The procrastinator’s logic in putting things off is best explained in the following quote from season two of Grey’s Anatomy:

“Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we’re wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know; maybe we just wouldn’t feel real. What’s that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.”

There is no greater feeling of relief than getting a paper printed and stapled five minutes before it’s due to be handed in. Race to class, throw it on the pile with everyone else’s work and done. Sit down, wait for class to be over and go back to bed. Lie down, soak in the glorious feeling of your full weight on the mattress and your carefree head on the pillow and three, two, one…out.

The difference between my form of procrastination and most other students’ is that I enjoy what I call “constructive” procrastination. I don’t waste time by re-watching movies, perusing photos on Facebook, or shopping for new music on iTunes. Don’t get me wrong. I do those things to fill the void of hours between classes or between the end of classes and dinner, but not in the peak hours of procrastination.

Instead, I start off my late-night study/paper writing sessions with good intentions. I lay out all my books and notes and collect my pens and highlighters and open up Microsoft Word ready to begin. But then I see I have to reference Wikipedia for something. Alright, Internet open. Search Montgomery Bus Boycott. Hm, Rosa Parks died in 2005…sad. Oh, but Condoleezza Rice spoke at her funeral. How nice. She used to teach at Stanford? Leland Stanford was one of the Big Four wasn’t he? I think I learned that in fourth grade.

The end result is that I possess all this innocuous knowledge that serves no real purpose other than to make me blurt out random facts at lunchtime in the midst of otherwise mindless chatter. Worse still, my problem only gets progressively worse as general apathy sets in and the “fear” I had in high school that compelled me to begin work earlier steadily wanes into nonexistence. In fact, unless I’m really excited about an assignment, I have no other way to boot my ass into gear than to watch the clock wind down until the early hours of the morning when I finally realize I actually need to dig into my work.

The worst time vacuum has to be reading week. Last fall, I actually tried to get work done early like a good student to help keep the stress from getting to me. What was the end result? I finished my French assignment five days in advance, put it on my shelf to be handed in on its due date, and completely forgot it was there until one hour after the deadline.

Luckily my professor was very understanding and accepted my final the next day with no penalties. But had I pulled my usual all-nighter and finished the paper the day of, I would have printed it off, stapled it, raced to the French department and spared myself the pleading e-mail that stressed me out for hours between the time it was sent and the time my professor sent her benevolent reply.

Everyone can and occasionally does procrastinate. Suddenly laundry needs to be done, errands need to be run and you haven’t called home in a while, so why not chat up Mom and Dad for an hour or so before getting that essay started? My only difference is that I still like learning when I’m wasting my time.

Anyway, now that I’ve completed this assignment, I suppose I only have seven hours to explain how the Cold War affected race relations between 1945 and 1965. Aren’t you jealous?