Bonnaroo

as experienced by Neal Emery
June 11-14, Manchester, Tenn.
Headliners: Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, Phish, Beastie Boys

What made you choose to go to this festival?
The overall experience. Lollapalooza usually has a similarly stacked lineup and other festivals boast camping and copious drug use, but Bonnaroo is in a league of its own. No other festival has Kanye West come on at 4 a.m., hippies showering in a giant mushroom fountain and documentaries every morning about the origin of the banjo, ’shrooms or other bizarre topics.

What are some must-bring items?
Food! Lots of it. Everything is REALLY expensive inside ($5 for a slice of pizza or bottle of water). Also, bring multiple pairs of comfortable shoes because you will probably be on your feet 10 hours a day, and they will get destroyed by mud/rain/dirt/spilled drinks/whatever else you can imagine. Nothing that you wouldn’t really expect. Lots of money because ATM fees are $5 or so and its not like you can go to one outside — re-entry is tough and Manchester is a town of only a few thousand people.

What items are prohibited? How strict are festival staff on enforcing this?
Glass of any sort. They are really strict about this — the car in front of me on the way in had to drink/give away four or five cases of nice microbrew in glass bottles before they could go in. Also, anything that could be construed as a weapon — a friend who volunteered said a guy tried to bring a three-foot long “watermelon cutter” in, and it got confiscated.

How strict are they concerning rowdiness and otherwise raucous behavior?
Very lax overall. Among last year’s highlights were: “F*** Kanye” chat while people waited for concerts; locals trying to inflict their Christian dogma on festival-goers with signs reading “Jerry Garcia, Jim Morrison and John Lennon are burning in hell” and “Submit to God or Suffer For Eternity”; naked people showering in the mushroom and various other sights. There are cops, but they are just to keep you from getting into fights or hurting yourself.

What’s the deal with parking?
You pretty much have to drive — it’s in the middle of nowhere. I think there’s a bus that will take you there to meet up with others, but you basically need a car as a place to stay/camp at.

What should I wear?
Prepare for everything — 100-degree heat, four days of downpour, a leaky tent, shoes breaking or getting destroyed. You just never know what will happen, what the weather will be like, and you can’t exactly run out and get more clothes (except the $40 shirts at the merchandise booths).

Is there camping?
Tent, cover over tent, tarp for under tent and sun tent to hang out under in the mornings are all highly recommended. Again, you just never know what the weather will be like.

What’s the drinking/drug situation?
Significant amounts of both. Marijuana, ’shrooms, acid, X and other drugs will be offered or given to you by various people. They also don’t really card for alcohol, but again, bring your own and drink outside the official concert area because inside it’s really expensive. If worst comes to worst, you can buy Jaeger Bombs, shots and various other drinks from guys who line the main street.

What’s the bathroom situation?
There are tons of porta-potties that are cleaned out nightly. Showers cost between $5 and $10 depending on length, hot water, etc. You can shower for free in the mushroom fountain (highly recommended).

What’s the nightlife like?
Concerts go until two to five, depending on the night. There is a silent disco, a more club-like dance area, a bar, a small jazz club and tons of concerts, so it’s pretty ideal.

What is it about this festival that makes it unique from other festivals?
The whole package. It combines the great lineup, camping, crazy antics by attendees and musicians alike and general debauchery that you don’t get at any other festival. Bonnaroo is a four-day bubble of happiness, music, eco-friendliness and freedom.

How is the listening and viewing experience?
Listening experience is very good. The stages rarely bleed over (you could, during some quieter bands such as Jose Gonzalez, hear the thumping bass of a rap concert, but for the most part it is excellent). They use fantastic sound equipment and do a good job stage checking, so pretty much every band sounds really good. The tents definitely have the best atmosphere and sound quality while you lose some at the two giant stages. The two or three smaller stages are all really fun because you can see a favorite band in a really chill, low key environment. Also, if two solid bands conflict on the schedule, usually one or the other will play a short set at a small stage, so you can still see more bands. For the best viewing experience and most fun, pick a stage or two each day and just basically camp out there and watch all of the bands, so you can can get all the way up front. We went to Sigur Ros about five hours early and were about five feet from the band. It was totally worth it — it barely compares to seeing a concert from far away.

Would you go again?
I would go again in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I have a final during the second day, so it isn’t possible for me to go this year. It was a blast last year, and I would go again in a heartbeat.

Pitchfork Music Festival

as experienced by Tina Frank
July 17-19, Union Park Chicago, Ill.
Headliners: Built to Spill, The National, The Flaming Lips

What made you choose to go to this festival?
I went to Pitchfork because I loved some of the bands playing, it was nearby and it was cheap.

