Photo by Julie Beck / North by Northwestern.

Fifty one thousand, seven hundred and twenty dollars. Add up the tuition, room and board, books and supplies, and personal expenses, and that’s what Northwestern expects the average student to pay this year. Ranked the 39th most expensive college in the country by BusinessWeek, students and parents are looking at their empty pocketbooks and the sinking economy and asking: Are we getting what we pay for?

Perhaps the first question should be: What are we getting? A 12’’-by-14’’ dorm-room double with an almost-comfortable mattress and a too-small closet costs $6,219. While $4,373 buys you 13 meals a week for the school year – many of which often amount to a $10 dinner consisting of pasta with tomato sauce and chocolate-chip cookie-dough ice cream for dessert. $36,756 for a year full of distros that you wouldn’t even rate a “2″ on your CTECs.

For close to the same price as one year at Northwestern, you could buy a BMW Z4 M Coupe, or a four-bed, one-bath single family home in Aurora, Ill. Or you could get two of the most expensive wedding bands at Tiffany & Co. or 8,144 Chipotle burritos.

From the outside it may seem like the life of a Northwestern student isn’t worth the big bucks. We may have multiple gyms, but it’s still impossible to find an open elliptical at Blomquist or SPAC. We may have 3,125 professors but every student can think of at least one class that didn’t seem worth the effort spent waking up for lecture. And burritos at Plex don’t have anything on Chipotle.

But the equation isn’t that simple. According to the Office of Budget Planning, Analysis and Allocation Web site, of the $1.37 billion total operating expenses in the 2008 fiscal year, only $223.6 million of that went to “services and professional fees.” The category includes everything from postage and insurance to theatrical productions and the other things – other than the physical buildings – that students encounter every day and that many use to judge the quality of life on campus. gWhile students focus on options at the dining hall and dorm room floor space, the Northwestern is concerned with funding things like financial aid, teacher salaries, research and heating costs.

It’s the latter set that helps Northwestern stay at the top of the rankings pack: Northwestern is the 12th best university in the country according to a U.S. News and World Report and 33rd in the world based on the Times Higher Education-QS World University Rankings. The quality of the professors coming in and research coming out of Northwestern attract the best and the brightest, and NU’s need-blind admissions and financial aid programs allow them to attend and further the university’s reputation.

In fact, as high as tuition seems, it doesn’t reflect the true cost of a Northwestern education. “Even for a student who is not on any form of financial aid and paying full tuition and room and board, a Northwestern education is still being discounted,” says William Banis, Vice President of Student Affairs. “We’re underwriting the cost of education by using the endowment.”

James Hurley, Associate Vice President of the Office of Budget Planning estimates that Northwestern students only pay one-third to one-half of the real cost. “$70 to $80 thousand would be the true cost if it weren’t subsidized by other revenues,” he says.

Still, shelling out tens of thousands a year can make one wonder exactly where, how and why Northwestern spends its money, and the answer isn’t so easy to decode. While financial reports dating back through the decade are available online, they’re not easy for non-economics majors to understand and they’re definitely not written to answer questions students would have about the particulars of the services they’re getting.

Many of the numbers are so hard to gather, not even Banis knows the details of where Northwestern’s money is spent. So why all the secrecy? “Because we can,” Banis says. As a private institution, Northwestern is free from laws requiring public disclosure of financial information. When asked about the level of transparency in spending, Senior Vice President of Business and Finance Eugene Sunshine said in an e-mail: “Much info is made available to students when there is a useful purpose the students have in mind.”

Well, at least the students are in mind.

As well they should be. Tuition is Northwestern’s biggest moneymaker. the 15,631 full-time graduates and undergraduates in the 2007 – 2008 school year all paid full tuition, Northwestern would net $574,533,036. But it’s not so simple. As far as graduate students go, each school charges its own fees based on the program. Music students pay the general $12,252 every quarter, plus a “continuation course tuition” with prices varying between an extra $301 to $4,084 per course per quarter. Grad students at the School of Communication only chip in $10,610 per quarter – unless you’re going for your doctorate in audiology. Those lucky ducks only pay $9,191.

Then there’s financial aid to consider. Maintaining a robust financial aid program and need-blind admissions is the university’s top priority, according to Sunshine. “We don’t want to become a place where only those who can afford full tuition can come here,” he says. Technically, the university covers “institutional aid,” that is, the difference between how much it costs to go to NU (that’s that $51,720 number), and how much your family is able to contribute as determined by the friendly people reading your FAFSA form. In 2008, Northwestern awarded $222 million in financial aid.

In fact, of the university’s $1.52 billion total operating revenue in 2008, only $433.7 million came from tuition and fees after scholarships, fellowships and financial aid were deducted – a paltry 28.4 percent of the total. The rest came from grants and contracts, investment returns, sales and services, endowment distribution, gifts and other sources.

In 2007, the discovery and sale of the prescription pain relief drug Lyrica added to Northwestern’s financial comfort. At the end of the year, the university sold a portion of the royalties for $700 million in cash. This money was added to the endowment and delegated to fund such things as financial aid, research startup costs and building construction on campus.

But most of the expenses are for personnel. “We’re a very people-intense place,” Sunshine says. “Think about it. All the faculty, all the staff – they all get salaries and benefits.” In 2008, salaries took up the biggest chunk of the expenses pie, costing a whopping $616.6 million, nearly half the total operating expenses. But “people” costs comprise more than just the professors and administrators. Janitors, dining hall workers, those guys who plow the sidewalks and even students with on campus jobs receive paychecks from Northwestern.

