Authentic butterbeer! Photo by Tracy Fuad/NBN.

As much as I enjoyed Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban in the fourth grade (and maybe one or two times after that), something about it has always nagged me. It wasn’t the usual creepiness of Snape. It wasn’t the continual suggestions that Harry was going to die. It wasn’t even that freaky trance Trelawney has towards the end of the book. No. It was butterbeer. Yes, that delicious beverage the kids consume in Hogsmeade. Why was I so bothered by this scrumptiously described drink? Because I believed I would never get to taste it. However, I am happy to tell you that I was wrong. We Muggles may too enjoy the benefits of a tall mug of butterbeer. Here, I will describe to you how to make not only butterbeer, but all of the fictional beverages you’ve been dreaming about drinking for years.

Butterbeer

I’m sure most of you are familiar with the beverage of my nine-year-old dreams. There’s even a wizard rock band called The Butterbeer Experience. But for those of you who aren’t huge Harry Potter dorks like myself, butterbeer is a drink that Harry and the gang consume in Hogsmeade that gives them a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. Here’s the recipe for butterbeer, just like Madame Rosmerta makes it.

You’ll need:

What to do: Mix the schnapps into the cream soda. Stir lightly so as not to let the soda go flat. Serve in beer mugs. Defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Ent-draught
Those of you who prefer Middle Earth to Hogwarts know that Ent-draught is a drink that has the taste of a woodland breeze as well as other special qualities. When the hobbits drink it in The Fellowship of the Ring, it makes their hair grow and it makes them grow taller. This recipe for Ent-draught might not make you gain any inches, but it will probably get you pretty drunk.

“Where’s my Ambrosia?!”
Photo by Greekgeek on Flickr, licensed under the Creative Commons.

You’ll need:

What to do: Mix all ingredients in a punch bowl. Drink. Sorry if it doesn’t help your midterm-induced premature hair loss.

Ambrosia
In Ancient Greece, ambrosia was the drink of the gods. It was supposed to have had a sublime scent and taste and to have bestowed immortality on whmoever drank it. For me, ambrosia is diet coke. There is, however, also a mixed drink called ambrosia that is both sweeter than diet coke and less likely to cause cancer. Here’s how to mix your own divine drink.

You’ll need:

What to do: Combine all ingredients except champagne in a cocktail shaker and shake. Pour over ice. Add champagne and stir gently. Drink. Pack up your things and move to Mount Olympus.

The Flaming Moe (originally the Flaming Homer)
This drink comes from a classic episode from the The Simpsons’ heyday. When Moe’s Tavern runs out of beer one night, Homer tells Moe about a drink he unintentionally invented. After running out of beer one evening, he poured whatever was left of several booze bottles into a glass, accidentally including a bottle of Krusty’s Non-Narkotik Kough Syrup. Marge’s sister Patty dropped cigarette ashes in the drink and set it ablaze, making it much tastier. Moe stole Homer’s drink idea, renamed it and it became the appletini of Springfield. Now you can taste the drink that briefly turned Moe’s Tavern into a trendy bar.

You’ll need:

What to do: Combine all ingredients in a glass and stir. Light beverage on fire and put it out. Try not to burn down the dorm. Imbibe.

“The Freshmen Freeze”
Okay, this beverage hasn’t been featured in any novels, myths or television shows, but it is something I dream about. Plus, if your dorm has a C-Store in it, you probably won’t even have to leave the building for ingredients.
You’ll need:

What to do: Pour vodka into slushy. Allow it to soak all the way through the ice. Get your drink on.

Want to mix up fictional drinks of your own?
Angela Roman of The Signature Lounge in downtown Chicago has some tips for fledgling mixologists:

Now go confidently in the direction of the drinks of your dreams.