What are some must-bring items?
Sunscreen is a MUST (it can help you prevent sunglasses tan). I would also bring earplugs. I know you’re going to the festival for the music, but I was in the front row to see the band Spiritualized last summer, and the way they had the speakers set up was that they were under the front lip of the stage, so they were right in front of me. They had the bass turned up so loud my hair flew back every time the drummer hit the kick drum. It was awesome, but really hurt my ears.

What items are prohibited? How strict are festival staff on enforcing this?
This was so bogus but more than two water bottles are not allowed, and they did not care about the size of the water bottles either, just the number. I brought four mini bottles and had to throw two out, but this other guy brought two huge ones and got to keep both. They check everyone’s bags at the gate; most of the stuff that was being taken away was food and water. Taking away the food part was okay though — the food inside is from local restaurants and was really good.

How strict are they concerning rowdiness and otherwise raucous behavior?
I didn’t really notice people being too rowdy, the security S3 were all really nice. I made friends with one of them while waiting for the Dodos to start, and he ended up working the front of Brazilian Girls at Lolla, so we got to hang out again. It was pretty cool.

What’s the deal with parking?
No idea about parking, but it is literally five steps off the Green line Ashland stop. At night, when the festival is over for the day, lots of people opt to walk back, so it’s like a mass exodus of hipsters walking north to Wicker Park, Lakeview, etc. Also, don’t try to walk to the next closest El stop, they are a lot farther away than you think, and it’s kind of a sketchy neighborhood.

What should I wear?
Wear light clothes. It is really hot in Chicago in August. Don’t bring a jacket, but it is fun to people-watch at this festival. People kind of dress to impress.

Is there camping?
No camping allowed.

What’s the drinking/drug situation?
Beer was all Goose Island 312, and they were one of the main festival sponsors. People sneak in drugs (mostly pot I think) and alcohol though — it’s a music festival.

What’s the bathroom situation?
Port-a-Potties, no showers. But they did have a mud pit like last year’s Dillo Day.

What’s the nightlife like?
The festival has to end by 10 or 10:30 because it is in a Chicago neighborhood, and there are noise curfews I think. There is a Pitchfork-sponsored after party/concert, but I did not go.

What is it about this festival that makes it unique from other festivals?
I really like this festival because it has relatively new artists. They have a whole art area where local artists show their stuff. It was really cool; they sold handmade silkscreen concert posters, clothing, jewelry and crafts. It also has really good restaurants selling food. There’s the mainstream Chipotle, but it also has some good vegan/vegetarian restaurants,and some good ethnic food as well.

How is the listening and viewing experience?
In general it was pretty good. They have a small space, so they try to stagger the acts so that two stages next to each other are not playing at the same time. This worked pretty well, except by the end of the day, they were off-schedule and some of the music bled from one stage to the other. It was annoying.

Would you go again?
I would definitely go again, I had such a great time! This year they raised the prices again (they have been doing major price increases every year), and I cannot go this year because I will be in New York, so I am going to All Points West instead!

All Points West

as experienced by Max Brawer
July 31-Aug. 2 Liberty State Park, N.J.
Headliners: Beastie Boys, Tool, Coldplay

Why did you decide to go to this festival?
I went to APW last year almost entirely out of spontaneity. I was unfamiliar with a number of the acts and didn’t think to commit, but then I encountered this classic scenario with a friend: “Dude, I have tickets for next week, let’s go it’ll be fun!” I gave in. At the very least it would be a nice summer day, and I had always wanted to see Radiohead live.

What items are prohibited? How strict are festival staff about enforcing this?
The worst thing about APW was the prohibition of food and water. Inside the full-day summer concert, you will get dehydrated and nearly starve. Most festivals milk extra money out of you this way, but APW requires longevity in the face of extreme heat. Definitely sneak in any food and water you can by any means necessary.

How rowdy is the festival –- and how to festival staff handle rowdy behavior?
As far as crowd behavior, no concert staff is ever in sight. No one says a word. The concert-goers are largely quiet and chill, as per the nature of the show. No worries in terms of raucousness.

How’s the transportation situation?
Transportation to APW is fun and easy. The show is held on in New Jersey, so Manhattanites can take the ferry and everyone else takes the super-cheap NJ Transit. However, going home at night was one of the biggest ordeals of my lifetime. Thousands will flock towards the ferries to get home, so expect to spend 2-3 hours between the end of the show and arriving home.

