Marisa’s abroad in Madrid, Spain, until Dec. 19.

After eating French fries and a fried egg doused in oil for dinner last night, let’s just say I was pretty pumped when my señora insisted that we join her for pilates today. And what an adventure it was…

We met her after class at an all-women’s gym, which was literally named “Gimnasio para Mujeres,” and when we walked inside, it was as if we’d stumbled into a time warp back to the ‘90s. The walls were plastered with photos of nearly-naked women with big, frizzy ‘90s hairstyles, posing on various exercise machines. Picture old-school “American Gladiator” but with thongs and visible nipples. One absolutely ripped, absolutely naked woman was doing curls. Which, as you know, is just what I want to stare at when I’m on the treadmill. Another be-thonged girl was sprawled across the elliptical machine in feigned fatigue, with a slogan reading “Stay a Step Ahead!” I may not have been motivated, but I was certainly amused.

We made our way over to the studio area, where the decor shifted from soft-core porn for workout addicts to the less fetish-specific stuff: half-naked men standing under a waterfall, half-naked men pushing a truck to some unknown location, half-naked men staring intently at a half-naked woman checking herself out in a mirror post-workout. For the more prudish, there was one motivational poster without any skin: a classic, black-bordered picture of the ocean with an inspirational quote.

If the interior design wasn’t enough, the pilates itself was a bit of a trip. Not only have I never done pilates, but I also didn’t know any pilates language in Spanish. Not only did I look like a complete retard trying to fake it, I also looked like an even bigger idiot in front of all these little old ladies who knew exactly what they were doing. Yep, at least 90 percent of the attendees were over the age of 70. I didn’t get much of a workout, but I did learn how to say, “Clench the ball with your knees and breathe out” in Spanish.

I regained some of my lost self-esteem this afternoon when we met some friends for our first experience with Spanish film and I was actually able to understand almost everything. I guess looking like an idiot is the best way to learn, and anyway, and I’ll probably be doing a lot of it as I continue to fumble with—and drastically improve—my Spanish.

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