Ah, the stoner flick: our generation’s romantic comedy. From Dazed and Confused to Super Troopers, the pothead’s antics and slacker attitude have consistently entertained millions, and Harold and Kumar’s most recent adventure (yes, adventure is the only possible word to describe their epic journey) in Harold & Kumar Escape Guantanamo Bay is no exception.

The sequel to 2004’s charmingly titled Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle, Guantanamo Bay picks up exactly where the first film left off. And when I say exactly, I mean with Kumar (how do I say this delicately?) taking care of business in the bathroom after consuming 30 White Castle burgers, five orders of fries, and four Diet Cokes. Lovely. Once Kumar is, um, done, the two endearing young men embark on their voyage to Amsterdam. What follows is a mess: We’re talking terrorism, bottomless partying, Neil Patrick Harris, prostitutes and incest. Oh, and there may be a (forced) love story in there to drive the plot along.

Seem confusing? Fear not, law-abiding, anti-pot citizens, for I have single-handedly hypothesized a variety of reactions to the film from a variety of made-up people. You’re welcome.

Cindy, 12

Likes: Hannah Montana, Zac Efron
Dislikes: That total suck-up, Elizabeth Ellen, who sits at the front of the class

“Oh my goshness, Becky! Elizabeth Ellen is going to be super jealous when she finds out we snuck into an R-rated movie! The movie was totes made for adults. Harold and Kumar are, like, disgusting. Well, there was the bottomless party. Did you watch? I did not watch! That was gross.

“Remember that house they go to, the one with all the girls? Maybe a sorority? Do not tell my mom about when those girls in that house kissed. Why did they have to take their shirts off? No one kisses without shirts on. Oh, also, don’t tell her about the scene in the prison with the guards and the “cockmead” sandwich, or Kumar’s dream with that girl and the bag of plants. Boys are so gross.

“I can’t wait to tell Elizabeth Ellen.”

Glen, 22

Likes: Jerry Garcia, Janis Joplin, Sandals, Mary Jane
Dislikes: People who hate animals. Oh, and also people who hate trees.

“That was sweet, dude. That whole plane scene was hilarious. Racial profiling is so not cool, and Kumar totally called that guard out. Did you see that part? The part where Kumar MacGyver-ed that bong on the plane. Kumar was like ‘No, it’s just a bong,’ and that dude was all, ‘The terrorist has a bomb!’ Classic man, classic.

“Absolutely, Kevin will like it! He freaking worshiped the first one. I bet the director, like, wants everyone to get high beforehand. It’s like that’s our lives, man. You know? Like, I am Kumar right now.

“That part with the Southern couple freaked me out though, I’m not gonna lie. Their little incest child was like the freaking Ring, man. Totally killed my high. They must have premium stuff in Amsterdam. Yeah, hell yeah, I’ll go. Let’s do it, dude.”

Your Mom, 46

Likes: When you make the Dean’s List
Dislikes: When you conveniently “forget” to call even though you promised you would after your class that ended six hours ago.

“Ahem. Do you think that was funny? It’s funny to you to watch people mess up their lives? Hookers getting branded? That’s funny to you? I don’t understand how an intelligent person such as yourself can find humor in a Ku Klux Klan keg party in the woods. It is completely offensive: I wouldn’t be surprised if someone protests this. Why? Maybe because they have a scene where an interrogator tempts two Jewish witnesses with a bag of money.

“I guess I don’t understand why they think they have to resort to racism to be funny. How can you say it wasn’t “that bad,” the whole movie was racist! They made fun of everyone, but that doesn’t make it okay. Every joke about a minority or misguided stereotype was completely exaggerated and pushed to cringe-worthy levels.

“No, I do not think it is the filmmakers way of telling us that America too sensitive. He was not challenging stereotypes. Fine, agree to disagree, even though I’m your mother and I’m right. Do you talk like those boys? Is that how you talk with your friends? Does that make you cool? Is it cool to use the f-word?”

A final note: I do not advise that you a) bring an 12-year-old to this movie or b) bring your mom to this movie. There is nudity (a lot), sexual references galore, racism and drugs. You have been warned.

NBN rating: B-

I leave you with a gem from the one, the only, Neil Patrick Harris. On mushrooms: Jesus Christ! Did you see that unicorn?!