What should I wear?
Bring towels and comfortable clothes.

Any camping?
There is no camping involved.

How’s the drinking and drugs situation?
The level of intoxication is typical of an outdoor musical festival.

What’s the bathroom situation?
Bathrooms are available, however, you have to lose your place in front of the stage and hike to the port-a-potties. No fun.

Are there any nighttime activities?
No nighttime activities, just music.

What makes All Points West unique?
The festival is unique in that it is of a more relaxed, groovy nature than a show like Lollapalooza. The music is usually summery and spacey, not meant for moshing.

How’s the listening experience?
The listening experience varies from band to band. Radiohead had unbelievably beautiful and well-engineered sound, while Animal Collective was so bassy that you had to sit down to avoid being choked by sound pressure (really).

Would you ever go back?
I would go again this year, the Sunday lineup looks great!

Lollapalooza

as experienced by Thomas O (who declined to give his full last name)
August 7-9, Grant Park Chicago, Ill.
Headliners include: Depeche Mode, Tool, The Killers, Jane’s Addiction, Beastie Boys, Kings of Leon)

What are some must bring items?
Well, besides obvious items (water, hat, sunscreen) you may want to bring something like binoculars (or a monocular if you only have one eye) to get a closer look at the bands. It might be cool to get a spray bottle with some water in it if it’s a really hot day. You’re also going to want some good shoes, or your feet will hurt. Don’t weigh yourself down with too much shit — I doubt you really need that umbrella/picnic basket/AM radio. Don’t forget your goddamn ticket.

What items are prohibited? How strict are festival staff about on enforcing this?
Well, I didn’t get patted down when I went in but they searched my friend’s bag. Don’t bring anything that you would get really bummed out about if it got confiscated.

How strict are they concerning rowdiness and otherwise raucous behavior?
If you’re hammered and passing out they might kick you of the park. If you’re yelling during a concert you’re an asshole and deserve to be forcibly removed, but “rowdiness/raucous behavior” is not actually going to get you in trouble. Keep in mind they have a relatively small staff when compared to the throngs of disgusting hipsters who have shown up only to get a shitty iPhone picture of Santigold singing that one shitty song from that one shitty iPhone commercial.

What’s the deal with parking?
We parked near the venue and it worked out surprisingly well — I think we paid about $30 for a day. You can also take the El and it will work just fine. Get there early to get your money’s worth.

What kind of weather can I expect?
It’s summer, so I would expect it to be hot? Are you asking me to give you a forecast two months in advance? If so, I can tell you the average daily high on an August day in Chicago is 82 degrees.

What should I wear?
I would suggest wearing a Crystal Castles t-shirt you bought off eBay, some tight black cutoffs with the pockets showing, and those flip-flops with the bottle-opener built into the sole so you can imbibe a tiny amount of dog shit every time you pop open another Corona Light. Personally, I wore a clear plastic poncho with nothing under it. I was both protected from the rain and got a great all-body tan!

Is there camping?
No camping, which I don’t understand since Lolla is more expensive than comparable festivals with camping included.

What’s the drinking/drug situation?
There’s a lot of weed, and some people clearly on shrooms, acid, PCP, ketamine, downers, uppers, horse tranqs, etc. I saw a guy get his weed confiscated, and he was very sad. Immediately afterward, someone handed him a joint, and he was slightly less sad, but still a little sad. I would say that it is easy to get drugs into the venue, and that there are quite a lot of people who are high. Be safe.

What’s the bathroom situation?
There are some really disgusting port-a-potties. I had to pee on a fence during Rage Against the Machine. I forget why.

What is it about this festival that makes it unique from other festivals?
The urban setting. The fact that Lolla is in Grant Park is the best and worst part of the festival. Best because of the spectacular view of the Chicago skyline from almost anywhere in the park (people who went to the election night rally know what I’m talking about), and worst because Grant Park is too small for what Lollapalooza has become — a sold out, incredibly packed, overhyped and too-expensive music festival featuring a middling lineup.

If you go, you must see Dan Auerbach, he will put on an incredible show. I would also recommend Los Campesinos!, Band of Horses, and Atmosphere (Atmosphere being just about the only worthwhile hip-hop act at Lolla this year).

How is the listening/viewing experience?
If you’re going to Lolla for a good listening or viewing experience, forget it. The sound bleeds terribly, you won’t get anywhere near the bands without being crushed, and it’s hard to even travel from one stage to the next without being jostled and just standing around while drunk people shove you. Most people seemed to be there for the beer, which was $17 for a warm glass.