The Goat or Who is Sylvia? is about Martin, an architect who is in the midst of a high point in his life. He is not only awarded a great contract and receives an international prize, but he also turns 50 all in one week. Martin’s marriage, career, and life are threatened when his family learns his secret — who Sylvia is.

Shanley Pavilion
Thursday, January 25th at 8 PM
Friday, January 26th at 8 and 11 PM
Saturday, January 27th at 8 and 11 PM

Tickets are $5 at the door.

Listen to the countdown and the sorority chants:

Audio by Patrick St. Michel. Photos by Anna Waigand. Produced by Tom Giratikanon.

This year, I decided my family should try something new. I wanted to add a little flavor to the same-old-same-old, huge-ass turkey concept (come on, ten pounders are so last year). This Thanksgiving, I wanted to try the one, the only turducken.

I know, it isn’t that new of an idea, but it just sounds so delectable. For those of you who don’t know just what this little fantasy of mine exactly is, a turducken isn’t what happens when a turkey, a duck, and a chicken fall in love and decide to have babies (but that’s actually close). A turducken is actually a recipe for a chicken stuffed inside of a duck which is then stuffed inside of a turkey. Sounds delicious, right? Who would not want meat, stuffed inside of meat, stuffed inside of meat? A crazy vegan, I know, but they don’t count.

According to the all-knowing Wikipedia, the turducken is Cajun in origin, but no one is quite certain where it actually began. The concept has been around for a while, but wasn’t popular until a good old football announcer decided turduckens would be a great reward to hand-out to the winning players on Thanksgiving Day. Madden even went so far as to show the layers of the turducken using his much-loved Telestrator.

When I told my father that this would be the new plan for Thanksgiving dinner, he laughed. Turducken meant too much work, too much money, and — oh right — too much work. But after working my youngest-child wily ways, he agreed to at least research it and maybe make it.

I, naively, thought that the turducken was the end-all and be-all of Thanksgiving meals. That is until I saw this: a Whole Stuffed Camel. That’s right, you read me correctly: a whole freaking stuffed camel! The recipe is from the International Cuisine cookbook.

It consists of:

• 1 whole camel, medium size
• 1 whole lamb, large size
• 20 whole chickens, medium size
• 60 eggs
• 12 kilos rice
• 2 kilos pine nuts
• 2 kilos almonds
• 1 kilo pistachio nuts
• 110 gallons water
• 5 pounds black pepper
• Salt to taste

Serves friendly crowd of 80 to 100.

I know what you’re thinking: how much salt do you need for that “salt to taste”? Well, my guess is it would be about four pounds of salt, probably the largest amount of “salt to taste” ever known to mankind. Also, remember that the 12 kilos of rice are uncooked. When cooked, rice expands a drastic amount. This amount of rice would probably fill an entire dorm room. Imagine it: you walk down the hall to your room, there is the smell of cooking in the air, you open your door, and bam! Cooked rice from top to bottom fills your entire room. Yes, that is a hell of a lot of rice.

It’s ironic that the chickens are stuffed with hard-boiled eggs inside the camel. Chickens being re-stuffed with the exact same thing that they start their lives by popping out of. I feel so bad for them. Those chickens have got to feel like their whole life was a waste. And how large is a “whole lamb, large”? This lamb does need to be large enough to hold 20 whole chickens, plus a bunch of rice. That’s a lot of poultry to stuff inside of any poor lamb, dead or alive.

Making a whole stuffed camel isn’t very popular – in fact, there are few documented cases of the “dish” ever being prepared. The recipe comes from Saudi Arabia and is said to be cooked for Bedouin wedding feasts. Many believe that it is a myth, but it has been in the Guinness Book of World Records for being the “largest item on any menu” (although this recipe has the chickens stuffed with fish and the eggs stuffed into the fish).

