“Ow! You make my vagina so stale.”

No, that’s not a quote from Talk Sex with Sue Johanson. It’s from a presentation by SHAPE (Sex Health and Abuse Peer Education), who hosted a ADJECTIVE program about safe sex at the McCulloch lounge Tuesday night. No, it wasn’t like that awkward health class you remember from 7th grade.

Lured by the promise of free condoms and cake, about fifteen people attended.

The evening began with sexual Mad Libs. The audience supplied words like “ow,” “vagina” and “stale,” creating some hilarious scenarios.

The point of the game, the members of SHAPE said, was to emphasize that “sex doesn’t always have perfect communication.” The primary theme of the presentation was communication between two people in a sexual situation.

“Always be aware of your partner’s body language,” the student educators said.

The night then moved on to sex trivia. Some questions were simply entertaining: How far does a guy’s semen typically ejaculate? (Twelve to 24 inches.) How many quarts of semen does a man ejaculate in a lifetime? (Eighteen.) And during a 15 to 20 minute sex session, you’ll burn 100 calories.

But there were more serious questions asked as well. According to a survey of Northwestern students conducted by SHAPE, 10 percent of students said they had been in an abusive relationship in the past year, 45 percent of sexually active Northwestern students said they always use a condom and the most common STI at Northwestern (and the world) is HPV.

“There are a lot of things Northwestern doesn’t know, like how prevalent STIs are,” said Maria Lei, a Weinberg sophomore and SHAPE presenter.

To put the audience’s safe sex knowledge to the test, SHAPE had the students participate in a condom relay. The rules? One member of each team puts on beer goggles (specialized goggles meant to simulate the visual experience of being drunk off your ass) and attempts to properly put a condom on a rubber penis. Winners don’t get the clap.

The SHAPE presenters then critiqued the audience’s condom-using methods and demonstrated the proper technique. Tips to remember? Store condoms in a cool place (heat from a pocket can break down the latex). Remember to squeeze the tip of the condom as you’re rolling it down the penis. And when removing the condom, move away from the woman to prevent splattering semen which could result in unwanted pregnancy and render your efforts at protection meaningless.

Finally, the presenters debunked a few sex myths. SHAPE advised the audience that taking several birth control pills directly before sex will not be more effective at preventing pregnancy, that peeing after sex is not an effective contraceptive and that sex the night before a big game will not, in fact, hurt your game time performance.

And each audience member walked away with a handful of flavored and colored condoms, lube, a slice of cake and newfound knowledge. The presentation succeeded as a fun, informative way to teach sex facts you might have missed back in middle school.

You can expect to see more presentations like this happening soon, as SHAPE’s programming expands.

“We’re a new group, and we welcome suggestions,” said Kacey Albertine, Weinberg sophomore and member of SHAPE.

“We’re not boring. We’re not going to stand there and lecture you,” Lei said. “This is just a fun and easy way to present the information.”

Because after all, “safe sex is an important part of good sex,” Lei said.