Good evening, Northwestern. What happens on Tuesdays around here? Nothing, which is why you’re also probably watching the second presidential debate tonight, being held as a town hall meeting. Live from America’s heartland — Evanston, IL — our bloggers will try to translate Main Street into words you Northwestern kids can understand. And we’re off!

Post-debate limericks:

Jeremiah:
There was a man named Tom Brokaw
Who was the meanest man the candidates ever saw
They tried to eloquently speak
But his responses made them look bleak
And he made them get out of the way of his teleprompter so he could lay down the law.

Matt:
There once was a candidate from Chicago
He went up against a guy as cold as fargo
He talked change
While his opponent stank like mange
And back to Arizona the old coot did’go.

Jamie:
Tom Brokaw furrowed his brow
As the men tried to take their bow
But as they they stood in place
He almost punched them in the face
Blocking the prompter, he wouldn’t allow.

Natalie:
Tonight John and Barry debated
Zingers and jabs they traded
The answers were more of the same
But most of the questions were lame
And Brokaw had to be sedated.

Ben:
There once was a man who hated pork
Whose running mate was kind of a dork
He got kind of mad
Because Obama was rad
Americans still don’t have work.

Jennifer:
There once was a lass with an ailing
That sent all her sentences flailing
She left off the ends
Of her words, so her friends
Never knew that her real name was Paling.

Julia:
There once was a man named Tom Brokaw
Who thought both the candidates jokers
No questions were followed
Which made him appalled
He wondered if they were both tokers.

9:33 p.m.
Jennifer: And that concludes tonight’s debate.
Julia: A steady hand on the tiller… wait, doesn’t McCain have shaky hands?
[Tom Brokaw chastises the candidates for blocking his teleprompter.]
Natalie: Tom Brokaw is now the angriest man in America.
Matt: I’m in ur teleprompter, blocking ur view.

9:30 p.m.
Natalie: I like how [Obama] talks to the people in front of him as if they are Iran.
Jamie: If you change your behavior, we’ll give you a pony! Incentives!
Jennifer: Who would look cuter on a pony: McCain or Obama?
Matt: LAST QUESTION!

9:27 p.m.
Ben: McCain: a second holocaust, we must avoid.
Natalie: Thanks, Yoda.
Jennifer: Why do we keep suggesting that another holocaust might take place!!?!? This is terrifying me.
Natalie: Yeah, that’s a little upsetting. Do they know something we don’t?

9:23 p.m.
Julia: Russia: making mischief
Natalie: SO MANY POINTS for saying “mischief”
Jeremiah: I doubt Putin cares about mischief
Ben: Is Russia evil? McCain: it depends on us.
Matt: John McCain is being surprisingly forthwright. We can’t ignore their bad actions, but ramping up the rhetoric isn’t helpful. Snaps for McCain.

9:20 p.m.

Natalie: Oooh! Ask Palin this one about Russia!
Natalie: Last time she said we might start a war with them!
Julia: Are they just gonna keep repeating what they’ve previously said? The third debate is gonna be tedious.

9:17 p.m.

[McCain says he knows how to get bin Laden]
Matt: “I know how to get him.” Then why haven’t you told the president…
Matt: We should all remember that Richard Nixon bragged about having a secret plan to end the war in Vietnam.
Julia: McCain just said telegraph… instead of email… a telling statement.
Natalie: Why does he know where bin Laden is? I want to know where bin Laden is!

9:15 p.m.
Jeremiah: They sound like two little shits bickering back and forth about each others record.
Natalie: I always joke about Iran!
Matt: “I was joking with an old friend.” That’s not really an explanation. He’s a senator.

9:11 p.m.
[McCain mentions that Teddy Roosevelt is his hero]
Natalie: What? I thought it was Reagan!
Natalie: He has a whole team full of heroes!
Natalie: Justice League!
Julia: But they can’t help him now, ’cause they’re all dead.
Matt: It’s funny that McCain is talking about popularity in Pakistan. He, of course, supported Musharraf until the bitter end. To put it lightly, he wasn’t very popular in Pakistan.

9:08 p.m.
Natalie: STOP SAYING GOOD THINGS ABOUT REAGAIN
Reagan.
Julia: Reagan = McCain’s dear leader.
Jamie: Rogain?
Natalie: Sorry
Julia: He could use some.

9:00 p.m.
Jennifer: WHOA, and McCain is the only suited to lead the GREATEST FORCE FOR GOOD IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.
Natalie: Come on, now. I wouldn’t call us peacemakers. Not by a long stretch. Switzerland, now there’s a peaceful spot.
Jeremiah: All this “peacemaking” is why terrorists hate us.
Julia: Do you think he will mention that he was a POW?
Natalie: He ALWAYS mentions that he was a POW. He mutters it in his sleep.
Matt: I mean, he was tortured for five years, I would probably mention that in my sleep too…

8:57 p.m.

