan: and daniel day-lewis
it’s a given

Rena: As a die-hard LotR fan, I’m still rooting for Viggo, even though I don’t think he’ll win.

Megan: apparently he was completely naked in eastern promises
pretty daring

Rena: now I really need to see it.

Darren: This is one of the least clear.
Danial Day-Lewis should win.

Patrick: Nothing against that

Rena: more red on Helen Mirren.

Megan: ooh, helen mirren is saying these words pretty sexily
dang, helen

Rena: she’s a sexy old woman, I will grant her that

Kevin: the queen saying “cojones”

Megan: seriously
Patrick: I’d tap that.

Megan: you would.

Darren: In unrelated news. Queen Elizabeth just had a heart attack.

Kevin: Day-Lewis!

Megan: and of course, daniel day-lewis

Darren: Wow, she didn’t draw that one out at all.

Rena: It’s the “spontaneous ovulation-inducing category” here, apparently.

Megan: kissed george clooney

Rena: adorable.

Kevin: it’s amazing that he’s british

Rena: Weird earrings.

Megan: he needs to ditch the earrings

Kevin: definitely
the earrings are just odd

Patrick: He should have a beard

Darren: “I’VE ABANDONED MY CHIIIIILD!!!!”

Megan: “for whacking me with the handsomest bludgeon in town”

Rena: Agreed.

Patrick: This is poetic
NEEDS MORE MILKSHAKE

Kevin: I….DRINK…YOUR…MILKSHAKE!!!

Patrick: Thanks!

Kevin: I DRINK IT UP!!!

10:24
Kevin: here we go, original screenplay…
if diablo cody doesn’t win, its an upset

Darren: Juno will win.

Patrick: If Diablo Cody wins, I’ll be sick
Honest to blog

Kevin: no surprises here

Megan: Diablo Cody.

Rena: Again: meh.

Patrick: Great, doors open, everyon can write an award winning script, homeskillet

Darren: OH MY.

Megan: in a stripper dress!

Rena: Holy crap leopard print much.

Darren: Jaguar print?
Leopard print?

Megan: she’s wearing million-dollar shoes
by stuart weitzman
every year he makes million-dollar shoes

Rena: And Claire’s bangles rack vomited all over her arms.

Megan: look at that tattoo on her arm

Darren: “I want to thank every horny man who ever stuck a dollar bill in my ass.”

10:23
Darren: While we’re at commercial break, I want to give people an idea of exactly what this looks like. The five of us are sitting around a table, not six feet away from each other, barely talking in person but typing furiously on five individual keyboards.

Rena: We talk!

Darren: Everyone will stare at the TV screen, then suddenly all leap to our keyboards simultaneously.

Rena: Though this mac and cheese smell is seriously killing me.

Megan:And there’s a random dude sitting on the couches eating.

Rena: I would kill for some right now.
Maybe I’ll mug him.

10:00
Megan: Cameron Diaz time.

Rena: Nice dress I think. Maybe.

Darren: I can’t tell where her dress ends and skin begins.

Megan: Roger Deakins is super famous
Atonement should win for the dunkirk scene

Patrick: I don’t know, I loved Diving Bell

Darren: Diving Bell doesn’t have a win yet, does it?
Should pick one up here.

Kevin: Deakins will split the vote on his two films and somebody else will take it

Megan: Ah, There Will Be Blood

Darren: You know… I saw it. The title kind of lied.

Megan: true! there wasn’t much blood.

Rena: If you spoil it I will strangle you where you sit. Just a warning.

9:50
Patrick: Original Song time

Darren: Finally.

Patrick: No more performances

Kevin: crossing fingers for Falling Slowly….

Darren: We’ve been talking about this one all night.

Patrick: Thank god

Rena: I want the one from Once.

Darren: It’ll win.
I’d like the Happy Working Song to win, but there’s really no chance.

Patrick: Go Enchanted song with the steel drums!

Kevin: If august rush wins, it will be on par with norbit or transformers winning an award to me…
That’s what I like to see! Glen Hansard!

