Condoms suck. So do STIs. Here’s how to make it work
A few months ago, I got into a near-screaming match with a guy I met at an otherwise friendly gathering.
I didn’t start it. I was five minutes into the conversation when his roommate began berating him about his sexual behavior. Apparently, this guy brought home too many girls, too often, and his roommate missed out on valuable sleep as a result. I was terribly amused by the whole thing until his roommate let it slip that this guy was screwing around without using condoms.
“What?” I screeched, spraying spit across everyone’s face. “Why the hell would you do that?”
The guy looked at me passively. “Because the benefits outweigh the risks,” he said without pause.
“What benefits?” More spraying. “You’re risking your life!”
“Have you ever worn a condom?” he snapped back. “It feels like a goddamn raincoat.”
Actually, I had worn a condom — on my fingers, as required by my high-school sex ed. But I admittedly lack the particular anatomy to know what it felt like to wear one during sex.
I have always firmly believed in condoms. They’re cheap, they don’t involve ingesting hormones and best of all, they’re the only widely available method of preventing most sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. But according to some guys – and girls – having sex with one is akin to getting a back massage while wearing a trash bag. In parts of sub-Saharan Africa, wearing a condom is often compared to “eating the candy with the wrapper on.” With a mental image like that, who the hell would want to use a condom?
Public health officials have tried since the advent of the birth control pill to convince teenagers and college students that condoms are still a good idea. So far they’ve made little progress — the pleasure card trumps any admonishments to “wrap it up.” And don’t get me started on the number of college students who have unprotected sex because their partner “seems clean” or other such bullshit. The numbers speak for themselves: HIV rates are increasing among young gay men, and STIs among college students are disturbingly high. The possibility of getting a life-threatening disease or creating an accidental pregnancy isn’t enough to scare people into using a condom.
So…what can we do to get more condoms on more guys? Maybe we should try to make wearing a condom more enjoyable. What a concept.
- Avoid awkwardness. You know what’s not enjoyable? Rummaging around for a condom in the dark. Put them in an easily accessible place. Better yet, take one out and unwrap it before you start foreplay. Then you have it on hand and don’t have to deal with the awkward “Shit, why is this so impossible to open?” pause.
- Lubricating the inside of the condom is also crucial. Water- or silicone-based lubes work best for this. Never, ever use lotion or Vaseline, because oil breaks down the condom. Lubes increase sensation and reduce the “rubbery” feel that so many men run screaming from. You can also add to the appeal of wearing a condom if you put it on while performing oral sex.
- Warm it up. After the condom is on — this is very important — wait. Why? Because the condom needs to warm up to body temperature. Lukewarm latex definitely kills the mood. So go back to square one, foreplay, until the temperature rises.
- Retrain your impulse. Some men claim that they can’t stay hard or orgasm while wearing a condom. This is probably because they’re used to having sex without one. The only thing to do is retrain the nether regions. Whether this involves wearing a condom during masturbation or amping up the foreplay, it takes persistence.
- Go for the skinny. There are also super-thin condoms that might help increase sensation. But don’t expect the miracles promised on the box: They’re still made of latex.
- Get over it. If you enter the game with the mental attitude that condoms suck, you’re never going to win. What’s that lame adage again? Oh yeah. Your brain is a sex organ too. Mind over matter, man. Mind over matter.
When it comes right down to it, sex without a condom feels better. But wearing a condom isn’t as libido-killing as, say, getting the clap. We’ll see how smug “feels like a raincoat” guy feels when it burns when he pees.
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hahahahahahahaha – did you slap him! cuz you should have! and i love the last line
El Luchador
February 26, 2008 at 10:17 am
I’m pretty sure I was there for this conversation. It was an experience.
Ryan Gallagher
February 26, 2008 at 7:22 pm
im amused – i was there too. quite the memorable night. ;-)
Jenn
February 26, 2008 at 7:46 pm
I would also add one more idea:
There is a certain trick that allows the “receiving” partner to put the condom on with his or her mouth. It’s pretty hard to say no to someone who can do that for you.
M
February 27, 2008 at 11:02 pm
omg that is fucking right “wrap it or wack it”
you are fucking dumb if you have unprotected sex!!
dan
March 11, 2008 at 8:17 am
2 things:
1) unprotected sex with someone you just met isn’t just unsafe, it can be deadly – don’t do it.
