Freshman Freeze is finally over, and, with it, so is the undercover sobriety of the class of 2012. Enter the era of free-flowing drunken munchies. So before your next Pong tournament or dip from the gin-and-tonic bowl, remember to stock up on pantry essentials so you’ll be prepared when the munchies hit you, and it’s too blustery to go to BK. Here’s what to make.

One Pot One Pan

Too many dorm dwellers know the dangers of drunk frosh + grease: repeated 4 a.m. fire alarm evacuations. Accordingly, if you’re too plastered to walk in a straight line, don’t operate a stove. This is not only for your own safety, but also the happiness of your neighbors. If you’re sober enough to cook without burning anything down, enjoy these recipes:

Monkey Sandwiches

Photo by mollypop on Flickr.com, licensed under Creative Commons.

Hot, sticky, and sweet — everything you’re craving! And, when the time is right for these tasty treats, the name will be hilarious.

Ingredients:

• 2 slices of bread
• Peanut butter
• 1 banana
• Crunchy cereal of some sort– Rice Krispies, Cheerios, and granola all work fabulously

Toast the bread in a frying pan. Once adequately toasted, slather a good amount of peanut butter on each slice of bread, and as many banana slices as you desire. Now, sprinkle on some crunchy cereal and put the two pieces of bread together. Lastly, say “oh hot damn, this is my jam” (again, this will be much more funny in the moment) and enjoy this amazingly goopy and delicious sandwich.

Bar Grilled Cheese

Photo by ninjapoodles on Flickr.com, licensed under Creative Commons.

Good even when sober.

• 2 slices of bread
• Butter
• 4 sliced pickles
• 2 slices of cheddar cheese
• Grainy mustard

Heat your skillet to medium heat. It is easiest to assemble the sandwich before grilling it, so spread a little mustard on both sides of the bread. Put one slice of cheese on each piece of bread. Put the pickles in the middle. Put the two sides together and put butter on the outside of the sandwich (this can be messy, but, hey, you get to lick butter off of yourself… if you are into that sort of thing). Place the sandwich in the pan and watch it — pay attention so you don’t end up burning down your place of residence. After about five minutes, or when one side is golden brown, flip the sandwich. After another five minutes or so, you are ready to enjoy. Don’t forget to turn off the stove.

Microwave Magic

So you want fried food…or really any food fast? If you are a frequent indulger I would suggest a microwave bacon plate (sold at Target), because who doesn’t like bacon (or Tofu bacon) when they are tipsy? Let us also remember that microwave burritos are a good staple for anybody, at any time. But if you’re feeling productively drunk, here are two recipes to be made in the nearest microwave.

Easy Cheesy Dip

Photo by -fumtu on Flickr.com, licensed under Creative Commons.

Warm, cheesy, and versatile.

• 1 can of Rotel (I like the super hot kind with jalapenos, but wimps may want mild)
• 1 sizeable chunk of Velveeta, around 6 ounces
• Tabasco sauce (omit if you just can’t take the heat)
• Chips, crackers, fingers…really whatever you want to dip (hell, I guess you could even dip bacon)

Seriously, no matter how gone you are, there is no way you can mess this up. Cut, tear, or shred the Velveeta in any manner and put in microwave safe bowl. Pour Rotel over the “cheese” and heat three minutes, stirring well. Continue microwaving until it’s smooth. Carefully pull the bowl out of the microwave, and serve with whatever you have chosen as your dipping instrument (your date?).

This is more than one serving, so that means that you can share. Your shwasted floormates will not only adore you, but they will owe you their own drunken munchies tomorrow night.

Eggs Off the Heazy

Photo by stu_spivack on Flickr.com, licensed under Creative Commons.

• 2 or 3 eggs (eggs are super cheap at CVS or any convenience store)
• 2 tablespoons of milk, or creamer if you’re really desperate
• 1 packet of butter (easily “procured” from a dining hall)
• Salt and pepper
• Onions (again…you have a meal plan, Allison has a salad bar, put the two together)
• Green peppers (see above)
• Shredded cheddar cheese
• 1 tortilla

I would suggest taking some onions and pepper, putting them in a coffee to-go cup, and keeping them in your fridge so they are ready to go when you need them. Now, crack the eggs and add whatever moo-juice you have chosen. Whisk with a fork and add butter packet, salt, pepper, and conveniently pre-prepared vegetables. Microwave for 1 minute and stir. Microwave another minute and stir. Add cheese and microwave one more minute. Finally, pour the contents into the tortilla and make a little burrito. The best part? It’s guaranteed to be better than anything that comes out of a Burger King bag.

Don’t forget to wash down your munchies with lots of glasses of water to avoid the otherwise-inevitable day of lying in bed, dry heaving while your roommate laughs at you.