Megan: and Kevin won’t destroy the room.

Patrick: And the hipsters of the world lose it

Rena: Patrick might, though.

Darren: The Night of Funny Accents.

Patrick: If someone swoons over one more accent…..

Megan: oh, it’ll happen, Patrick

Rena: Don’t hate

9:34
Rena: Jon Stewart still my hero.

Kevin: La Vie En Rose: 2, Bourne Ultimatum: 3

Rena: Haha the conductor looks like Dracula.

Darren: The endless question: Who’s scarier? Kidman’s blond Coulter or the real life blond Coulter?

Rena: It’s so drapey and weird.

Darren: Our first honorary Oscar?

Rena: Another montage. Jesus Christ.

Darren: So who is this guy again?

Kevin: I think Danny Boyle should get an honorary Oscar

Darren: I sort of zoned out.

Kevin: 28 Days Later & Millions?

Rena: Robert Boyle? Doyle?

Darren: Frail Old Guy. Go with it.

9:22
Rena: …wtf.

Megan: They’re playing Wii tennis?

Kevin: BADASS. wii tennis on the Oscars

Darren: Who is he playing?

Darren: Jon Stewart and the singer girl playing Wii Tennis. Brilliant.

Rena: The girl from the song from August Rush.

Megan: Colin Farrel. Hmm.

Rena: Colin Farrell’s looking hot and shaggy.

Megan: Did a fun little slide.

Darren: Did he just do the robot?. I dig the hair.

Kevin: along with Johnny Depp and Jude Law, Farrel is filling in for Heath Ledger in Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus

Rena: I am incredibly attracted to this look. Props, Colin Farrell.

Kevin: Awesome! Hansard and Irglova are here to perform the song

Rena: Ooh full orchestra. This is so exciting.

Kevin: this song is absolutely beautiful and from a stunning film
he’s playing the guitar from the actual film

Rena: Kevin is hyperventilating here.

Rena: I haven’t seen this movie, but this song makes me want to.

Rena: It should totally win.

Kevin: this movie was all about the songs, and this is the standout among the album’s worth of great music, it is the definition of Best Song.

9:13
Darren: Lead actress rarely comes this early.

Rena: Forest Whittaker?

Darren: Whittaker was Vantage Point’s saving grace. (Read my review, whenever it goes up.)

Megan: Blanchett won’t win.

Rena: This movie was so boring.

Darren: Academy Award for Shouting?

Rena: I love Cate Blanchett.

Megan: Julie Christie is set to win.
I should see this movie.

Kevin: it’s always funny when they show a powerful dramatic scene and then cut to the smiling nominee who’s embarrassed about their scene

Rena: Cate Blanchett was cute, though.

Darren: In the same way a roaring lioness is cute.

Megan: Laura Linney went to Northwestern for a year.

Patrick: Really?

Megan: she spoke this quarter.
yup

Darren: Here’s my pick.

Megan: Ellen Page is our age, so weird.

Rena: No, after they showed it. When she was cringing.

Kevin: I would love Ellen Page to win

Patrick: She’s the only one I saw this year
Darren: I pick Ellen Page. This is my one upset pick.

Megan: Meh, I thought she played herself

Rena: This is not the scene I would’ve picked to show from Juno.

Megan: Marion Cotillard.

Rena: Marion Cotillard?

Darren: International Oscars, indeed.

Patrick: Anticlimatic?

Megan: Who is gorgeous in real life.

Kevin: Cotillard takes it for the poor man’s Amelie

Rena: Weird dress.
She looks like Rainbow Fish.

Kevin: we apparently love world cinema this year

Megan: Aw, she seems so surprised
Patrick: She sounds like Bjork

Rena: Aww she’s so happy.

Darren: La Vie en Rose is taking a surprising number of awards.

Rena: But no swan dress.

9:01
Rena: Hahaha Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill.
Jonah wants to be Halle Berry.

Megan: They do look exactly the same.