2) given the choice of no sex and sex with a condom, I’m sorry to say, I, as a guy will opt for no sex. It’s simply not worth it. Sex with a condom on feels like you’re humping a latex sex toy and your mate is watching you.
Regarding the article, I’d like to say, you’re mostly right, except perhaps the “train your genitals” portion. Essentially I’m feeling you’re telling guys to train their genitals to do sit ups and jump through flaming hoops. It doesn’t quite work that way. How might you react if I’d tell you to train your female genitals to accept that from now on male genitals are merely 1 inch wide? Not a satisfying solution, is it?
Martin Brundle
April 27, 2008 at 11:03 pm
The goal should be for a couple to be together long enough so that they can then stop using condoms. Why? Because they not only suck, they curtail a big part of what sex is for: the feelings of sex. It’s not all in the mind. You cannot just will yourself to have a different attitude. Feelings are feelings.
So yes sex with condoms does suck. But at least it’s useful to work toward being with a person long enough (& after you both being tested for STDs) to then stop using a rain coat that really does curtail a big part of the joy of sex.
Jonathan
May 1, 2008 at 11:19 pm
What of self-test kits like Oraquick that detects HIV in minutes. I think that will be a good thing. Meet a girl at the bar, buy kits on the way home. Test urselves and go on from there. Sounds good. Only if we can get some real politicians to put more funding there instead of wars.
Also the reference to Candy Bars in Harare is unneccessary. AIDS was planted in Africa and right now Africa has more condom use and less promiscuity than most western nations.
Bobby Cookee
May 16, 2008 at 1:29 am
Yea, it does suck ALOT.
I always use one until last night when my boyfriend and i got “busy” in the hot tube. He injoyed it sooo much more as did i. So i im getting depo, ONLY because i trust him and we are both clean and in a long term relationship. Otherwise its not a smart choice.
Talia
May 19, 2008 at 8:00 pm
People “SAFE SEX” is always right! it may be reduce some amount of pleasure as you people say but if ever i would get into situation like this i’ll opt for a condom until after marriage when thr was a need of baby, n safe sex can be made sexier but some tricks n Kamasutra styles of maybe the girl partner can wrap the condom on the penis using her mouth n ya a oral sex after that would be awsome
SID
May 24, 2008 at 12:47 pm
I have never achieved an orgasm while using a condom. Its sort of like taking a shower with a raincoat on. Usually I’ll let my partner “handle” me if they insist on using a condom just because its a waste of time for me. I learned at the outset of the AIDS scare to appreciate mutual masturbation and handjobs simply because condoms do nothing for me.
I think the point of the development of AIDS is to force monogamy and pairing marriages on a public that is increasingly polyamorous.
Carl
May 31, 2008 at 6:03 pm
The reason most guys can’t come while wearing a condom is because you can’t feel anything through the latex. You can’t feel warmth, moisture, anything. I’d rather limit sex to LTRs than wear them. They only make for a frustrating experience.
AMB
June 16, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Man ill tell ya the best part of having sex with a condom on is when that shit breaks and its like ahhh thats what im talking about the nice warmth of that P***y thats better that bustin a fat nut in the bitches Face….. Condoms 0 Unprotected sex 1
LadiesMan227
July 15, 2008 at 1:47 pm
I believe condoms are a must until you and your partner are both checked. I hate having to make my boyfriend wear one because I know he doesn’t get the same satisfaction as I do. Just as much as guys hate them,I can’t speak for every female but I hate them as well. I like feeling all of my boyfriend,n not something that feels like a rubber glove. So until he goes to the doctor and proves to me he’s clean,he’ll keep on wearing the raincoats…lol
jasmine
August 6, 2008 at 7:45 pm
I think that the problem is that we all sleep around too much! I hate using condoms too. However, if we stop having casual sex and actually have committed relationships. Then it wouldnt matter if you use a condom or not! Plus you are also supposed to go and have yourself tested before sleeping with someone new!