Most budgetary decisions related to academics are made by the deans of the individual schools. There are some parameters, Sunshine says. If the university sets a standard pay-raise of three percent, the deans will follow along. But each school is given the authority to spend its money as it sees fit.

Sunshine admits that a lot of the spending choices have to do with maintaining Northwestern’s prestige. It’s a positive feedback system. In order to attract quality professors you need smart students and research opportunities. To attract its share of the smart students, Northwestern has to out-compete the Ivys and pseudo-Ivys like Duke, Washington University at St. Louis and University of Chicago. “We do it because other places do it and if we want to stay a great university we have to do it,” he says. “If you want the best students to come here, you better meet their expectations.”

So Northwestern has taken steps to improve campus and academic life over the years. Sunshine, an NU class of 1971 alum, has noticed the changes since he was an undergrad. Back when he was a student, Patten was the only gym, and there was no student union. The new library was still under construction, as was the Lakefill. There was no study abroad office. And don’t even think about vegetarian options at every dining hall meal. Academically, things have changed too. As students have expressed more interest in pursuing research projects, Northwestern has worked to open more opportunities.

In fact, research takes the next-biggest chunk of the pie. Research conducted both by professors and by graduate students is mostly funded by grants obtained by the people conducting the studies. “A portion of the research we do is funded by outside sources, but it never covers it all,” Sunshine says. That leaves Northwestern to pick the slack where the grants don’t cover costs for things like equipment, portions of salaries and space in which to conduct the research.

The majority of the university’s expenses are fixed from year to year. “There’s not a lot of flexibility and freedom to make massive changes in funding over time,” Banis says. “So the changes come on the margins.”

That’s not say things are stagnant. The Medill School of Journalism has undergone major changes in its curriculum in the last three years – and those changes cost money. “The biggest thing the school does is teach,” Medill Dean John Lavine says. “When you design the curriculum you’re making decisions about the budget. We’re not going to have one class in multimedia, we’re going to have three. So you need more money, more faculty, more equipment.”

The university administration does solicit student feedback and help on adjusting the overall budget each year. Sets of committees in the office of student affairs and the athletic office advise the University Budget Planning Committee who makes the final recommendations to the Board of Trustees, who officially sign off on the budget. The student affairs committees meet with the Board four times each year – the undergraduate student committee three times, and the graduate and professional students committee once. They also looks at surveys taken from other peer universities as well as an online survey of Northwestern students conducted each January about opinions on things such as food and housing.

The Office of Student Affairs meets with the Undergraduate Budget Priorities Committee, made up of student leaders and elected delegates from large groups on campus including ASG, Dance Marathon, PanHel and Arts Alliance, twice a quarter to discuss issues and student requests for services. “I didn’t just want to be lobbied by ASG,” Banis says. “I wanted to have a broader fill of student activities and student organizations.”

At these informal meetings, often over dinner, students have proposed everything from extended library hours to the addition of a rock-climbing wall at SPAC. They don’t get everything they want, but in recent years these meetings have resulted in more equipment for Blomquist, Saturday shuttles to downtown Chicago and the Norris first floor renovation.

Still, Banis admits that the student affairs budget used to pay for projects like these is only a small percentage of the university’s total budget and it has to cover expenses that the students don’t lobby for, like installing sprinkling systems in all the residential halls. “That’s not something that contributes to student life,” Banis says. “It’s opaque, not something students appreciate. But it’s the right thing to do.”

Despite the steady income, Northwestern isn’t immune to the economy. Administrators have troubleshot their options to compensate for the faltering markets. As incomes stagnate and decrease, Northwestern will have to shell out more money to be able to maintain need-blind admissions and annual increases in tuition will be less in coming years. And that money will necessitate cuts elsewhere. Sunshine expects that teacher salaries won’t rise as much as they’d hoped pre-crisis. Banis emphasized smaller changes – from moving print publications online to expanding the Green Cup to conserve energy.

So back to the original question: is the money worth it? Northwestern may not make the Princeton Review’s list for “Best Campus Food” or “Dorms Like Palaces,” but after graduation, when the nights full of keg stands followed by one-night stands fade away and mortgages and car payments are looming the future, “Bachelor’s Degree – Northwestern University” will look pretty golden at the top of a resume, no matter how crappy and overpriced the dining hall coffee was.

School is over, and that means one thing: Time to work on your career. Because everyone knows that if you want to be successful you can never stop. You have to work. You have to get that great internship – who cares if you’re getting paid for it? It’s about the experience and that little new line you can put on your resume about how you interned with so-and-so and worked 60-hour weeks and how you are positively the best damned person for the job and you’re light years ahead of all those losers who decided to “relax” this summer. Rest is for the weak. This summer, you’re like obnoxious over-achievers: killing yourself. For nothing. Just think about that a moment.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Then there are those of you that decided to take the opposite route. You’ve been working for nine months, dammit, and this is your well-earned break. Sit back, relax, watch Charm School with the Flavor of Love girls, get a tan, and hang out with your friends … who all have jobs. This summer, you’re like all the slackers out there: tan, but lonely with only the likes of Mo’Nique to comfort you.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

After spending the last nine months wasting money like it grows on trees (since $45,000 for an education is practically peanuts), it’s time to get a little something back. Yes, you will foray into the wilds of the service industry, selling your soul making no-whip-non-fat-mocha-frappicinos for $6.00 an hour. This is what your time in higher education has got you: minimum wage and debt. This summer, you’re like the desperate baristas at Starbucks: poor, overworked and constantly reminding yourself that this is the exact reason you’re getting a college education – so you’ll never have to hear “I said skim!” ever again.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

The agony is about to end. Instead of fielding drunk dials from your friends from home on booze-day Tuesdays, you’ll finally get to join in! No more papers, no more books, and plenty of money from selling them back to buy a case of PBR and join in the fun. Except if you don’t get a phone call. And why would they all call you? They’ve been partying for a month and a half just fine without you thank you very much and they don’t need your raucous ass cramping their style. This summer, you’re like all victims of the quarter system: forgotten.