Patrick: They do look exactly the same

Megan: We apparently think exactly the same.

Rena: And you type exactly the same, apparently.
Cute.

Patrick: GET OUT OF MY HEAD MEGAN

Megan: Sound Editing

Patrick: A thriller

Megan: No Country for Old Men should get this.

Patrick: There Will Be Blood actually sounded pretty awesome
Rena: I want to see There Will Be Blood so badly it’s killing me right now.

Patrick: Or Transformers

Kevin: if transformers wins an award…

Rena: Bourne Ultimatum?

Kevin: I’m satisfied with bourne

Rena: Surprising, but not bad.

Patrick: Never saw it….

Megan: Good movie.

Rena: Good fight sequences.

Kevin: the editing is so frantic that the sound editing had to keep up with it

Megan: True. Glad we have an RTVF major here.

Rena: Per Hallberg is weird-looking.

Kevin: nice earring

8:52
Megan: Miley Cyrus!
Why?

Rena: Stab me in the face.

Patrick: The kids love her

Rena: More red.

Patrick: Jon Stewart hates this

Megan: She did sell a crapload of movie tickets.

Rena: Ugh. Stop talking.

Megan: I really like her dress

Rena: What is she saying?

Megan: maybe a little old for her though.

Patrick: I’m putting my masculinity on the line by saying….I dig this song

Megan: Kristin Chenoweth from Wicked!

Rena: Ew she said “darn.” I hate her.
We won’t judge you, Patrick.

Kevin: how odd is it when Katherine Heigl is worse at reading a teleprompter than Miley Cyrus

Rena: She was nervous. Miley Cyrus is just annoying as hell.

Megan: This is really odd.

Patrick: Very, very odd

Megan: Like, I’ve never seen Enchanted and I’m really confused.

Rena: I kind of want to Youtube this to see what it’s like in the movie.

Kevin: this song is hilarious in the context of the film, but onstage it just doesn’t capture the same moment

Patrick: This is why I hate Broadway

8:48
Megan: So much hotness! Josh Brolin and James McAvoy!

Rena: Mmm James McAvoy.

Megan: this one is for me.

Kevin: James McAvoy is brooding? Wasn’t he Mr. Tumnus?

Megan: James McAvoy, that accent.

Patrick: That accent…so bad for famous quotes

Rena: But so hot.

Patrick: No comment

Rena: You like it.

Megan: Best Adapted Screenplay

Patrick: Best Adapted Screenplay!
One of my faves

Megan: Atonement, great screenplay

Rena: I actually really want to read Atonement. I hear the book was fantastic.

Megan: The Coens will win this.

Patrick: No Country for Old Men, calling it

Kevin: the book for Atonement was amazing
come on PTA!

Patrick: Upton Sinclair is so overrated

Rena: Tough call, There Will Be Blood might take it.

Megan: Yup!

Rena: Nope, I lied.

Megan: Joel and Ethan Coen

Patrick: No Country!

Kevin: the adaptation of the sinclair novel was barely an adaptation, he changed so much of it

Rena: They’re going to sweep tonight.

Patrick: Fingers crossed

8:45
Megan: the always fantastic jessica alba?

Kevin: “always fantastic”???

Rena: Sure, if by “always fantastic” you mean “always hot and incredibly plastic.”

Kevin: are you kidding me, maybe fantastic in Dark Angel…

Megan: Oh, they always have the hot chicks host those things

Rena: And she killed a muppet bird for the top half of her dress.

Megan: so the nerds will show up

Patrick: Nerds love them Muppet clothes

8:38
Megan: Best Supporting Actress.

Darren: I call Cate Blanchett.
The Academy loves cross-dressing.

Patrick: She was a better Bob Dylan than Bod Dylan

Kevin: just think, eddie murphy could have been presenting this award…

Darren: Who the heck is Bod Dylan?
Hahahahah.
Bob Dylan’s weightlifting twin.

Darren: “Bod by Dylan”.

Kevin: come on Amy Ryan…that movie was bone-chilling

Megan: Typos are fun!

