After butchering two songs, Jason Castro was sent home. Photo courtesy of AmericanIdol.com.

It’s time to make a cut. I do love a good shattering of someone’s dream.

Before we start recapping, here’s some random notes:
Why won’t Ryan just admit he has angry sex with Simon backstage?
Paula’s dress is horrible. She can’t string together two non-fails.

Okay, SPOILERS!
The idols performed “Reeling in the Years”. Dear goodness why. What was up with the choreography? I’m pretty sure they stole the routine from Royal Caribbean Cruises. The guitar solo was kind of random, but it almost saved the song. Until the idols went up a level and overlooked the stage. I wonder if there was temptation to push your biggest competition over the railing. Only, if they pushed Jason over, he would probably be too tripped out by the awesomeness of falling to care.

The top four went to Las Vegas. Jason said enjoys sleeping in the sky. He probably said that he enjoys puffing the magic dragon in the sky too, but they couldn’t air that. Anyway, someone grabbed him and kissed him in Vegas. She probably hoped to inhale the residue of his weed because obviously he found the good stash. They went to see Cirque du Soleil, which is pretty cool and fabulous. And I learned that “All You Need is Love”. Ah, The Beatles. Beautiful.

David Archuleta is the first to be declared safe. His humble act is a little sickening. It would be nice if he didn’t talk like Mushmouth from Fat Albert every time Ryan asks him a question. But still the twelve year olds will throw their Fruit of Loom panties on stage because they enjoy being more butch than their beau.

David Cook is still my lover. And he’s safe. He does need to shave, though. The only sad thing about his continuing presence on the show is that we have to postpone eloping. Maybe I should send him a few good strippers so we can be prepared for that special day.

Ford forced the idols to do another one of those disgusting commercials. Ford, why are you doing the America’s Next Top Model shoot? And people don’t look attractive in those outfits. You have no shame, Ford. You’re like a red light district hooker. Anything strange for a little piece of change.

Question time lead to some interesting moments. David Cook got asked out on a date by a woman who lives in Philadelphia. She’s 24 and crazy. Obviously he is already in love with me, but too nice to break her heart on TV. Also, apparently Simon should be knighted and be James Bond. He is “sexy and intriguing”. Basically, he is the king of Britain. And he even rules from America. Take that, Elizabeth.

Maroon5 performed. Adam Levine sounded like Mighty Mouse with an extra dose of helium. And somehow I liked it. Maybe because he’s sexy. He can be my hot pool boy that David doesn’t know I’m having an affair with. Okay, this is getting ridiculous. This is the American Idol blog, not the “Chronicles of Lauren’s Marital Life” blog. By the way, did anyone notice the eyebrow action? Hot. And then he started talking like he’s in a falsetto. And he never knows where he is. Someone needs to send him a request for the Traveler IQ on Facebook. That’ll learn him.

Bo Bice and his nasty hair performed. I bet you he played Cousin It in the Addams Family movies. The performance was kind of awesome. Especially the guitar solo, despite Bice attempting to eat the microphone. Or dislocate his jaw. I wasn’t really sure.

Bottom Two:
Syesha Mercado
Jason Castro

Eliminated contestant:
Jason Castro

Thank you! America is starting to wean itself off the coke addiction and vote correctly. Although I kind of will miss the trippy ride. It’s kind of fun to watch someone’s brain not receive a proper amount of oxygen.

Jason’s farewell video is like a trailer for One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Or an ad describing your brain on drugs.

Unfortunately Idol let him sing again. It’s a little cruel to make the contestants sing the song that got them eliminated. He mumbled some mostly unintelligible words before destroying “I Shot the Sheriff” once again. The only thing that was recognizable was “What’s going on?” Idol cut out of the song early. They will tell you it’s for time, but it’s really because they don’t want angry letters from moms telling them they are the cause of their 9 year olds meth lab for allowing Jason to receive so much screen time.

Favorite Quotes
“Just the brain being dead.”- Jason on his biggest challenge
“Hello young people.”- Adam Levine (very Hannibal Lecter-like)
“Somebody told me that I shot the Tambourine man.”- Jason

I don’t know what next week is, but hopefully it involves some cage fighting with the final three. Until then, try not to shoot the sheriff. Don’t take away Jason’s mission in life. Fight the man, Jason.