Jessie
September 3, 2008 at 5:26 pm
I’ve noticed the people in favor of wearing condoms are mostly women. Thats because it feels the same to them with or without one on. I think they should try a female condom just once and see if they like it. Chances are they’ll complain and force the man to wear the condom again. Have we ever considered this whole STD/AIDS scare to be a creation of the billion dollar condom industry? Why is it so important to them that we wear a condom every time? Because they get richer. Find a partner, prove that you both don’t have aids and then fuck each other…when the relationship gets stale repeat the process with another person. Condoms break, they don’t protect against HPV nor do they protect against herpes. And to top it off you can’t feel a damn thing when wearing them. Oh, I’m sorry I can’t keep it up, but I can’t feel what I’m doing. I’d rather jack off to internet porn then to have sex with a condom.
Zach
September 8, 2008 at 2:41 am
it seems that people are ignoring the fact that many women use condoms to prevent pregnancy because they don’t want to pollute artificial hormones that an cause complications for many women’s bodies. even some people in committed relationships use condoms as contraception!
A
September 8, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Zach is spot on!
Hawkeye Piece
September 16, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Hmm.
I am detecting quite a bit of sexual ignorance from a lot of you so-called “experienced” people.
First of all, if you cannot get off with a condom, then quite frankly, you must be using the wrong one, and improperly at that, because they are designed to feel like a second skin on the penis, pleasurable for both male and female.
Second, nothing in life should come cheap or easy. That is a western lie and we need to un-brainwash our self from that. The sexual revolution tried to tell us that love is free, if it feels good do it, blah blah, etc., but that is just not logical. Sex cannot-and should not- be a quick, easy, passive act because it is in fact a biological means of reproduction, and trying to make it something it is not-and act strictly of pleasure-is going to take time, thought, and money.
It is also the exchange of biological fluids-which basically carries all the little bugs and goobers we pick up along the road of life-and there is no test for many of these viral infections, such as many strains of HPV, which can cause symptoms ranging from nothing(whilst yr still young and healthy of course, which will not last forever) to more noticeable symptoms, such as genital warts, or my personal favorite, cancer!And if you are a girl who is careless enough to get fucked without a condom, then you are also most likely not going to show up for regular pap smears and std tests.(AKA that girl who will let everyone but a trained professional near her vagina.)
Next off, is the pregnancy issue. “Oh, but shes on the pill.” and “I’ve had plenty of unprotected, std-free sex before, I’m infertile!.”(Heard that one before, right before my abortion.) Well, you can only be lucky for so long. The birth control pill is not fool proof, and many medications, such as anti-biotics, will make the pill ineffective, and doctors may be just kind enough not to tell you before you go humpin’ with strep throat(not that I see why you would, I would just lie in bed and cry…). New drugs come out every year that we do not know the side effects, you can never be sure. Also, just ask my friend, who was conceived whilst her mother was on the pill, and her father had a vasectomy! Fancy that…
And lastly, and probably least talked about or known by the sexually active, is a neat little condition known as BACTERIAL VAGINOSIS, aka “Stank-Puss” and “Tuna Pants”. But first, lets start with a basic human biology lesson, with a bit of grade 10 chemistry thrown in:
Sexual intercourse is a biological means of reproduction, thus furthering the human(and animal) race, thus continuing life on earth. The human body is only required, and built for, having sex once a month, during a woman’s ovulation, or “when the bitch is in heat.” Any more sex than that, is biologically un-necessary and wasteful. Sexual pleasure and erogenous zones were only developed by our bodies to give us a reason for fucking, because we don’t instinctively know mother natures plan. Besides, why else would we rub our pee pees together if it didn’t feel damn good, just for someplace warm to stick it? No, it would just be the equivalent of a wet, sloppy high five.
Now the vagina(and the penis) is a delicate, complex environment made up of a balance of bacterial and fungal organisms that keep the area clean and healthy. The vagina has a PH of about 4.0-4.5. It is an acidic environment. One reason, (my favorite reason), is to kill off weak, retard sperm so we can have strong babies(yay, mother nature[obviously this is not working so well anymore]) and semen, the penile equivalent of vaginal fluid, has a PH of about 7.0-8.0, and is alkaline-very very different from the vagina. Now, this shouldn’t be a big deal if you only bang a couple times once during the month with no condom, but if yr doing it every day, the semen (even if he pulls out, cause his gooeys are still squirting out the more arouse he gets inside of you[precum]) it throws off the vaginal PH, allowing normally healthy bacterial and yeast to over grow and take over the vagina like a group of anti-war protesters on the White House lawn. This is most likely how the high school slut got the rumor spread about her smelly vagina. But, it can happen to anyone. Statistics show at least 25% of Canadian woman will experience at least one occurrence. Symptoms are often mild but can be irritating and a piss off.