Leo (July 23- August 22)

Remember all those things you loved so much about high school? Curfews. Phoning home to let your parents know that you left dinner and are now going to a movie. Sneaking in and out at 4 a.m. through the guest room window that doesn’t lock. Voraciously sucking on lifesavers and hoping that your parents can’t smell the cigarette smoke in your clothes? Yeah. It’s all coming back. This summer, you’re like all the college rebels who return to their permanent addresses: constrained and sober.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

There is one thing you’ll miss more this summer than anything. No, it’s not the friends you have grown to know and love over the last year. No, it’s not the city of Chicago at your fingertips. And it’s definitely not the food. Come on, it’s the booze. It’s those glorious hours you spent chugging screwdrivers and the hours you can’t remember afterwards. And now that you’re home, drunkenness proves more challenging. You have to find a new source. You need to find a place to do it. And you have to avoid your parents. This summer, you’re like every good college student: an alcoholic in withdrawal.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Try this on your ‘rents. “Hey Mom and Dad, I really want to study more about the world we live in, but I really can’t miss any of the parties *ahem* classes they offer at Northwestern. I think it would be really good to study abroad this summer.” They’ll love it. And you’ll have successfully found a way into a country that will let you drink legally before you’re 21, all on your parent’s credit card! This summer: Exploit the system, and unlike unfortunate Virgo, get as drunk as possible.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You know what college is about. Getting out, exploring different interests and having new experiences. It’s a voyage of self-discovery, where you can leave your high school self behind and become a completely different person, and really figure out what you want to do with yourself. That is, until summer hits, and you can’t resist using your dad’s connections in city council to get that job at the civic center. This summer, you’re like every successful Northwestern student: reverting back to your old ways and calling mommy if the going gets too rough.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

So. You don’t want to deal with your crazy parents and crazy high school friends. For some unknown reason you have developed a little attachment to the flatness of Evanston and that view of Chicago from the lakefill. You know what the only option is for summer: Stay here! Pretend you don’t have a hometown and stick around. Because deep down you wish you too could be an Evanston townie. This summer you’re a wannabe townie, but you’re living in a fantasy world. Snap out of it and go home.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You know what is the best idea for your last few free summers ever? After nine months of relentless studying and paper-writing and all-nighters to finish that Spanish presentation, there is only one thing left to do: Take more classes over the summer. This summer, you’re a loser. Make friends, dork.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The best thing about college is the sex. Gone forever are the days when you have to schedule your libido around your parents’ work schedule or deal with having a gear shift jammed into your back when you’re trying to get a little action. (No matter what you say, it’s not sexy. It’s just uncomfortable.) At school, your significant other is around all the time, maybe even living down the hallway in a lovely single room. Until summer, when you are relegated to your hometown all by your lonesome and without the chance for a raunchy lovefest. This summer, you’re like the poor people getting their first taste of a long distance relationship: unsatisfied and alone.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Please. You know the only reason you went to college in the frigid nether-regions of Illinois was to bury your body under 7 layers of sweaters until Memorial Day. Time to go back into the real world, where people will see your body and judge you for it. Sorry. Hazard of the season. This summer, you’re like that really skinny kid who gained the freshman 15 and then some: justifiably self-conscious.

Wrong. As much fun as it is to get so smashed you don’t even remember having fun, there’s plenty more to do outside the small confines of our dear university’s halls. And no, I’m not talking about wandering into Evanston.

We live in Chicago, people! (Well, close enough). This is a city the size of Manhattan, and we’re lucky enough to be within shooting distance of the Red Line and all its luxuries from two baseball stadiums, the Mag Mile, Chinatown and one of my favorite neighborhoods: Belmont.

Ok, for all you squeamish straight guys (I know you’re out there), yes, it is very close to Boys Town. Yes, that means there are a lot of gays, and that if you walk too far down Belmont Ave., you will see giant rainbow sculptures protruding out the sidewalk. But Belmont is a neighborhood for everyone.

There is shopping for everyone, with odd novelty stores selling books of Bush quotes, posters for every stereotypical college dorm room (COLLEGE anyone?), and those shot glasses and bumper stickers ripe with witticisms such as “One tequila, Two tequila, Three tequila, Floor.”

If inane souvenirs aren’t your thing, I guarantee that you’ll find something you’ll like at one of Belmont’s numerous sex shops. Taboo Tabou and Egor’s Dungeon flank a corner, offering everything the sexually obsessed college student could ask for, from crazy flavored lubes to edible underwear, to BDSM accessories. For the more sophisticated shopper, a short walk will take you to Tulip, a sex store designed for women. Tulip guarantees satisfaction, since all employees are required to try out every product. Yes, that includes every dildo.

There are restaurants all over the neighborhood, but check out Standard Indian Restaurant. Despite it’s assuming appearance, it’s Zagat-rated. The buffet style lets you try a bunch of different Indian dishes, all of which are great. Pay special attention to the things that look like overgrown hush puppies. They’re to die for.

So, next time you’re wondering what to do to maximize your play time, stray a little farther afield. There is more to Northwestern than Evanston. Take advantage of it.

