Comments on: What to do when he’s a virgin

By: my story

my story — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 08:54:32 +0000

A.S.,

I’m not saying powerful emotions can’t be attached. You’re reading things into my comment that just aren’t there, probably because of an (admittedly ill-advised) reference to religious fundamentalism that angered you for another reason entirely.

What I meant was that the first time for a guy isn’t necessarily going to be emotionally unique just because it is the first time. I was trying to draw a distinction between the genders here, because for most girls the first time is pretty distinguishable from all the others for reasons related to the physical act and to all of the weird ways our culture reveres female virginity.

By: Trisha

Trisha — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:38:16 +0000

Outstanding column Tania…. I know so many guys who are embarrassed, and, really, sex is always awkward the first time… Thanks for a great topic :)

By: A.S.

A.S. — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 05:55:14 +0000

In response to “my story said,”

So in order to attach powerful emotions to sex, a guy has to have been brainwashed by fundamentalist teachings? Sorry to break it to ya, but we guys aren’t all man-whores like you.

By: Matt Eliason

Matt Eliason — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 04:49:34 +0000

LEAVE J.K. ALONEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By: S

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 23:13:40 +0000

I mistakenly stole a guys v-card. He didn’t mention that he WAS a virgin before we did the deed and as soon as we were done, he was like “That was my first time.” I almost fell of the bed. The lesson there for me was to always explicitly ask. I didn’t realize that the response “I know all about it” is code for, “No, but I’ve just watched a lot of porn.” You live, you learn, I guess. Good article!

By: Dragon

Dragon — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 20:19:59 +0000

BAYTA!

By: Tania Karas

Tania Karas — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:29:51 +0000

Thanks so much for sharing! Sounds like you are one of the lucky few with a good first experience.

I applaud you on you honesty. It’s true that guys don’t attach much ‘ceremonial value’ to it – but all the same, this would have been a lot more complicated if either party lied about their experience.

By: my story

my story — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 08:52:55 +0000

i lost my virginity junior year of high school to a good friend who had a (pretty much ex-)boyfriend in the town she had moved from earlier that year (read: I was a virgin and she wasn’t). She may have been lying to make me feel good (I doubt it, because I think I still have the scars from her fingernails on my back), but she said it was among the best experiences she had ever had. Basically, it was a perfect, no pressure situation to lose your virginity: I was with a friend and we were the perfect kind of tipsy, in one of our friend’s parents’ king-sized bed. At the time I hadn’t done much more than receive oral sex from and manually stimulate other girls, and I was honest about it (actually, it was a small school, and we were probably the only people from our social circle who were having sex outside of a 1-year-long+ relationship, so it was pretty much implied.) It’s definitely better to be honest; besides, sex is always better when you let the woman take control

Frankly, I don’t think there is much danger in terms of emotional fallout from taking a guy’s virginity. Unless he has been brainwashed by some fundamentalist teachings, he probably won’t attach much ceremonial value to it… it’s much more likely to be a monkey he’s been trying to throw off his back for quite some time

By: urdumb

urdumb — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 01:14:50 +0000

be my first?