So, in conclusion, if you want to have unprotected sex without ever, ever getting any bad repercussions, then you better be reeaal smart about it and shove some horseshoes up yr ass and eat lucky charms every morning, noon and night..
If you are in a committed, long term relationship and still want to have unprotected sex, then I hope you are well equipped to have a pregnancy occur, because abortions are neither fun, painless, free(in some provinces and all the states, I think) and can also be morally unsound, depending on yr beliefs.
As much as a bitch as I sound like, I am not trying to demonize anyone, everyone is young and ignorant at some point and makes mistakes. Educate yourself! It is only when you do not learn from yr mistakes, or the mistakes of people close to you, that I would call you a retard. Stupidity is only knowing something is wrong, and doing it anyway. Trust me, this is coming from a girl who is :allergic to latex(and often broke as a result of buying poly condoms), has a stroke risk that prevents her from taking the pill, a cervix too small for an IUD, and skin more sensitive than a gay, high school vegetarian choir boy. We work around these issues for the sake of love/pleasure.
So for real low-stress sex, go out and buy the best, all natural and safe condom-friendly lubes, and a pack of sensitive, good quality condoms in yr(or yr partners) size, and talk about things before engaging in any sexual activity. Random hook up are over rated, dangerous and mentally damaging. If you do not have a boyfriend/girlfriend, then choose sexual partners(friends with “benefits”) that you are comfortable talking to about serious issues.
And if your too socially retarded to figure that out, thats why God created 10-speed vibrators and PC-adaptable interactive pocket pussies!
Jessica
September 24, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Oh, and Zach:
Yes, we can feel the difference between a dick and a plastic wrapper. Do not undermine the sensitivity of the vagina.
Female condoms are fine, but its 15-20 dollars for 3 and male condoms just fit better.
Condoms can and do prevent most types of HPV. About 70%. Thats better than 0%. And avoid having drunk sex in the dark, you often miss the red bumpy indicators.
And if you would rather jerk it to internet pron than fuck with a condom, yr probably a douche and no smart girl should sleep with you anyway.
Loves!
Jessica
September 24, 2008 at 12:35 pm
well I am going to sleep around and I’m never going to stay with the same person because most women are fucked and chucked way to much so I’ll just have my condoms in a cold plase when I need them and my trusty lub ready cause sadly their realy no girl worth staying with and no girl worth getting AIDs for
cheers to condoms and lub and I’ll try every flavor of women in the world in this world
J
October 16, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I definitely believe in wearing condoms for safe sex practice, although it does take away from the pleasure sometimes :-(! I was just wondering if anyone can suggest a favorite brand or style of condom that is close to wearing nothing at all?
Dee
November 17, 2008 at 9:50 pm
My brother didn’t like condoms either – he was “oopsed” by a single mother of three…he didn’t have the strength to walk away (he’d still have to pay child support for 18 years)…so his life is hell.
It won’t last, but sadly a little girl is the innocent party here…
Men often don’t protect themselves – condoms are the only way (apart from a vasectomy) at the moment.
Other Methods are not far away though…
I sooo agree that using condoms is important…even in a committed relationship condoms are still necessary until both parties got the all clear…
I’ve never been infected with HPV and will do everything in my power to keep it that way.
Only one person can protect your health – YOU!
All the men that don’t wear condoms – you’re sitting ducks – hope you enjoy the Russian Roulette of child support & STD’s….Enjoy!
Ruby
December 11, 2008 at 1:07 am
AND the women that have sex without insisting on a condom…I hope you know who you’re trusting with your health.
Condoms take away your pleasure?
So will child support and a host of STD’s!