Boy: Hey baby, what you doing tomorrow night?
Girl: OMG honey! I have so much to do! I have a meeting for that philanthropy thing I’m doing next weekend, and then I have to make flashcards for 128 words for my Spanish vocab test tomorrow, and then I’m spending the rest of the night in the library to start my research paper. What about the day after tomorrow?
Boy: I don’t know. I have rehearsal until 10, and then I’m going to a study group for my midterm on Friday and I have to find some time to go into town and buy a birthday present for my sister and mail it.

The most important part of any relationship is spending time together. Unfortunately, it’s also one of the most difficult. As a university full of over-involved over-achievers, making time for a boyfriend or girlfriend sometimes falls by the wayside. But if it falls too far, your relationship could follow.

There are plenty of ways to spend time together without going out on a dramtically romantic date. And, yes, even small things can be dates, if you put in a little effort and adjust your attitudes.

You and your S.O. may not participate in the same activities (if you’re spending hours with your sorority and he’s at rehearsals for four hours a night, there’s not much way you can spend time together). There is no romance in that, but add a little wine and cheese (or chips and salsa if you’re on the cheap side) when you two are together to class it up. Added bonus: If, like most college students, your bed doubles as your sofa, it’s not too hard to take a more-stimulating study break if the reading gets a little boring.

One of the best things to do as a couple is work out. Everyone needs to exercise, and having a buddy can motivate you to go to the gym. More importantly, excercising releases endorphins, same as foreplay, so when you get back you have the perfect excuse to take a shower…together.

Not all nights have to be filled with work. Find a TV show you both like and block out the time and space to see it together. If you’re not into TV, try picking one night a week for a movie night to watch all the Oscar films and chick flicks (ok, just kidding) you missed. Get together, then turn out the lights and make out through the boring parts.

As great as the fireworks, man-I’m-definitely-getting-laid-tonight dates are, sometimes they’re hard to squeeze in. Besides, keeping a relationship happy is about the little things. Once you get into an in-dating routine, it’ll make the nights out even better.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You look left. You look right. The coast seems clear. In one spastic leap you dash across Sheridan Road, barely avoiding the red Land Cruiser that just came out of nowhere. This may be the most daring thing you’ve done all year. You just had a near-death experience. You’re edgy now. This week, be the daredevil that you were meant to be: tame, and more likely to land a guest spot on the Disney Channel than Spike TV.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

If high school is good for one thing, it’s evoking nostalgia. Remember all those football games you lost? That time at field day when Mr. Makes-You-Run-Laps-Even-If-You-Have-Asthma went in the dunk tank? Remember the snooty bitch who won homecoming queen? Yes, the high school yearbook’s the gold mine of better-forgotten memories that convince yourself you weren’t the loser who spent lunch in the library. But now? With your infinite knowledge gained at higher education you know not only that high school was lame, but that commemorating college in 300 pages is even lamer. This week you’re like a college yearbook: irrelevant.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Mother’s Day. Arguably the most important and annoying holiday on the calendar, made even worse when you’re away from home. Because you know that if your mom doesn’t get that cute card with the kittens and inspirational Eleanor Roosevelt quote on it by Sunday you’re done for. And you don’t even have an obliging family around you to split gifts with. But I mean, hey, you can always decorate a cheap frame at ARTica for her. Because that wasn’t done already in the second grade. This week you’re like your mother: disappointed and surrounded by people ungrateful for your sacrifices for them.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

What better way to get a bunch of couch potato nerds out into the fresh air than to sponsor a trip to a baseball game! It’s the national pastime. And, inexplicably, the Cubs are a well-loved team. Besides, you’ll get a free t-shirt! This just proves an age-old adage: People will do anything for free shirts. This week, be like Northwestern: Use your knowledge of the deep, inner workings of the minds of twenty-somethings to your advantage. They’re just waiting to be exploited.

Leo (July 23- August 22)

This week is an indie kid’s dream come true: Wilco is coming to Northwestern. Now, the rest of the population isn’t quite sure who Wilco is, but if they’re a little more educated than the average Jay-Z-listening meathead, they might realize that they should know Wilco. Or at least recognize Wilco. But hell! You don’t care who’s playing. Ten dollar concert tickets for a semi-famous band? Sure! This week you’re like all true hipsters: bitter and snobby.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Boomshaka is at it again. Those crazy girls want you to come watch them snap their hips dramatically as their male counterparts bang on trashcans with superb skills. Because it’s oh-so-difficult to hit trashcans. It’s an art form, really. Please, people: Buy a drum set. You’re not Stomp. This week: Take an extremely lucrative production and copy it. Because not only is imitation the sincerest form of flattery, but it’s also the surest way to ensure success.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

There is only one thing more philanthropic than going to a nursing home and playing bingo with an elderly drooler: working with Special Olympics. Really, let’s find the most marginalized people in America and spend whole days with them, coaching sports and watching them achieve things no one knew they were capable of. Touching, huh? This week, you’re like all the rest of the people who don’t help the mentally disabled: selfish and guilty. It’s a surefire combo.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

