Dane Cook calls it the BK Lounge. Some Greeks like to call it Beta Kappa. Some shorten it to BK, while others (who make sense) just call it what it is: Burger King. As the only restaurant open 24 hours within walking distance from campus, Burger King becomes a haven for Northwestern students and townies alike who just need that fast food fix late at night. And because of these hours, it’s inevitable you’ll run into a few crazies, intoxicated or otherwise, when you hit Burger King in the wee hours of the morning. Here are songs to answer all of your questions about this essential Northwestern experience.

Why the heck are you out and about at 3 a.m.?

Vengaboys — “We Like To Party”

You had a bit of fun at that ’90s party on Ridge and Davis, didn’t you? Too much jungle juice? Oh, well, it’s all in good fun — and what is college for anyway if it isn’t to embarrass yourself in front of complete strangers? Whatever, you like to party! And you managed to raise money for student theater without Mary Desler noticing. So good for you!

What are you looking for?

Jimmy Buffett — “Cheeseburger in Paradise”

When you’re drunk and hungry, you want greasy food. So what sounds better than a double Whopper, French fries, chicken nuggets, an apple pie and a large Diet Coke? Yum. “A big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat” is just what you need, whether you’re done partying or in need of a study break.

What do you actually get?

“Weird” Al Yankovic — “Eat It”

Fast food looks tantalizingly good in the pictures on the menu. In reality, you get a soggy burger with grease-loaded fries. But you already paid, and you may be under the influence, so as Weird Al says, “It doesn’t matter if it’s boiled or fried, just eat it.”

Why is that guy telling me to move up in line?

Ben Folds — “Rent-A-Cop”

“Excuse me, miss. Miss! You in the tiara. Yeah. Hi. Can you step forward please? Great.” The BK bouncers are quick to keep the line moving while streams of people file in to indulge before finally passing out (hopefully) in their own beds. The cops may be pushy and unforgiving and they may not be so kind as to let you take a quick nap in between fries, but you know they have our best interest at heart. Pushing us to the front only means we get our food faster and who doesn’t want that? We salute you, BK Bouncer, and remember — as Ben Folds says, you “only have to stand here two more hours ’til it’s Miller Time.”

See that creeper in the corner?

Lily Allen — “Knock ‘Em Out”

He’s the one who looks like he’s never taken a shower in his life. Oh no, he’s walking over to you, asking if you go to Northwestern. He wants to know your major, where you’re from. He smells. You’re stuck. Just like Lily Allen in the dive bar, “you can’t knock ‘em out, you can’t walk away,” so you smile, nod, and quietly run out of the restaurant.

And if you get out unscathed?

Geto Boys — “Damn It Feels Good To Be a Gangsta”

You did it. You survived the possibility of getting mugged and/or getting a heart attack in order to get yourself some cheap, greasy food. This is pretty close to the only thing Northwestern students can call “street cred.” Go and brag about it. We’re sure your friends will appreciate it.