With only 23 days left before the happiest day of the Northwestern year, Mayfest has been mum about which musical acts will be gracing Evanston for Dillo Day 2009. I mean, we have a pretty good idea of at least two of the performers, but Mayfest isn’t spilling the beans just yet. But the group did give a potential clue late Wednesday night via their Twitter (yes, everything has a Twitter) in the form of a video. Let’s watch this clip and try to make some crazy performer predictions based off of it!

What have we learned from this video? Well, someone at Mayfest has Photoshop skills that range from pretty darn good to “when were The Decemberists showered in radioactive material?” Back on topic — not too much learned here. Considering that the majority of the artists featured in the video are either way over Mayfest’s budget or dead (sorry, Tupac conspiracy theorists), we don’t have much to go off of. But did you peep The Decemberists (they were the size of a blimp) and N.E.R.D.? Clearly some of the artists featured have potential to play Dillo Day, or else Mayfest is playing with everyone’s mind by teasing us with what we think we know. So, where to start? Lets look at the artists that really stick out (you know, like The Decemberists and N.E.R.D.) and speculate away.

The two “I don’t think they would ever come, but you never know…” artists in this video are Estelle and Lady Gaga, who both have had mega-popular hit songs but who have only one or two hits. They are red herrings to the max — five years and a Celebrity Apprentice down the line you might see them, but for now they are pipe dreams.

Sorta-kinda-psych rockers MGMT appear late in the video, standing next to Willie the Wildcat. The Chronicle had a word jumble thing from like a month ago that claimed the duo, along with The Decemberists and N.E.R.D., would play Dillo Day. Well, not so fast, because this blog says that rumor has been “smashed.” Who are we going to trust here, anonymous blog or The Chron? Probably neither.

Finally, how about Regina Spektor? She pops up right after The Spice Girls/BK shot, and she definitely fits the bill of “I’m not sure who this is, thank goodness the photo used in this video is also the first one on Google Image Search.” Of all the rumored performers, I think this one has the most chance of actually happening: Students like her, she’s got catchy songs and, most importantly, she has a new album coming out in June that needs some promoting. Yeah, I’ve got nothing to go off of, but why would they include Regina Spektor in this if they weren’t at least entertaining the though of bringing her in?

All right, enough from me. Get to rumor-mongering, people.

Clarification appended

One round of ASG voting just wasn’t enough, apparently. Bill Pulte and Mike McGee ran closely enough to force a run-off vote, scheduled for this Friday. If you were one of the record 4,455 voters who cast a ballot, I’m sure you already have your mind made up (except for the Luke Adams crowd and the 18 of you who voted for Dickie Humps; find a new outlet for your expression). But for everyone else who forgot to vote or could care less about ASG elections (here!) and who suddenly feel spurred to participate in student democracy, who should you vote for? Sure, you could focus on the issues or which candidate’s platform would benefit you most, but BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING.

Thankfully, the two candidates remaining both have faux-rap videos online devoted to them. Forget matters of substance. Which candidate can spit the hottest fire? Well, in this case, neither candidate actually drops any verses, so it comes down to who has the best MC repping them. First up, the rap about Mike McGee:

The “Fresh Prince” beat seems played out at first, but whoever put this together mixed it up, adding a new twist to an old classic. The lyrics focus on positive change, casting McGee as the conscious candidate. Some of the rhymes are whack (”We got a new president, his name is Schapiro / that means change, there’s nothing to fear-o”), but it’s overall a very upbeat number about making Northwestern a better place. But not stupid upbeat, like that will.i.am Obama song. How about the Pulte rap?

