Editor’s note appended

Despite their deceptive tastiness or healthy reputation, restaurant foods are often slathered with salt, soaked with sugar and steeped with calories and fat. These dishes are the worst food Evanston has to offer, and they’re not just fast food fare. When you go out to treat yourself, avoid these dishes at all costs. Your waistline and arteries will thank you later.

Worst appetizer

Chili’s Texas Cheese Fries with Jalapeno-Ranch Dressing

1930 calories
3660 mg sodium

*This “appetizer” will provide you with more than your daily salt and caloric intake before dinner even arrives.

Alternative: Chili’s is generally a black hole when it comes to finding something that won’t instantaneously clog your arteries. If you’re trying fill a starchy craving, go for a side of home-style fries with 430 calories and 240 mg of sodium instead.

Worst coffee

Starbucks Venti Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha with 2-percent milk and whipped cream

660 calories
22 g fat (15 g saturated fat)
95 g sugar

This coffee drink will provide you with a first-class ticket to a sugar coma with the sugar equivalent of eight Dunkin’ Donuts glazed donuts. Amazingly, Starbucks still manages to squeeze in a third of your calories for the day into your coffee cup.

Alternative: Starbucks’s holiday fare is always chock-full of sugary syrups, so stick with a classic like a White Chocolate Mocha. And if you must have a Venti, skip the whip and choose nonfat milk for a 450 calorie drink with seven grams of fat and 74 grams of sugar but the same old caffeine kick.

Worst smoothie

Jamba Juice Chocolate Moo’d Power Smoothie (30 oz.)

836 calories
187 g sugar

Congrats to Jamba Juice for hiding a calorie-laden milkshake under the moniker “smoothie.” With more sugar than a bag of chocolate chips, this drink is far from the healthy choice it claims to be.

Alternative: Honestly, Jamba Juice fare is generally a healthy choice, as long as you sip on with something with fruit in a cup smaller than your head. For example, the 24-oz. Pomegranate Paradise is packed with Vitamin C rather than sugar for only 340 calories.

Worst Mexican food

Chipotle Mexican Grilled Chicken Burrito

1,290 calories
3,455 mg sodium
51 g fat

Surprise, surprise: Chipotle is horrible for you! Who’d have thought? Their grilled chicken burrito takes the cake with the same amount of salt as five orders of medium fries at BK.

Alternative: If you’re desperate for Chipotle, grab 3 soft chicken tacos instead for 710 calories and 1,715 mg of sodium. Even turning this burrito into a bowl still has more than 800 calories.

Worst ice cream

Ben and Jerry’s Vermonster

7,000 calories*
400 g fat*

Truly the beast of desserts, the Vermonster is the craziest concoction of the minds behind Chunky Monkey and Phish Food. Comprised of 20 scoops of ice cream, bananas, cookies, brownies, hot fudge and whatever else happens to be lying behind the counter, it has the caloric equivalent of 27 large cups of Red Mango. This dessert makes death by ice cream seem plausible. * = estimated.

Alternative: Anything is better, but if you’re looking to be healthy at Ben and Jerry’s, look for their sorbet. Mango Lime has about 100 calories per half-cup serving and is lower in sugar and fat than other menu options.

Worst pizza

Papa John’s Pan Crust Hawaiian BBQ Chicken Pizza

3,520 calories
7,520 mg sodium

Evanston has countless options for your 2 a.m. pizza delivery pleasure, so it shouldn’t be too hard to stay away from this disaster. Each slice has 440 calories, so with two you’ll be a little shy of 1,000 calories.

Alternative: To get your late night pizza fix, order a medium original crust pizza. Even The Works has less than 250 calories a slice.

This article previously compared the fat content of the Chipotle chicken burrito as being equivalent to 16 Taco Bell Crunchy Tacos without properly attributing this research to Men’s Health. An editor’s note accompanies this article. North by Northwestern deeply regrets this error.