Recap: Kim’s Calendar for Reggie: Nothing says, “I love you” like a Playboy-esque calendar, right? But don’t you just hate it when your mom sells said calendar to newsstands before you can gift it to your significant other? Yeah, so does Kim Kardashian.

This week, Kim came up with the perfect one-year anniversary gift for boyfriend Reggie Bush: a sexy calendar starring her! That’s right, think bikinis and lingerie and suggestive finger-in-mouth poses. Unfortunately, Kris (Kim’s mom and manager) gets the calendar first and distributes it to local news stands (but luckily not too many; Kim and Rob manage to get every copy back…phew!).

Meanwhile, Khloe and Kourtney take a major back seat this episode and only get a few minutes of obnoxious airtime. Bruce Jenner (the girls’ step-dad and ex-Olympian) took the lesser Kardashians along on a motivational-speaking gig. Since business cocktail parties are less fun than the club scene, the girls got tipsy and fondled mannequins.

The, Like, Super Opinion Thing! While I generally find Keeping Up With the Kardashians to be slightly less scripted than most “reality” shows (simply because you can’t write the meaningless bickering and bitching the girls engage in), tonight’s episode seemed strained and scripted.

The dialogue between Kim and Rob when she learns that the calendars are all over town and again between Kim and Kris when the former gets confrontational, were particularly forced sounding (if you don’t understand what I mean by this, go watch Kim’s PSA). The conversation went something like this:

Kim: Mom, I can’t believe you did this to me. Those were my private calendars for me and my boyfriend.

Kris: Uh oh…

Did the Kardashians actually have a mellow week after the two-part civil war? Did E! just feel like the show was lacking drama? (Though I can’t see how.) Whatever it was, this week’s KUWtK disappointed. If I wanted to see obviously scripted bimbos, I’d watch MTV. I watch E! to see people so obnoxiously ditzy, deluded and full of themselves that it couldn’t possibly be anything less than reality.