Ruby
December 11, 2008 at 1:12 am
I love to watch the fireworks fly when I utter one particular truth they impressively keep under wraps for a very, very good reason: HIV is as exceedingy difficult for a man to contract from vaginal sex with a woman as it is easy for a woman to catch from anal sex with a man. Read that again, yell at me, spit at me, screech all you want. It’s true. Ask the experts.
Let me repeat that in other terms:
It is exceedingy difficult (nearing impossible) to get HIV through your penis.
It is exceedingy easy (the ideal transmission device) to GIVE HIV through your penis.
It is easy to get HIV through your vagina.
It is extremely easy to get HIV through your anus.
Now think about the implications for a little while, and you’ll see what certain groups (the homosexual lobby) don’t like people to know this truth.
HIV it is a disease practically tailor-made for homosexual transmission.
In other words, the landslide majority women (we’re talking 99.99+) who contract HIV from men who in turn contracted it sexually, received the disease from a BISEXUAL man who was on the RECEIVING end of sex with another man. This is largely why HIV is such an epidemic among black women. As documented in the bestselling book “On the Down Low,” black men are 15 TIMES as likely to engage in homosexual behavior than white men, despite their apparent underrepresentation among gay activists. They take it in the rear from their ‘homies’ and then give it in the rear of ‘they b*tches.’ Pretty simple.
One very good reason they don’t go out of their way to explain this is that fear of HIV makes men a lot more willing to wear condoms, which suck so badly the man has to be so sex-starved to enjoy it that he’s probably clean anyway. Ok, I admit that’s stretch.
Of course, HERPES is another story, and, I hear, NOT EXACTLY FUN. But at least it won’t kill ya.
HL
January 11, 2009 at 10:57 pm
I have read most of what you have said in here i am from Australia and had divorce my second marriage never used a condom much before and now I live in china can not keep my self hard to have sex if i use a condom as soon as i girl tells me to put it on i get soft and can not get it up for days, but i have been with many girls i never pay for sex in china i keep away from that and i have tested for HIV a lot as its what is required for me to have a visa and i am clean for any STI, i have found out some girls over here require there husbands to use condoms all the time even after they have a baby as most believe the pill is bad for they health, to be frank i hate to think if i will marry with a Chinese girl one day and need to use a condom all my life. most men over here give there wife a baby then they are out paying for sex as if they need to use a condom why not do it with a girl that know how to make you happy.
Gary Long
April 4, 2009 at 5:17 am
i am going to reiterate what others have said. condoms suck — even the ultra thin ones. that’s just some marketing ploy. you still can’t feel anything. sex is not sex with a condom — it’s just exercise. i would rather have no sex than have all my nerve endings numbed by a barrier.
maybe younger generations will be ok with it so long as they are scared enough to never know what condomless sex feels like.
or maybe the chinese-made liquid condom will offer a compromise between pleasure and safety.
ABC
April 15, 2009 at 12:52 pm
To all of those guys who complain about using a condom: What’s wrong with you?
Seriously, I have had protected and unprotected sex with my girlfriend, and a condom has never hindered our ability to enjoy ourselves. Is it as comfortable? No. But you can still have a lot of fun, and you can do it with a level of certainty and safety.
If you’ve never orgasmed with a condom on, you’re doing something wrong. If you can’t keep an erection with a condom on, I really, really feel sorry for you.
TD
April 15, 2009 at 2:39 pm
While of tth eadvise you give is useful and your concerns about STDs are correct not the following.
Do not get all high and mighty about how men MUST use condoms. That rude, incensetive and masogenistic. How would you like it if you were told you must take the pill.
Keep in mind, that bot everyones physiology reacts well to wrapping oneself in latex or rubber.
Dokk
April 17, 2009 at 5:07 am
I completely agree with Jessica. (accept i do want to say that any girl who is against abortion due to her faith should also be against sex before marriage. therefore that SHOULDN’T apply. you shouldn’t have one belief without all the others. however, sadly, in most cases it does)
And any guy is refuses to use a condom doesn’t deserve to have sex, and any woman who doesn’t make her guy use a condom or lets him convince her “it’ll be ok” is making a HUGE mistake.