The season has begun — fundraiser season. It’s that time of the quarter when every Greek organization on campus decides that they’re about more than keg stands and circle of death, and try to give back to the community. With your help, of course… not. Because everyone knows that the only people who have to show up to Greek philanthropy events are sorority girls and frat guys, letting everyone else sleep in on Saturday. This week you’re a Greek fundraiser: You cost more than you’re worth.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Northwestern is hosting NCAA tennis? Somebody in their right mind decided that if there’s any school in the Big Ten that’s qualified to host a tournament, it’s Northwestern? Really? Didn’t someone remind them that there are more than 40 performance groups funded by ASG? This week you’re NU sports: You’re getting more attention than you deserve.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Mayfest is full of good things, right? The organizational kids (God bless their souls) have brought Ben Folds and now Cake to Northwestern. And they find plenty of ways to fundraise, making sure that we really do pay for all the things we do… just with a few drinks on the side. But 80s trivia night? Okay, so the 80s have been trendy for years. But think about the people at this university. The oldest of us were five years old when the 80s ended. Five. This week you’re like those 80s trivia buffs at the 1800 Club: out of touch and in desperate need to get out more. Please do so.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Welcome to blockbuster season. It’s that time of year again when Hollywood starts to pump out all the potential mega-hits that cost more than $200 million to film, but are guaranteed to make twice that off chumps who just can’t seem to get enough of bad writing and computer graphics. No ideas for a good family action film? Just do what Hollywood did this year: break out the triquels. Sequels of such schlock like Spider-Man and Shrek aren’t enough for America’s moviegoers. No, it’s time to drag out the same characters and stories yet again to bring in the big bucks. This week you’re just another excuse for an explosion. Take that as you will.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You know what the best thing is about sunny, warm weather? The beach. You know where you find beaches? On coasts. You know what makes them beaches? Oceans. Except in Illinois, who refuses to be left out of beach season. This week you’re like a beach in a land-locked state: an appreciated anomaly.

Every good boyfriend knows you have to shell out the green to get some. No, I’m not advocating prostitution (but hey, however you pay Northwestern’s tuition is your business), but let’s be honest. As fun as dinner dates to Norris are, sometimes a girl needs a little more.
We know you’re a poor college student, trust us, we are too. We know a night out on the town usually involves Chipotle and popcorn at Century Theaters if you’re feeling a little loose with your cash.

But you don’t even have to go far. Evanston calls itself the dining capital of the north side, and there are plenty of great places in town whose prices show you care.

La Petite Amelia (618 Church St.) is a great place for anyone with a little dough to spend or a little indiscretion to make up for. The little French restaurant next to Whole Foods is admittedly a little pricey (The Chicago Sun-Times estimates dinner for two at $57, though I once paid over $100), but the food is definitely worth it.

It’s French and classy, so the portions are small and you’re meant to have multiple courses to really fill your belly. Be prepared for an extended dinner, upwards of an hour and a half. Added bonus: There’s more time to talk to your significant other, which can be hard to find time for with a demanding schedule.

La Petite Amelia is known for their flatbread pizza appetizers. This isn’t your traditional Papa John’s fare. But part of dating is experiencing new things together. So try something out of your comfort zone. Toppings include duck and spinach. And the cheese plate is a must. It’s a French restaurant, and what is more French than cheese?

The atmosphere is soft and comfortable. It’s not a sultry, low-lighting establishment, but a sweet, romantic ambiance. Perfect for an anniversary dinner.

So boys, next time you’re in the doghouse, or just want to let your girlfriend know she’s the light of your life (which is the real reason, right guys?) check out these places close to home. I promise, later that night you won’t regret it.

The attacks directly touched relatively few people outside Virginia, yet many college students probably felt deeply affected. As more and more information about shooter Seung-Hui Cho was released into the media, the world learned about the quiet English major who kept to himself, was socially isolated, unsuspecting and undetectable. Who knew where the next Cho could be lurking? At a place like Northwestern, with such high pressure for achievement, what are the chances that a Cho could emerge from the crowd?

“The kinds of violence perpetrated by Mr. Cho are so rare that they are virtually impossible to predict with any kind of scientific accuracy,” said Rick Zinbarg, associate professor of psychology. “Pick any other rare behavior, including positive rare behavior, and by virtue of their rareness they are extremely difficult to predict.”

Any screening process for students to identify mentally unstable people would create more problems than benefits because of its lack of accuracy, Zinbarg said. It is impossible to design a screening that is 100 percent accurate, because even if a test is 99 percent effective at finding potential threats, it would identify 70 undergraduates of the roughly 7,000 undergraduates at Northwestern as “the next Cho,” he said.

“Yes, they write disturbing poetry,” Zinbarg said. “But they’re not going to kill anyone. Maybe their poetry will even go on the win the Pulitzer Prize.”

Developing a screening system itself is a hard task, Zinbarg said.

“There’s no diagnosis in the current diagnostic system that a symptom is shooting other people,” Zinbarg said.

Counseling and Psychological Services has developed some programs to help identify people who could be a danger to themselves or others, CAPS Director John Dunkle said. CAPS works with third parties to help reach students who aren’t comfortable with going to a psychologist on their own.

“We spend a lot of time doing gatekeeper training. We do orientation for CAs and we have a liaison system with residential halls,” Dunkle said. “We cannot reach every student on this campus. It’s impossible. But we can reach the gatekeeper people.”

CAPS has also created alternative programming to give more people access to their services. The Developmental Programming Workshops offer clinics about common issues that college students face, like relationship problems, eating disorders and stress for students worried about the stigma of seeing a professional therapist.

Dunkle said that safety is the primary concern at CAPS. Psychologists ask clients if they have thought about hurting themselves or someone else at every assessment. But no system is foolproof, he said.

“We don’t have crystal balls,” Dunkle said. “We can’t read minds, contrary to people’s misconceptions.”

