Say hello to America’s Next full-figured Top Model. Photo courtesy of The CW.

From tranny wrecks to missing fingers, Top Model cycle 10 has given fat girls something to cry about for the last 12 weeks.

It’s come down to Whitney, the full-figured model from Atlantic Beach, Fl.; Anya, the speech-challenged nymph frorm Honolulu, Hawaii; and Fatima, the Somalian refugee with a pocket crotch.

Who will be America’s. Next. Top. Model?

*Spoiler Alert*

So, here we go. It’s model bootcamp, ladies. Let’s get fierce!

Covergirl TV commercial

Fatima: She looked amazing. Her commercial could have been for CoverGirl or for starving pro-ana teenage girls

CoverGirl Photo: I have to applaud Fatima. It was a very gorgeous photo. It kinda reminded me of Simba in the Lion King when he stands on the edge of that precipice and looks out into the African wilderness.

Whitney: I think her commercial would have widespread appeal.

Photo: Full figured billboard for a full figured model! It was ferociously fantastic and fresh.

Anya: As expected she struggled with her speaking. However, I think that Anya would have done a better job delivering her lines in Elvish than in English.

Photo: Poster child for the Sylvan Learning Center.

Panel 1: First elimination

Tyra liked Whitney’s Covergirl commercial but Paulina thought it was too Miss America, too “pageanty”. Eh, I don’t know if I agree especially since I find Paulina to be a little “botoxy” if you ask me. But the judges loved her photo, nice neck work darling.

Fatima might have done better selling toothpaste, that’s all I have to say. The judges liked the photo
but Tyra thought she could have smiled more with her eyes… then she proceeded to demonstrate.
Tyra is so full of herself and I love it.

Anya was a train wreck from her commercial to her photo. Paulina even ventured to say she looked stupid! Then again, with all respect to Anya — there’s a fine line between looking it and being it.

Lets take a brief break from talking about the models and take some advice from Tyra.

Model lesson 1:

Photographer: Be fierce, tranny! Work it!
Tyra: “Did my boyfriend call me?”
Photographer: That’s it! Smile with your eyes!
Tyra: “No he didn’t.”

First to get called, no surprise — Anya. I didn’t think she looked excited enough to be a finalist though.

Who will it be? Fatima or Whitney?

Well, let me put it this way, the loser will be singing the vagina monologues (and in her case it will lip “cinched” instead of lip synched). Sorry Fatima. You’ve made Top Model history. Be proud.

So, your two finalists are Anya and Whitney. They’re so close, it’s anyone’s game!

For the final runway show, the girls will get to do a fashion show in Versace dresses!

But before that, a Seventeen magazine photo shoot. I have to mention
I do miss Atoosa Rubenstein and her massive black hair.

Both girls did a fabulous job though with the Seventeen shoot. Let’s compare the two. If Whitney makes the cover, seventeen-year-old girls across the nation will rejoice with a triumphant feast!
If Anya wins, girls will be throwing up their lunch.

Back at the house:

Whitney reflects over her saddening past with backhanded compliments…
“No hunny, you’re not plus sized you just have big bones…really big bones.”

Runway show:

Whitney is the first juicy booty to be on that runway. Work it!

Let’s get the ladies stompin’ it to the death:

Rihanna’s twin (Saliesha) from Cycle 9 was up first and she blazed the runway. So fierce darling.

Round One!
Anya – no life, no energy. C’mon honey. Pump up the volume!
Whitney – Personality all the way. Energy and vibrance.
But she was kinda bouncy. She made her walk unique though.

Round Two!
Whitney – Ooh! Fabulous pink Versace dress.
Watch out Wal-Mart, make room for the full-figured Whitney barbies!
Anya – Her dress was amazingly delicious. But she was so stiff.

Final elimination:

The judges thought that Anya didn’t bring it as strong as she could have or as strong as she should have. Stunning nonetheless.

Tyra and Jay loved Whitney’s runway walk. On the other hand, the ever-so-increasingly bold Paulina saw Whitney as a ham on the runway. Hmm, what an interesting choice of words there. For me Paulina doesn’t understand the humorous type of criticism Janice brought to ANTM. Paulina is just plain evil,
plus she cries Botox for tears.

So,
Who striked the best pose in the pictures?
Who was fiercer than an ocelot on crank?
Who has the curves to conquer the modeling industry?

America’s Next Top Model is…

WHITNEY! Yay! America’s first Next Top Model with some junk in the trunk!

I have to clap my hands for Anya too. We’ll be seeing more of her I’m sure.

But for now Queen Latifah will have to step aside and make room for the new busty, luscious, curvaceous, and bodacious model.