I thought the mammoth meat-eating recipes would stop there, but I was, again, naïve. Stuffing animals with other animals seems to be a long-standing pastime for we crazy carnivores. It turns out there is a long list of other stuffed dishes, including

• Gooducken = Goose + duck + chicken
• Turduckencorpheail = Turkey + duck + chicken + Cornish game hen + pheasant + quail
• Turgoduckmaguikenantidgeonck (I don’t think this can actually be pronounced) = Turkey + goose + duck + mallard + guineafowl + chicken + pheasant + partridge + pigeon + woodcock (you will need a sturdy, strapping table for this one: it packs in a whopping 22lbs of bird)
• Bustergophechideckneaealckideverwingailusharkolanine = bustard + turkey + goose + pheasant + chicken + duck + guinea fowl + teal + woodcock + partridge + plover + lapwing + quail + thrush + lark + ortolan + passerine (if you know what even half of these birds are then you need to throw away your National Geographic Field Guide To The Birds Of North America and look in the mirror because it says “LOSER” on your forehead)

These, um, interesting variations on the popular turducken seem far less appetizing to me. I’ve never wanted to eat a pigeon, even if there is a woodcock stuffed inside, much less to eat 17 different birds stuffed inside one another. Maybe some people think that a great way to bring in the holiday is to eat the partridge instead of housing it in that damn pear tree. Maybe some people just hate birds.

My family, on the other hand, ended up being Plain-Turkey-Janes and only stuffed our turkey with bread and vegetables. Although, after realizing how many meat-filled-meat meal choices there are, I can’t help but to wonder just what it would be like to have that much meat on my table ready for the devouring. Maybe next year…maybe this Christmas…

RECKLESS by Craig Lucas
Produced by Meghan Mackenzie
Directed by Jeremy Bloom

Reckless is the story of Rachel, a euphoric wife and mother who is pushed out of her house (through the window) after her husband tells her he has taken out a contract on her life. “Reckless” follows Rachel through her many journeys from game shows to near-death experiences.

McCormick Auditorium
November 16-18
Thursday 8PM
Friday 8PM and 11PM
Saturday 8PM and 11PM

Tickets $5 at the door.

THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW
Produced by Ryan Grossheim
Directed by Philip Markle

When an innocent couple wanders into the Frankenstein Place, they don’t know what they are getting into. Sweet transvestites, rose-tinted worlds, and the Time Warp transform the couple into lust-filled, sex-hungry creatures just like the rest of the residents under Dr. Frankenfurter’s roof.

Shanley Pavilion
November 16-18
Thursday 8 PM
Friday 8 PM and 11PM
Saturday 8 and 11 PM

Tickets $5 at the door and sold at Norris.

Proof by David Auburn
Directed by Justin Mann

Proof is the story of Catherine, the daughter of a famous mathematician, when her father dies. One of his ex-students, Hal, wants to go through her father’s notes and her sister heartlessly wants to finish dealing with their father’s things.

Thursday, November 9 @ 8pm
Friday, November 10 @ 8pm and 11pm
Saturday, November 11 @ 2pm and 8pm

Tickets are $5 at the door.
All shows are in the McCormick Auditorium in Norris.

The War Hall by Alex Robins
Directed by Lee Stark

Plot summary according to The War Hall Facebook group:
‘Mr. Whyte needs a mural to impress the Grand Pooba. Roman Coughman needs someone to play the ficticious Fernando Sanchez, the magical mural painter. Chris needs money to get a bus for underprivileged kids, so he pretends to be Fernando. Mrs. Whyte is in love with Chris. Claire is in love with Chris but she’s dressed as a man pretending to be a reporter. Larry is Claire’s boy friend who wants to destroy culture. The Party Planner needs to throw the greatest party of all time. The Triplets need to get their act together in time to throw the party. The Maid is scared of all of this. And Mr. Tibbits is spying on everyone as everything goes on.’

Thursday, November 9 @ 8pm
Friday, November 10 @ 8pm and 11pm
Saturday, November 11 @ 8pm and 11pm

Tickets are $5 at the door.
All shows are in Shanley.

