This was the worst episode. Ever in life. I mean, I knew it’d be bad because it featured Jenny, whose annoyance-factor has increased exponentially since her first appearance. I honestly believed she was getting back to old-Jenny. You know, the sweet, innocent family girl who’s all smiles. Well I was wrong. Bitch Jenny’s back, and she’s crossed a line — the most important line in the GG-verse. You do NOT get with Nate Archibald (unless your name is Blair Waldorf). And the worst part is, the entire situation was like watching a slow-motion train-wreck. You’re sitting there all episode like, they wouldn’t do it. They can’t, it’s so wrong. And then it hits you as you scream in horror. There’s no chance for redemption now, I will hate her forever.

Plus isn’t Taylor Momsen 15? Sooo wrong.

Summary

Really, there isn’t much to say this week. Probably because I’m still extremely mad about the last 10 seconds. But to summarize:

• Dan and Serena try to be friends. It kind of works, except this new artist named Aaron — who “coincidentally” turns out to be her summer-camp sweetheart — asks her out, and she’s actually interested. Dan’s jealous but tries to hide it. Luckily, Aaron rides off with a different girl in the end. For a new potential love interest, he was very lackluster. I think the glasses were supposed to be really indie-cool, but they just looked really dorky and failed at disguising his man-bang.
• The Chuck/Blair situation has gotten so old. Blair tries to seduce him and fails. Serena asks Dan to give Blair advice, which he does to please her. Dan tells Blair she should just risk saying she loves him, since she does. C/B plan to meet up at Rufus’s art gallery (at Aaron’s show), but right before she goes to confess, Dan tells her it might not be a good idea. Essentially what happened is Vanessa told Dan how C/B used her (neglecting to mention how she was blackmailing Blair in the first place. Because why would Vanessa ever do anything wrong!), so Dan sabotages Blair on purpose. They part angrily, and although Dan tries to fix things by admitting what he did to Chuck, it doesn’t matter. Because Chuck and Blair decide that although they both know they love each other, they can’t say it. Because it would ruin things. Because they can’t “go to the movies” or “hold hands” like a normal couple. Because they might break up someday, at some point in time in the future maybe. So really, I have no idea where they’re going to go from here. They want to continue the game? Or they’re giving up? Josh Schwartz hates happiness.
• Originally I was going to start this recap talking about Willa Holland, a.k.a. Kaitlin Cooper’s guest appearance. It kind of messed with my mind since she was the same character except as a model. When Josh Schwartz’s worlds collide.
• Anywho, it starts with Eleanor asking Jenny if she can use the dress she made to show the Bendel’s buyers. Since they didn’t like any of Eleanor’s designs. Except it needs to be remade overnight in Eleanor’s fabrics. Jenny says yes, but Agnes the model (Willa) encourages Jenny, telling her how awesome she is and how she shouldn’t let Eleanor take credit for her designs. At this time, Jenny’s gone through a really creepy makeover. Her head is a raccoon-eyed mullet. So emo-cool. Except not, since she’s still pale as hell — pretty sure her hair and skin are a matching shade of white. So she parties all night long with Agnes and her creepy photographer friend, leaving her with no time to remake the dress. Eleanor gets pissed about it, but with Agnes feeding Jenny’s giant ego, little J dramatically takes her dresses and quits on the spot. So Agnes tells Jenny she can TOTALLY start her own line. Because you know, it’s that easy to become a successful fashion designer. And with the help of a teenage model and her sketchy friend, anything’s possible! So throughout the episode, it shows Nate being all concerned. And Agnes is all like “omg he lovez you.” And Jenny’s like “lol no he’s liek my bro.” Things culminate when J/A/Creeper hang out at the apartment and J/A decide it’d be really fun to dance around in their bras while Creeper photographs them. Of course Nate walks in and drags her away. On the street, they have a confrontation where Jenny acts all bratty and is like why do you even care. Then she kisses him. Could’ve ended there Schwartz! But no. He kisses her back, and they make out. And I die a little on the inside.

Thoughts

• I believe I took an oath an episode or two ago. That if Nate and Jenny got together, I would boycott the show. BUT I have a feeling they might not last past the next episode, so I’ll give the show a chance to redeem itself.
• Yes, I’m aware Nate and Jenny get together in the book. But the show’s been so different that I had hoped this wouldn’t happen. She’s not good enough for him, with the whiny, bitchy attitude. Especially post-makeover! It just doesn’t work when the guy’s that much prettier than the girl. I mean, unfortunately that means slim-pickings for Nate. But he shouldn’t settle for icky Jenny.
• Dan and Serena trying to be friends will never work. “Doomed attempt” was well said by Blair. Dan even said the single greatest moment of his life was when Serena said ILY. Just get back together already, we all know it’s going to happen at some point.
• Same with Chuck and Blair. To reiterate, Josh Schwartz HATES happiness. World’s biggest sadist.
• Reading Blair and Serena’s texts makes me want to vomit. B: IN UR ROOM. THIS WILL B EZ. S: U R SO BAD!!!! ….like, I thought these were supposed to be future Ivy League-ers. Can’t take the time to spell complete words?

Quotes

• Blair (to Dan/Serena): “Even broken up, you guys make me nauseous.”
• Blair: “Chuck just texted me, he wants to meet me on the roof. This way if he doesn’t say it back, I can just jump. Then he’ll be really sorry.” Serena: “Oh no, don’t do it B. You don’t want your obit to say you died in Brooklyn.”

Next Week

More Jenny. And her new bf Nate. Could I BE more thrilled? Luckily, it looks like things go swiftly downhill for “Little J.” Illegal fashion shows, Blair sabotage, Dan beating up Nate and Rufus calling the cops on his own daughter? If Jenny gets arrested, all is forgiven.