Zach: Healthcare… Obama owns it.
Ben: CNN numbers are off the charts.
Zach: He has no Hillary to fight now.
Natalie: The men do not like discussion of children.
Matt: Holy shit, Obama is talking about health care and women have been giving him the highest rating for about a minute. It’s a straight bar at the top.
Natalie: Ladies, voting with the ovaries since the 60s!
Jeremiah: where is McCain going? he just walked behind his chair….I think alzheimers is setting in.

8:51 p.m.

Natalie: “Costs go up” = “skyrocketing costs.” Stalling much?
Ben: Let’s have walk-in clinics to impose efficiencies — McCain. And then he bashes government.
Jeremiah: McCain is trying to scare the American people with socialism talk.
Natalie: I thought we were giving tax breaks to parents a few minutes ago.

8:50 p.m.

Matt: This debate isn’t nearly nasty enough. I was totally ready to get angry at McCain for talking about Ayers.
Jennifer: Do they practice their faces and poses for while the other candidate speaks?
Matt: Yay! Talking about health care. McCain wants to cut health care for old people by 1.3 trillion dollars and he wants to throw everyone out into the individual market where they can be rejected for having a preexisting condition.

8:48 p.m.

Ben: McCain just loves to talk about pork…
Julia: mmmm… pork
Natalie: Don’t say “bridge.”
Ben: bridge the gap…to where?
Matt: nowhere
Natalie: That’s a dangerous word for this ticket
Ben: McCain talks about pork…soft power jab at Islamofascists.

8:38 p.m.

Julia: Woooo tax breaks!
Jamie: He sounds like he’s telling a fairy tale.
Natalie: OMG! We get child tax breaks! We’re like the anti-China!
Matt: Leaving the tax rates alone would mean that we let the Bush cuts expire. To maintain tax rates at the current level, we’d have to actively extend the tax cuts Bush passed.
Jennifer: His arms are being operated by remote control right now.
Ben: This small business talk is nuts. Obama is promoting small business growth.
Jennifer: The INTERNET.
Julia: A question from the Internet!
Natalie: GASP!
Julia: What does it want to know?

8:37 p.m.

Gabe: I’ve got some news, Senator Obama: we won World War II!

8:36 p.m.

Julia: He sounds like he’s trying to entice you into the back of his car… or something.
Natalie: The womenfolk are not digging this
Ben: CNN voters are not liking it.
Natalie: McCain read the news!

8:32 p.m.

Zach: These candidates need to stop promoting clean coal. There is NO SUCH THING as clean coal. It’s a crock.
Ben: Toyota has plants in America…it’s only the money that goes to Japan. Doubling the peace corps?
Matt: There’s also no such thing as an America car worth buying…
Natalie: Fuck that shit. I drive a Geo. Now THAT’S patriotic
Jeremiah: I believe GM killed their electric car 12 years ago…now they cost 100 grand.
Ben: I walk…while wearing an American flag to cover my extremities.

8:31 p.m.

Ben: Obama said 9/11 (gasp)…ready to link it into sacrifice..
Jamie: Tell me ‘bama
Natalie: Oh, you know. Just 2 days before my birdthday
Gabe: Is Obama’s tie a little purple?
Matt: 9/11 meandering = no one giving Obama good ratings.
Natalie: Obama, you’re veering very close to Giuliani territory
Jamie: His outreach to the gay voters. Very subtle.

8:30 p.m.

Matt: “Some programs that we may have to eliminate” Like the occupation of Iraq? Sounds like one that isn’t working Also, his rant about defense spending is lame. What drives up defense spending is a foreign occupation and maintaining military bases all over the world.
Natalie: What the fuck is a spending freeze?
Jamie: A bad call.
Ben: No appropriations except for necessities (annual deals), I think.
Natalie: It sounds like a bad day for Victoria Beckham.
Matt: John McCain should really specify what these “really good projects” are. For example, in a recession, we need to increase unemployment benefits, public works spending and food stamps. This is to provide income support and to get people back to work. Does McCain support freezing those programs?
Jeremiah: This spending freeze probably has him thinking cryogenics
Jamie: Look, America is not a 15-year-old girl at the mall. You can’t just cut up our credit card.

8:26 p.m.

Jamie: Once again, his hands are too short to reach across the aisle.
Natalie: Tom is PISSED
Zach: No no no, he can’t lift his arms high enough to reach across the aisle
Matt: Tom Brokaw gets the passive agressive award.
Ben: Obama looks so comfortable.
Gabe: Mac’s a MAVERICK. He don’t need no rules
Ben: Obama can’t come up with petrostates beyond Iran and Venuzuela
Matt: russia…
Zach: Obama’s talking to the middle class, talking about the actual voters
Matt: alaska…
Ben: natural gas more than oil
Gabe: I feel politicians only reach across the aisle to hold hands and dance under each other’s arms. Y’know?
Natalie: Have you heard you can see Russia from Alaska?

8:25 p.m.