Here’s a sneak peak. (Showtimes below.)

Spectrum Theatre Company’s Stop Kiss by Diana Son
Directed by Sharina Martin
NOVEMBER 2: 8 PM
NOVEMBER 3: 8 PM and 11 PM
NOVEMBER 4: 8 PM and 11 PM
All shows in the Jones Great Room.

Machinal by Sophie Treadwell
Directed by Jocelyn Kelvin
NOVEMBER 3: 8 PM
NOVEMBER 4: 2 PM and 8 PM
All shows in the Wallis theatre.

Lover’s and Madmen’s production of Twelfth Night
Directed by Ross Knorr
NOVEMBER 2: 8 PM
NOVEMBER 3: 8 PM AND 11 PM
NOVEMBER 4: 8PM AND 11PM
All shows are in the Louis Room.

Also going up this weekend, but not pictured:
The Shape of Things by Neil Labute
Directed by Jennifer Hoguet
NOVEMBER 3: 8 PM
NOVEMBER 4: 2 PM and 8 PM
All shows in the Struble theatre.

Shows will be:
Thursday, October 26, 8 p.m.
Friday, October 27, 8 p.m., 11 p.m.
Saturday, October 28 8 p.m., 11 p.m.

and will perform in the Jones Great Room. Tickets are sold at the door.

Performances:
Thursday, Oct. 19: 8 p.m.
Friday, Oct. 20: 8 p.m., 11 p.m.
Saturday, Oct. 21: 8 p.m., 11 p.m.

Entering into the theatre, you’re given a small card with a picture. This serves both as your ticket and your program. You choose a seat, all of which are practically on the stage. Looking around you see actors in costume mingling with the audience and strumming their guitars. They want you to see them, not just for ego’s sake, but because this is part of the show.

The show is set up as a play within a play and then with some more plays within that. The title comes from the famous, feuding Southern families, but the story is a combination of Romeo and Juliet and Macbeth, mixed with A Mighty Wind’s folk-style songs and a revivalist meeting or two. The families are exact opposites and complete enemies. The play starts off with three Hatfields killing multiple Yankees in order to kill one McCoy, setting up the brutal and bloody nature of the play.

As gruesome revenge gradually destroys each family, short plays within the play lighten the mood. These are put on by Rose Anna McCoy, a feisty, Shakespeare-loving tomboy who falls in love with Johnse, a Hatfield. She is the only character who, using her skits, naively tries to make amends between both families.

It is obvious you are supposed to be aware that you are watching a play. The characters talk to the audience not just before the play starts and during intermission, but even if they have “died” a mere five seconds ago.

They address lines to the audience only to ignore them a minute later. They sing songs concert-style between scenes, complete with bulky, visible, wireless microphones. In one song, a character plays a modern plastic-backed guitar complete with volume controls.

Only some characters keep their southern accent, and even fewer of them are actually believable.

Then the play throws you the kicker. Like any good Shakespearean tragedy, almost everyone dies. Sara Hoyer, who plays Rose Anna, shines when she honestly portrays the gut wrenching transformation through shock then grief at her lover’s death. She gives the best performance of the night with a monologue seemingly straight from Shakespeare’s pen.

Writer Shawn Pfautsch tries to tackle the large topics of reality and theatre, love and hate, and peace and war. He does this using a true story portrayed like a Shakespearean play. He obviously hopes this tactic combined with the dramatic material and shockingly gruesome fights will make the play stick in the minds of watchers. The myriad of dramatic techniques force the audience to continue to think about Hatfield and McCoy after they leave.

If the stunned silence before an uproarious standing ovation is any indication, he has overwhelmingly succeeded.

Hatfield and McCoy is being performed by The House Theatre of Chicago at Viaduct Theatre. The show closes November 4, 2006 and runs Thurs.-Sat. at 8p.m. and Sun. at 7 p.m. Tickets are $10-$22.