Rena: I loved her.

Megan: Ruby Dee, a 5-minute part.

Kevin: the nomination is only for this one speech

Darren: Will Eddie Murphy ever redeem himself?

Rena: It would be adorable if the little girl won

Darren: I mean, he made some blunders,

Rena: Hell no. Norbit is unforgivable.

Darren: We’ve forgiven worse.

Megan: I loved Tilda Swinton in this.

Rena: She is fantastic.

Darren: George Clooney was the worst Batman ever,

Darren: And we’ve forgiven him.

Patrick: And the winner is….

Megan: Nice! Tilda!

Kevin: first upset of the night

Rena: Snaps. I approve.

Kevin: amazing, michael clayton takes an award

Megan: She was badass in the Chronicles of Narnia.

Patrick: Boooo, Bob Dylan for life

Rena: Every time I look at her I see Gabriel from Constantine.

Darren: She looks like Martin Short.

8:30
Patrick: BEE MOVIE

Darren: NO.

Rena: Noooooooo!

Darren: NOOOOO.

Kevin: just like all those NBC adds…wow

Megan: No, not a Bee Movie plug!

Patrick: Fuck this shit

Darren: … “Pupa stage”.

Rena: Indeed

Patrick: A montage to bees!?

Rena: Does this count as montage 7?

Patrick: They are honoring bees???

Rena: Gross.

Megan: NBC promo, oh lord.

Darren: I wish someone would smoosh Seinfeld.

Kevin: A bee montage? was this in the marketing deal for Bee Movie on DVD or something?

Megan: I love NBC for its content, but I hate its advertising.

Patrick: I’d love to recieve my award from a CGI bee

Megan: Okay, best animated short film.

Rena: So classy

Darren: None of these short animated films ever look normal.

Patrick: That’s what makes them stand out….weirdness

Megan: but they all look awesome!
Peter and the Wolf wins.

Patrick: What language will they speak? Place bets now

Darren: Seriously, they didn’t poison US almost to extinction.

Rena: German

Megan: English.
Yes!
I win!

Rena: Crap, they’re British. Lose.

8:18
Patrick: Alright, first big award of the night
Best Supporting Actor

Megan: She looks great, pretty white dress.
She’s lost weight.

Patrick: Jennifer Hudson does look good

Darren: This one is a cinch.

Kevin: has hudson been in anything since dreamgirls?

Megan: no, but she’s in the Sex and the City movie.

Kevin: I’d like to see an upset, I’d be fine with Affleck

Darren: His haircut should win an award, too.

Megan: Haha, seriously
to pull off hair like that deserves an Oscar
he creeped me out in that movie

Kevin: he was so good in that scene

Patrick: He looks so different tonight,so non-killer

Megan: i really thought Paul Dano deserved this nomination for There Will Be Blood
he was fantastic.

Patrick: I’ll admit, the guy from Michael Clayton was really good

Darren: Paul Dano and Steve Carrell both deserved awards for “Little Miss Sunshine”. But, of course, so did Alan Arkin.

Megan: Good, Javier Bardem took this.

Patrick: And there we go, the right choice

Kevin: no surprises here, bardem takes is

Megan: Oh, he’s so good looking without that hairdo

Patrick: He won’t have to pressure-can anyone

Megan: He’s with Penelope Cruz, right?

Kevin: I’m so surprised he ditched the hairdo from the film…

Darren: I dunno, the hair was kinda 60-s rock star.

Megan: Haha, i’m glad he mentioned that in his speech.

Patrick: His hair tonight is pretty rockin

Kevin: Tommy Lee Jones isn’t even watching bardem’s speech, he’s adjusting his cufflinks

Darren: Bardem breaks out el espanol.

8:12
Kevin: Art Direction is up

Megan: Cate Blanchett always looks gorgeous. Amazing dress.
Atonement had great art direction, I think.

Kevin: Atonement really should win this, if solely for the Dunkirk long take

Megan: I loved that part!
So amazing.
Good, Sweeney Todd wins.
loved that.