Ben: Does the 700 include the money hidden in emergency spending legislation?
Zach: Yeah… he said it twice during one answer.
Matt: “Reform entitlement programs” That means cuts 1.3 trillion from Medicare. No one wants that to happen.
Natalie: Reaching across the aisle: 2

8:24 p.m.

Jeremiah: Cindy McCain said today that “Obama has waged the most negative campaign in history.” After hearing John’s answer to this question I beg to differ.
Jamie: That’s not even getting a fair chance…
Natalie: I’d rather run away, thanks
Ben: Good article on soft vs. hard energy policies in the NYT business section today…is there a joke for soft/hard energy policies?
Matt: This obsession with earmarks is really stupid. Earmarks represent $18 billion, our budget is THREE TRILLION. The Iraq war has cost roughly $700 billion. Just putting that out there.
Gabe: Tom Brokaw is getting peeved by McCain’s lack of consideration to the debate rules.

8:21 p.m.

Jamie: It’s been mounting up, big changes are needed, and not just in the legislature.
Gabe: CNN Ohio voters are loving this.
Matt: Speaking of spending cuts, John McCain’s chief policy person said that they would cut Medicare by 1.3 trillion dollars over 10 years. That should be really important when we start discussing health care.
Natalie: How can you be a consistent reformer?
Ben: McCain: I have been a consistent reformer…there has to be a joke for that.
Jamie: “Consistent reformer” well he did remarry…
Natalie: Isn’t that an oxymoron?

8:20 p.m.

Matt: Both parties got us into this crisis? I’ll note that the housing market turned into an unsustainable asset bubble under Republican administration, specifically Fed Chair Alan Greenspan continually pushing for lower interest rates.
Gabe: She’s a commie!
Jeremiah: I LOVE how we have to be reminded that we are the best country in the world all the time
Jamie: But you know what, people need to learn fiscal responsibility too–yes, this is the result of shitty policies, but also the result of poor financial skills on the part of the US population.

8:17 p.m.

Jamie: It will get worse before it gets better; whoever is president next will have to deal with a shaky weak economy that will NOT magically get better.
Ben: Obama: “we have an archaic regulatory system”…is Barney Frank going to revolutionize it?
Matt: Coordinate with other countries! But they hate our freedom! Would we coordinate with Spain, a county that McCain hates….
Natalie: Master of the obvious! Points to McCain!
Ben: McCain: it depends…if we give it the maverick treatment, the economy will sparkle like Palin’s glasses. McCain lies about how good the “fundamentals” of the economy are. Call him out, Obama…fundamentals are not people…it’s an insult!

8:14 p.m.

Natalie: I hate. How. McCain. Says. The. Letter. S. He hissssssses. It’s terrifying. It’s like parseltongue.

8:13 p.m.

Matt: I should note that these are all “undecided voters.” But this isn’t a very representative group. They are also trying to make it demographically representative, which means that 12 percent of the group should be black. But since 90 or so percent of African Americans support Obama, an undecided black voter is a pretty unrepresentative figure for the population as a whole. Also, because Obama is up in the polls, undecided voters will tild right.
Jamie: Undecided voters tend to lean Obama, I believe. Or is it new voters?
Ben: Oliver’s question: what in the bailout package is going to help people who are having a “tough time”
Natalie: There will also be two 20-year-olds.
Matt: If this guy, who’s African American, is “undecided” he represents less than 10 percent of the black community.

8:11 p.m.

Gabe: And how many Americans have been benefited by Berkshire Hathaway? A little mroe than 1.3 million
Jamie: YES, but McCain, you are the cronyism!
Matt: This is weird for Brokaw to ask for a name. It’s illegal for a candidate to name his cabinet before he takes office.
Ben: They can project.
Jamie: That’s interesting.
Ben: They are not supreme court candidates, though Obama would rock the court better than the White House.

8:08 p.m.

Natalie: STOP CALLING US YOUR FRIENDS
Matt: John McCain’s going on about energy independence really shows how his approach to the economy is seriously flawed. Although energy independence would be nice, opening up drilling right now will do nothing to open up credit markets or prevent the increase in unemployment.

8:07 p.m.

Zach: If Obama wants to win tonight he has to stick to the economy. He has to pin John McCain to his failed economic policies and not let McCain attack him.
Natalie: I feel like most questions tonight will involve the economy.
Natalie: Since they’re coming from “real” (read: pre-screened) people
Ben: McCain jab: Good to be with you at a town hall meeting. Obama turned him down to town hall meeting dates earlier in the summer.
Gabe: I want to see some wet slacks.

8:05 p.m.

Ben: Obama seems like a professor describing the crisis to a lecture hall.
Natalie: I mean, it is a hall full of people.
Gabe: Obama seems like a strong man reaching into my heart.
Natalie: Kind of similar, no?
Zach: Maybe we can have the next one at loevorne
Ben: But he is auditioning to be president, not Mark Witte.
Jamie: Honestly, Obama has always seemed professorial to me… doesn’t mean I’d make my econ professor my president.