Even if a student is identified as a threat, there isn’t much the law allows mental health professionals to do, Dunkle said, because a psychologist can only involuntarily commit someone into a hospital when they say they will commit violence against themselves or another person. Other than that, CAPS can only provide counseling and in-office treatment.

The university has more leeway in handling potentially dangerous students, said Mary Desler, vice president and dean of Student Affairs. Officials can seek people out, call in the parents or even send students home if they decide that is the best course of action for the safety of the student and the people around him or her.

“We deal with them in a caring, sensitive, quiet way,” Desler said. “We don’t send the police in with guns a-blazing to drag them off in the paddy wagon.”

Desler said she talks with CAPS every day about students’ mental health. The two offices work together on the psychological and behavioral issues to make a plan of action for helping the students. However, she made it clear that mental illness and violence are not always related.

“One of the negative effects of the Virginia Tech murders is that everyone thinks anyone dealing with mental health issues is going to shoot 32 people,” she said. “[Likewise] every time you see someone being disruptive it doesn’t mean they’re mentally ill.”

Zinbarg also said he was reluctant to attribute Cho’s violence to mental illness. While he admitted there was a strong possibility, he said that no one could really know what was going on in Cho’s head.

“It sounds like there was some depression,” Zinbarg said. “It depends on whether he had psychopathology at all. It wouldn’t surprise me, but I certainly wouldn’t say everyone who commits mass murder has psychopathology.”

In the meantime, the university is trying doing what it has always done: keep everyone safe they best way they know how. Desler and Dunkle said they focus on finding students who are having problems, and on providing opportunities for them to get help. Desler sends e-mails, makes phone calls and has even been known to show up at someone’s class to get in touch with troubled students. A few years ago, she said she went to a student’s apartment to gather his things to take him to the hospital.

“I felt a little weird going through his drawers and the pile of clothes in the corner,” she said. “I don’t think people realize we care a little bit.”

So what is the likelihood that the next Cho is sitting across the table from you at the dining hall? Slim to none, Zinbarg said.

“That there are one in 7,000 real Chos, that’s a gross overstatement,” Zinbarg said. “It’s probably one in one million. People need to run the numbers for themselves.”

It’s getting to be that time of the quarter again. When that “work hard, play hard” attitude is catching up with you. When you no longer swear you’ll catch up on all that reading, because, hell, you already failed the midterm last week. So what better way to cheer you up about Diversity of Life or Intro to Stats than to find new ways to waste your parents’ money? That’s right, there’s only one thing better than sleeping through a class this quarter: picking the classes you’re going to sleep through next quarter. This week, convince yourself you’re planning the best fall ever: Denial is good.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Blue skies. Fluffy white clouds. Sunshine so bright compared to February’s you could say it sparkles. And there’s that pair of shorts sitting in your closet. Next to that bathing suit. And, you have, you know, reading to do. And the beach is so pretty … except, wait. It’s still cold. Because 60 degrees and windy isn’t tanning weather. Be prepared to stay pasty a little while longer. This week, you’re like Chicago: tragically deceptive.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

If there’s one thing the theater department excels at, it’s attracting the elderly crowd. Whether it’s a traditional Shakespeare, or the racy Cloud Nine, one thing is for sure: Old people will make up at least half the audience. So, what’s more enjoyable for Evanston’s senior citizens than a musical revue? Waa-Mu: A time to harken back to the mindless drivel of the Fred Astaire era. But The Club? What club? We’re looking for geriatric, not generic. This week pull a Waa-Mu: Try to attract a younger crowd by being hopelessly out of touch.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

There is one surefire way to make yourself feel like a good person with minimal effort: Give blood. Really, all you have to do is show up, sit there, hold out your arm and try not to look. And if it gets you a little lightheaded, never fear! Northwestern can’t have you passing out at Norris, so please take your free Jamba Juice and be on your merry, philanthropic way. Because all smart people know that only chumps give something for nothing. But trading bodily fluids for energy-boosted smoothies is more than a fair trade. This week: Take it easy, save a life.

Leo (July 23- August 22)

You’re just not cutting it. Give up. The drop date is Friday. Just saying.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Okay, so you’ve already heard that a cappella is overrated. You’ve gone to A Cappella Fest and marveled at the ability of white kids to beat box. You’ve walked across enough flyers with obscenely long names making references to things 80 percent of the student body doesn’t recognize. Enough is enough. This week make your own obscure references. Sing pop ballads alongside faux-indie tunes. Be like an a cappella group: mildly entertaining until someone sees a butterfly.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

If there’s one thing college kids love more than anything, it sure is that alcohol. So how do you get these thirsty kids to participate in the university community? Why send them to bar nights of course! Because there’s nothing college kids love more than getting drunk for a reason. But what about the two-thirds of the university too young to get into these classy establishments? This week: You’re not worthwhile. Unless you’ve got a fake. Sorry.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If A&O does one thing right, it’s pick out movies. You can see The Departed, Little Children and Casino Royale only four or five months late! You can gorge yourself on Academy-worthy flicks every weekend. The real question: Why the disparity in admission fees? Why is Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest a whole three dollars when the Oscar-winning The Last King of Scotland is relegated to a free screening in Harris? Quality doesn’t matter much anymore in this crazy world. This week you’re like Forest Whitaker: cool enough to win an Oscar, but not quite cool enough to charge admission.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