One-night-stands and casual sex are the worst possible sexual situation that any man or woman could ever possibly get themselves into.
i’m not one to tell people what to do. it’s your life, live it how you wish. but it’s my personal belief that sex is for marriage, and is worth so much more if you can wait until you definitely find that special person. sex is not just for reproduction — not with humans. it’s also for pleasure (yes the Bible tells us this as well). but it’s for pleasure with your SPOUSE. someone you are completely committed to — no question about it. if you and your partner wait until marriage before having sex then it will be so much more binding and a lot more amazing and pleasurable. you probably don’t believe that but it’s SO true. and you’ve got the added bonus that if you both wait, you don’t have to worry about diseases, or having to use condoms for prevention of pregnancy. and if you’re not quite ready to have a child yet, then birth control is not proven to be hazardess to your health, they’re only theories. and there are other ways to prevent pregnancy, such as being smart and knowing when your cycle is and when you are most fertile. there are ways to find this out, as is there are ways to find out whether a certain birth control pill will effect you in anyway.
K
May 18, 2009 at 6:13 pm
The Author is a woman.
Sex with condom is not sex. I prefer masturbating to porn with my hand touching the skin of my penis than pumping away inside a constricting dead latex chamber. Until you grow a dock and fuck like a man you wont understand that this “Man Made” solution to a biological problem isn’t really a good and elegant solution at all. It solves the problem by crippling the act.
Superman
June 10, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Condoms are absolutely terrible for 99% of men. This is a shared thought amongst all of my male friends. I “Strap it up before I slap it up” if I have just met the girl or havent been seeing her for a while and know she’s clean + on the pill or whatever other contraception, but I agree with the other posters, I would rather wank off than having sex with a condom on, its terrible. No feeling what so ever, and then to boot the girl (in my experience) always seems to get stressed about not being able to make me come, then she feels insecure about not being able to please me.
Jessica you may come out with all these stats and brainwashed ideas that STD’s are caught like colds but at the end of a day you dont have a dick and never will (hopefully) do you think every guy is lying when they post here saying condoms suck ? Its the truth im sorry, condoms kill sex in more ways than one…But then again you have to be safe…So no-one can really ever win.
jonesy
June 24, 2009 at 8:39 pm
I’m a girl and I prefer sex without a condom. No matter how many of you say that it’s just the same for us, trust me, it’s really not.
For some reason it doesn’t feel as full as it does without one, and I don’t feel as close to my partner. As far as the men feeling absolutely nothing without a condom, I believe it. Seeing the difference between sex with a condom and sex without a condom is easy when you’re looking at his face. It just looks plain boring and not at all pleasurable.
For me personally I’d much rather go without it. Mind you though, this is in a steady relationship and neither of us has any kind of STI. Plus I’m on the pill.
People, just make sure you’re all checked out and girls get on the pill, it won’t kill you.
L
August 12, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Hate on me all you want, I know you all will get SUPER ANGRY at the fact I have a different opinion but sorry for being American. Sure, condoms are good, and should be worn etc etc… BUT they are not as safe as you might think, numerous times have condoms broken when I have worn them. They can irritate the skin and it just sucks to wear them in general. How about instead of promoting using condoms so you can whore yourself around, we promote monogamous relationships with your SIGNIFICANT OTHER or abstinence. Whether you like it or not, sex is meant for one thing… Procreation. So basically I wouldn’t suggest having sex with anyone you wouldn’t possibly want to have a child with.
Don’t forget not using condoms brought every single one of you into this world, so you can type on your silly blogs and be boring pro whores? But if your gonna fuck someone you just met, or don’t plan on being with them strap it or smack it.
Sidenote: Why put it all on the guys? How about more women use birth control and use women condoms. It’s a two way street people.
Ha
October 9, 2009 at 9:46 pm
To me, there seems to be a really simple solution here–just be monogamous. Then you can go on birth control, ditch the condoms, and not worry about STIs.
Skeptic
October 10, 2009 at 12:09 am
This thing about “to use or not to use condoms” is never going to go away. Clearly, a lot of people aren’t using condoms that’s why unwanted pregnancies are far from becoming a thing of the past (not to mention STIs). People have unprotected sex because it feels better. That is the only reason why. I don’t use condoms as often as I should, but at least I’m honest about it. I think it is better to educate than to condemn those who try, but don’t consistently practice safe sex. At least they’re trying.
Jason
October 18, 2009 at 4:21 am