In honor of the most soul-crushing House episode ever, I’m not writing a regular recap. Why? Because there’s nothing funny about people dying. Seriously. Instead, I’ll be doing the top five reasons why House had me bawling this Tuesday.

Spoiler warning: Viewer discretion is advised.

5.) I have to wait until the fall for another episode of House.
It may seem like a petty concern, what with the all the tragedy, but that’s exactly why it’s such a bummer. This is a horrible, ER-worthy note to end on. Don’t ruin everyone’s lives and then expect viewers to want to come back in the fall. It’s going to take the whole summer just to get over the sting from this episode.

Cutthroat Bitch no more. Photo courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Co.

4.) Kutner’s parents were both shot in front of him while he was six and 13 has Huntington’s.
I know the other characters had traumatizing pasts, Cameron with her dead husband, Chase with his dead mom and now dad, but that was nothing compared to these two. Kutner lost both his parents violently, and claims he’s okay with it, but seems too lackadaisical for okay. 13 is dying. It may be a lot more slowly and painfully than Amber, but essentially they killed off two characters this week.

3.) House doesn’t want to live.
We always knew House was self-loathing and generally cantankerous. But to hear him say that he would rather stay in purgatory with Amber because it doesn’t hurt there and because Wilson doesn’t hate him there was more than a little tear-inducing.

2.) Wilson hates House.
I know that Wilson’s hate is unfounded, that he’ll come around and that he can never leave House. But honestly, House killed the woman he loved. To see Wilson walk out on House when he wakes up from the coma he put himself in trying to save Amber was too sad for words.

1.) Amber died.
I thought I hated Amber. She was nasty, self-centered and her name was “Cutthroat Bitch,” for goodness’ sake. But after seeing how much she loved Wilson and how much he loved her, I grew to like her. And her repartee with House, I liked that too. I thought for sure they were going to save her. Why bring her back only to kill her off and devastate Wilson? But they did. And I sobbed.