If there’s one thing the jocks of the world need it’s another reason to feel like they’re better than everyone else. What better way for a jock to give back than to run for charity? 5K races. What about the nerds? The un-athletic? The people who chose to read books instead of flexing their pecs? Don’t they get to give back too? This week you’re like a 5K race: holding the little man down.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Everyone loves a scandal. Even more than that, everyone loves a high-brow scandal. Martha Stewart cheating Wall Street. Winona Rider getting in touch with her inner klepto. Paris Hilton flashing her nips all over the tabloids. But the women’s lacrosse team wearing flip-flops? And two years later having “fans in flip-flops day” to commemorate it? This week: Get over yourself. It was stupid then, and it’s stupid now.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

This week it’s time to celebrate the fourth anniversary of the end of the Iraq war. Oh wait. Instead, follow the latest drama as newly puffed-up Democrats throw a temper tantrum to get what they want. And who cares if they’ll actually change anything. This is politics after all. This week you’re the Democratic Party: making a statement, but still inept.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

It’s May. And everyone knows what that means: Cinco de Mayo. The single best excuse to drink tequila ever invented. And if your love for those south of the border extends a little further than a love for anything alcoholic that requires a lime, you can really show your support by marching for immigrants’ rights. Because, really, it’s a personal issue. At Northwestern. Where the student body is 70% white. This week: Pretend you’re ethnic. It’s trendy.

• Aries (March 21 – April 19) If there is one day of the year every pubescent rebel awaits with bated breath, it’s 4/20. That magical day when it’s acceptable to take your first step down the long, slippery slope to a heroin addiction and an untimely death. The day that every nerdy bookworm in college tries to prove that they’re not just some loser who spends his nights and weekends poring over research in the Core. But as much as you smoke and choke, you can’t seem to get that buzz. This week will be like your first high: nothing.
• Taurus (April 20 – May 20) So if there’s one thing every victim of the quarter system dreads it’s the end of April. Damn those drunk dials from those state school kids who just finished a game of Edward 40 Hands to celebrate the summer (because we all know summer starts in April). You dread those minutes of payback from the 1 a.m. New Student Week voicemails you left from the Keg reminding them of how cool your life was. This week: Feel the wrath of sweet, sweet revenge.
• Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Go on a reality TV show, preferably one that is in its 8th or 10th season, and lost all but its trashy fans four years ago. Then win the whole show and walk away with your millions of dollars (most of which will end up in the hands of the IRS). Then come home and realize that no one really watches your show anymore, and Playboy doesn’t want you to pose for the centerfold. And when a fraternity asks you if you’ll come talk about your awesome experiences to a bunch of college kids with IQs higher than your SAT scores, say yes. This week you’re Yul Kwon.
• Cancer (June 21-July 22) So it’s hard to argue against globalization. When someone speaks to you in Spanish you’d best answer in it. The Internet makes its possible to have a free conversation from Chicago to Belize. And everything you own was made in Taiwan. It’s time to jump on the bandwagon. This week you’re like all of Northwestern’s classes and lectures on Turkey: an odd expression of an international trend. And not very interesting.
• Leo (July 23- August 22) “April showers bring May flowers,” or so the saying goes. Basically, you’re supposed to tolerate the hideousness of spring in April, more closely resembling a bastardized form of winter with its overcast skies, damp grounds, and endless precipitation. But fear not, its all on the up and up pushing forward to the beauty this is May. Except in Chicago, where the weather more closely resembles a frustrating crush, giving you a little hope that you’ll get laid, only to revert to its old ways of leaving you in 40 degree weather. This week: Be a cocktease.
• Virgo (August 23 – September 22) Your parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles will all give you this one piece of advice about college: study abroad, because it will change your life. For some, the sub-zero temperatures and buildings designed to look like vaginas are foreign enough. But others need to drink the beers of the world in the country where they’re brewed. You too can drink Guinness in Ireland, as long as you follow a few simple procedures: mandatory meetings, tedious applications, and a pre-departure prep that last three hours. This week is like a study abroad meeting: long and pointless.
• Libra (September 23 – October 22) This is America. If we want to be fat, we’ll super-size our Biggie meal and have a Quad Stacker on the side. But if there is one guilty pleasure that surpasses all others, it’s every inner fat kid’s craving for ground beef, cheese, refried beans, guacamole and sour cream all wrapped up in a flour tortilla. The burrito (or taco, or enchilada, or gordita) is the greatest gift from across the border. But only at lunchtime. All Mexican cravings must be postponed until between 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. when Norris is willing to fulfill your needs. This week: Go to the gym.
• Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) All college students wait for the glorious day when those little red warnings on your driver’s license free you from your underage constraints. You are 21. You can go to a bar. You can buy a drink without having to flash a middle-aged man at the next table. Until then, you live at the mercy of Northwestern parties. Fundraiser parties are the biggest scam since Nixon was in the White House. Five dollars for a keg of PBR and jungle juice that turns your teeth red? This week: Prepare to be screwed.
• Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Tour groups can be identified from blocks away: a mass of people swarming around a tiny person wearing a North Face fleece and carrying a Northwestern umbrella. They swarm, barricading students from the Rock, blocking the line at Sbarro and listening intently to a litany of useless facts about the history of Kresge. Nervous parents giving furtive looks to students with blue hair and tattoos. This week fulfill your dreams: Fuck with the prospies.
• Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) Northwestern is not an athletic university. Its performance in football, basketball and every other sport is abysmal at best. Unless it’s women’s lacrosse, who, despite being the best in the NCAA, still can’t draw a crowd of nerds and dorks to come watch them. Not unless there’s free Chipotle at the end of the rainbow. Leave it to Northwestern to employ the oldest and surest of methods to get what it wants: bribery. This week: persevere and you too will be bought off.
• Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) The Student Activities Fair. One of those rites of passage. All students must wander among tables with poorly drawn posters and cheesy gimmicks and giveaways. So, being the former soccer star, editor of the paper, president of Key Club and the Spanish Honor Society, you sign up for everything. You want to join SEED, ASG, A&O and College Feminists, even if you’re not a girl. Then comes spring, after you’ve realized that the best way to make friends is over the toilet after a keg stand. But you can’t escape your overachiever past. Their listservs are clogging your inbox every day. This week: Beware. They’re coming to get you.
• Pisces (February 19 – March 20) One of the wonders of Chicago, beyond the obvious audacious grandeur of the Sears Tower and the majesty of all the rich people on the Mag Mile, are the Chicago Cubs. They haven’t won a World Series in 99 years. They haven’t even come close since the unfortunate events of 2003 (Too soon? Still?). And yet, they have these die-hard fans who are convinced that the Cubs are the sons of God, the chosen ones, persecuted with failure but bound to triumph at the end of the world. Join the dream. Buy your tickets to watch the incompetence this city so cherishes. This week you’re like the Cubs: undeserving, but loved anyway.
]]> http://www.northbynorthwestern.com/2007/04/3054/snarky-scopes-april-23/feed/ 1 http://www.northbynorthwestern.com/2007/04/2785/sex-company-offers-toys-and-tips-on-how-to-have-more-fun-with-sex/ http://www.northbynorthwestern.com/2007/04/2785/sex-company-offers-toys-and-tips-on-how-to-have-more-fun-with-sex/#comments Thu, 12 Apr 2007 07:39:36 +0000 Emily Vaughan http://www.northbynorthwestern.com/2007/04/2785/sex-company-offers-toys-and-tips-on-how-to-have-more-fun-with-sex/ The logo is pink. They throw parties. You get to try out everything before you buy it. It’s like Mary Kay, but with sex toys. Pure Romance invaded Fisk Hall 217 on Wednesday night with a wide array of massage tools, lubricants, vibrators and cock rings for “Get the Truth Before You Get Naked,” part of Sex Week.