Darren: You know, “Sweeney Todd” really should have been subtitled “There Will Be Blood.”

Kevin: I’m fine with that, as a musical it depends a lot on the art direction

Megan: I wonder how much fake blood they used.

Patrick: Enough to fill the fat lady from Norbit

Megan: The winners are adorable!

Patrick: Good accents

Megan: I love these smaller awards because the winners always seem so grateful.

Kevin: what a nice speech, foreigners are really making up for Roberto Begnini’s horrible speech years ago

7:57
Darren: Here we go. The big moment for Norbit.

Megan: Norbit!

Rena: I will cry.

Kevin: If Norbit wins the writer’s should go on strike again

Megan: Norbit cannot, cannot, win this.

Rena: Ugh.

Patrick: Uhhhh, I’m crying here

Megan: Norbit is what cost Eddie Murphy his oscar last year.

Patrick: Please don’t let racism win

Rena: Just say no to yellowface.

Kevin: so blatantly racist

Rena: Pirates! Pirates!

Darren: Rooting for Pirates,

Rena: Pirates!

Patrick: I like how none of these films are nominated for anything else

Megan: Johnny Depp didn’t need make up to make him look hot
okay, La Vie En Rose!

Rena: …lame.

Megan: I was rooting for Pirates.

Darren: Artsy wins, duh.

7:50
Darren: Ratatouille is the obvious one here.

Darren: In another year, Persepolis would have run with it, but Brad Bird is just a genius.

Megan: go Ratatouille!

Darren: Ratatouille is the obvious one here.

Patrick: Ratatouille and Persepolis are my two favorite films of 2007
It’s all downhill after this for me

Darren: There were exactly two good animated films this year.

Rena: If Surf’s Up wins, I will fear for my life.

Darren: But they needed three nominees.

Rena: Patrick might rampage.

Patrick: If Surf’s Up wins……I’ll puke
But Ratatouille, no surprise at all

Rena: Aww, cute, yay Ratatouilee.

Patrick: Oh Brad Bird, make me yours….

7:44
Rena: Garner’s train is distractingly swooshy.

Megan: Jennifer Garner was snubbed for supporting actress.

Darren: I love that she’s presenting for costumes.

Megan: i really thought she was great in Juno.

Rena: Srsly. Costumes is one of my favorite categories though. So much pretty.

Megan: keira knightley’s green dress in atonement should win this oscar

Darren: Love the sketches.

Megan: i want that dress
ooh, but sweeney todd too

Rena: I’m calling this for Elizabeth.

Megan: you won!

Rena: Win!

Megan: that was the shortest speech of all time

Darren: Oh, if only.

Megan: this should be the trend

Rena: We can dream

7:40
Rena: I enjoy Jon dancing for his own punchlines.
Jew jokes! Oscar staple.

Darren: Stewart staple.

Rena: Norbit got a nomination? What?

Patrick: People clapped for Norbit?

Darren: Makeup.

Rena: If that wins I will…do something irrational. I’ll think of it.

Patrick: I saw it! I want to die everyday!

Rena: Poor life choice, Patrick.

Darren: Along with “I Know Who Killed Me”, it crushed the Razzies.

Rena: I just want to see more about Jon Stewart’s mancrush on George Clooney.

Darren: I’d like to see Norbit win. It’d really bring this wonderful cycle of Murphy pissing away his “Dreamgirls” Oscar full-circle.

Rena: …with a name like Diablo Cody, I feel like you have to be a stripper at some point.

7:30
Patrick: And we’re off!

Rena: …what the hell, preshow, why are we in the Badlands.

Patrick: Famous cars in film….thrilling

Rena: or Grand Theft Auto?

Patrick: If Grand Theft Auto had Darth Vader fighting Spartacus

Rena: I am in a world of confusion. Too many movies. And Lawrence of Arabia.

Patrick: Yeah, this looks really cheap

Rena: Shiny, though.