Though Clinton would never deign to stoop and chalk a sidewalk and Obama’s suit costs too much to get wrinkly from flyering, their campaigns are, apparently, still important. The politics section has taken time from watching the new episode of Greek to make predictions for who will be declared victor, if not of the whole Democratic primary, at least of Pennsylvania voters.

Nandita Seshadri: Last I checked, Clinton’s lead in Pennsylvania is narrowing faster than the Olsen twins’ waistlines, meaning Obama has a valid shot at winning. And even if Clinton does win, the silver-tongued Obama will probably spin his loss as a victory, just for morale. Although Clinton’s boo-Barack jabs are growing stale, “one in five Pennsylvania Democrats has yet to pick a favorite candidate.” I’m going with the numbers here and saying Clinton for the win—but Obama for the self-esteem, feel-good victory. Besides, he’ll still be ahead in delegates.

Ben Armstrong: Hillary Rodham Clinton will defeat Barack Obama by a margin of 4.8 percentage points in the Pennsylvania Democratic primary. Exit polls will indicate that most Pennsylvanians identified economic turmoil as the most salient voting issue (duh). Clinton will prevail largely due to Gov. Ed Rendell’s endorsement and her husband’s popularity with rural – also known as ”bitter” — voters. However, the relatively tight margin will leave Clinton with a Pyrrhic victory (experts predict that a decisive win in Pennsylvania is necessary for her to have a chance at winning the nomination). Obama’s strong showing in Philadelphia, magnificent speech on race, and endorsement from Senator Bob Casey will leave him claiming inevitability after the votes are counted. Obama loses, claims victory.

Ryan Murphy: For tomorrow, Hillary will probably take it, but by a slim margin. She’ll get the “victory” but it won’t make any meaningful difference in the delegate race. Obama will keep it close enough that it’s not a huge deal, then pick up North Carolina and maybe Indiana, ending this thing in the next three weeks or so.

Kaitlyn Patia: I predict an exact tie between the two candidates. Rather than bother everyone with a recount, Clinton will suggest a “bowl off.” Obama will accept but order a round of beers, letting Clinton “take advantage of the photo-op.” Despite Clinton almost taking out a member of the press corps with a flying bowling ball when Rihanna’s “Umbrella” comes on the radio (“Oh my God, I love this song!”), Clinton will win the game 53-35. I am 83 percent sure of this outcome. But one thing is certain — great media coverage, because who doesn’t love constant, errant speculation? Pundits are never wrong, they just have bad information sometimes. But really: Clinton and Obama know that Pennsylvania is going to be close, but Obama has the edge to pull it off. Despite the bluntness of his remark about “bitter” voters, many people saw truth in it and will appreciate Obama’s willingness to speak candidly. I believe Obama’s message of hope will resonate. Or maybe that’s just my dream.

Jake Ramsley: Just as we were getting used to life without it, Buzzword ‘08 has reared its ugly head again in the Pennsylvania primary. As a resident of Massachusetts and a student in Illinois, I’m perfectly qualified to predict the thoughts of Pennsylvania voters: Hillary will win and it’ll be Obama’s fault. Both are whiny and doing a wonderful job of ruining their own electability (they’re already adding this buzzword to the OED). Obama on Pennsylvania residents hit by the weak job market: “[I]t’s not surprising, then, that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.” Ouch, insulting Pennsylvania residents is sure to do wonders for Obama’s electability. Next time just stick to the buzzwords, candidates. Keep repeating “I stand for change!” without explaining why or how, look a bit to the left and watch as your electability skyrockets.