Pure Romance is sponsoring Sex Week, a series of events to educate college students about sex and sexual health put on by the College Feminists. The Ohio-based company sells “relationship enhancement products” and offers sexual health advice.

“It’s for all women,” said Erin Hoschouer, director of health education for Pure Romance. “Every woman has some type of struggle or challenge with her intimacy. It’s not always about sex. It can be questions they’re not comfortable asking in other forums.”

Weinberg sophomore Stella Fayman founded Sex Week this year to address the lack of communication about sex she noticed on campus. The program is modeled after Yale’s Sex Week, commonly considered the most sexually aware campus, Fayman said.

“Even though resources exist at the Health Education Department [at Northwestern], I didn’t even know they were there until I started working on this,” Fayman said.

Communication is a core message in Hoschouer’s education program. She said she’s working to provide alternative ways that women can communicate with their partners and in general about sex and their sexual health.

“I try to get to the root of what makes [people] uncomfortable,” she said. “It’s about empowerment, not just intercourse.”

Hoschouer demonstrated Pure Romance’s products and offered a few helpful tips to improve every part of the sexual experience, from arousal to orgasm:

• Foreplay: Hoschouer recommends massage as a great way to explore different types of arousal and learn more about your partner’s body. “Oh, ah, talk to let them know you enjoy this,” she said. “It’s a really great way to communicate with your partner that’s not sitting over a pizza saying ‘I really like it when you touch me here.’” Another great way to find new sensitive spots is with edible body powder. You can dust your partner with it using a feather, and then lick it off, finding new soft spots along the way.
• Lubricants: “It’s important to know when to use which kind of lubricants,” Hoschoeur said. She says water-based, water-soluble lubes are best for daily use. They’re safe to use with latex condoms, and help with dryness. For special circumstances some oil-based lubricants can be appropriate. Silicone-based lubes are long-lasting since they don’t sink into your skin, and are good for use in showers, hot tubs, and Jacuzzis, Hoschouer says. If you’re looking for something extra-special, warming and flavored lubes can also be fun, but only in moderation. Hoschouer warns that using these lubes every day can turn the lubricants into irritants. Portion control is also key. “Anytime something gets sticky, you’re using too much,” she said.
• Heighteners: If you’re having a little trouble getting in the mood, or want to add a little extra kick to sex life, heighteners might be for you. Heighteners come in a variety of strengths depending on your sensitivity and preference. Some heighteners are more natural, offering a consistent sensation, while other get stronger with more friction. But start slow, as strong heighteners aren’t for everyone. Pure Romance’s X-Scream is not for the faint of heart. “If you don’t need this kind of strong lubricant, it will make you scream your own name,” Hoschouer said.
• Females Toys: Hoschouer recommends starting with a bullet, a small clitoral vibrator. The bullet can also be used elsewhere on your body to find new sensitive spots. Vibrators and dildos come in a variety of shapes and sizes to cater to specific preferences. Many are bent upwards to provide direct stimulation to the G-spot on the front vaginal wall. A vibrator can be an investment, as the price increases as the design gets more complicated. “Based on the handshake, I can tell why it’s so expensive,” said Mugsie Pike, a Communication freshman and recipient of a free vibrator for participating in a demonstration. “It was quiet, and the beads were really small and all over it.”
• Male Toys: Cock rings come in different designs with clitoral and anal stimulators attached to many. These toys with multiple stimulation points are the most popular, Horschouer says. Men can also use male masturbation sleeves, jelly-like toys that can be used either in self-stimulation or during sex to provide a unique sensation.
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