Photo by Jared in Kansas on Flickr, licensed under Creative Commons.

Q: What is there in Manhattan, Kansas?
A: Well, the main draw of Manhattan is that it’s home to Kansas State University, one of two state universities in Kansas. There’s also Konza Prairie, a large reserve of native tall grass prairie. My personal favorite is “Country Stampede,” a country music festival held annually every June where I once saw a young man with a tattoo that said “BLOW ME” written in a large Garamond-style font across his lower torso.

Q: We’re not in Kansas anymore! I bet you hear that a lot, huh?
A: Yes, I do. Thank you for repeating it to me again. Sometimes when I get homesick it helps if a total idiot uses a stereotypical regionally-flavored cliché to try and pick me up.

Q: What’s it like growing up in a college town and then moving away to another one?
A: Well, every college town is unique. I never thought that I would adjust to life on the North Shore because it seemed so much more metropolitan than my hometown. Imagine my surprise when my favorite restaurant from home, Chipotle, was within walking distance of campus. And then I found out that Evanston had a Jamba Juice and a Borders. The only disconcerting thing was my addiction to Starbucks Fall Quarter of my freshman year. We didn’t have one back in Manhattan so I thought it would be a rough transition when I went back for winter break. Wouldn’t you know it though — Starbucks came to Manhattan while I was away at school!

Q: So you’re from a small Midwestern town. Are you pretty conservative?
A: Actually I’m a socialist.

Q: Really?
A: Haha no! In fact I’m laughing about it to myself right now as I re-read my personally autographed version of The No Spin Zone while praying (only Christian prayers, preferably Protestant) and think about how much I hate flag-burners.

(Whew, for a second there I thought that maybe I’d have to view you as an individual instead of part of a large regional group lampooned by The Daily Show. John Stewart is hilarious!)

Q: Have you ever seen a tornado?
A: Normally, I would kick someone in the shins for asking me this question, but as it stands Manhattan was actually hit by an F4 tornado last summer. Although no one was killed, the tornado managed to inflict about $20 million in damage to K-State University, level 15 homes while seriously damaging 30 others (including the house of a friend of mine, which was afterwards condemned — she’d lived there all her life) and destroying a car dealership named “Little Apple Toyota Honda.”

Q: Did you grow up on a farm?
A: No. I did live across the way from my uncle’s farm until the age of 8, when my family moved down the street to where they live now, up the hill from a different farm. However, this is largely unrepresentative of everyone else in Kansas that I’ve ever known. And I know nothing about farming.

Q: I’m from New Jersey!
A: That’s not a question. If you would’ve bothered to read just a space over, you would’ve realized that I’m not from New York. So although I do have a vague sense that I don’t like you, I really can’t talk to you about the Yankees, Coney Island or that new restaurant in the Meatpacking District. Besides, you’re from Jersey.

Q: Why should I care about the fact that you’re from Manhattan, Kansas?
A: I don’t know. Why should I care about the fact that you’re from a suburb of Boston? Or the deep South? Or Malibu? If we were both from Chicago, what are the odds we’d like each other or even have marginally similar experiences? Beyond the awkward and socially obligatory “Where are you from?” that freshmen ask each other a million times at the beginning of a new school year, what’s the point of asking this question at all? I think, to some degree, your environment shapes your character and your views, but at this point I’m looking for novelty and knowledge over freshman bonding. If you actually are from Phoenix or India or Augusta, Maine, come find me, because we’ve got things to talk about.