OK, you probably figured out Bill Pulte in no way endorses this, especially since it explicitly tells you not to vote for Bill Pulte. Plus, it’s loaded with spelling errors. And that’s probably good, because if he seriously made a parody of the already-a-parody “I’m On A Boat,” he’d lose the valuable Netplay demographic (hey all six of you!). However, this Pulte diss does raise a valid point: was Bill Pulte in anyway involved with the Pike atrocity “Fratstar?” Did he contribute vocals? Did he give it his approval? Did he not just say “seriously guys, cut it out?” If it is revealed that Mr. Pulte is anyway associated with or not physically repulsed by “Fratstar,” he should pull out of this run-off election and record a heartfelt apology rap.

Obviously, deciding who to cast your presidential ballot for based on rap videos is stupid. But as a senior who has absolutely no stake in this election, I encourage you to follow your heart and vote for the candidate with the better song.

(And since Bill Pulte didn’t actually get a positive video featured in this post, I’ll give him a plug here. Well, sort of, because this pro-Pulte ad features all the hallmarks of a “The More You Know” spot.)

Clarification, 2:37 a.m.: This story has been clarified to reflect the fact that 4,455 students cast ballots, and 4,421 of those ballots were eligible. Thanks to Election Commissioner Paul David Shrader for the clarification.

If you’ve viewed any YouTube videos at all today, you may have noticed a large banner across the top announcing the YouTube Symphony project. The banner, placed in the same high-profile yet highly-ignorable area that usually houses the “Stay cool, we are performing site maintenance, everything will be 100% in a bit” message, represents a long-term and innovative project coming to fruition.

YouTube hosted auditions for musicians of all types and then built the symphony by mashing videos contributions from selected musicians around the world. Very Web-2.0 indeed.

The music itself? YouTube quality, at best. The project may be bold, but there are certainly advantages to having your symphony players in the same room.

More details available here.

But if you want to see something far cooler…go here instead.

On April Fools Day, it’s standard for media outlets to mess around with their readers, setting up fake website, fake news stories, and crazy fake inventions. Let’s take a tour of what really blew our minds on this mischievous day.

First, YouTube showed off their new upside-down layout, complete with instructions for viewing.

Screenshot of YouTube by author

Woot, an online store that sells random stuff for cheap, had an awesome offer today: random crap. Only $3.00, plus $1,000,000.00 for shipping.

Screenshot of Woot.com by author

Qualcomm Innovation, a wireless networking company, showed off their newest networking technology, including the Wolfpigeon, expanding networks…

Screenshot of Qualcomm.com by author

…the Sharkfalcon, which uses “ruthless flying killing machines” to prevent Wolfpigeon insurrections…

Screenshot of Qualcomm.com by author

…and of course, the Crocodeagle, to keep the sharkfalcon population low.

Screenshot of Qualcomm.com by author

For some fun text-filled pranks take a look at the Guardian in the United Kingdom explained that after “188 years of ink” they’ll be switching to publishing exclusively via Twitter. How trendy of them.

And don’t forget Google, those tricksters, who introduced us to “CADIE: the Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed-Intelligence Entity.” No, I’m not sure what that means either.

Finally, your very own North By Northwestern showed off our newest sister-site, geared towards our favorite demographic: the Vikings. Bursting at the seams with puns, pillaging, and Nordic heavy Viking metal rock (Sweet Home Scandinavia is my jam!), Norse By Norsewestern truly made my morning.

Screenshot of Norse By Norsewestern by author

Today on North by Northwestern, you might find my review of Miss March and interview with Zach Cregger, Trevor Moore and Craig Robinson. As a big fan of Moore and Cregger’s sketch show, The Whitest Kids U’ Know, I was thrilled to write these articles and get to meet these guys. However, I forecast that somewhat less than 100 percent of you are explicitly familiar with the sketch troupe. So, to supplement all that jazz, I am posting a bit of a get-to-know-you portfolio of some of the best Whitest Kids sketches from their TV series (The show is on IFC, which is not a Viacom company and therefore hasn’t been obliterated from YouTube). Warning: these clips are certainly NSFW.

1: The Slow Jerk. This is perhaps the most widespread of the WKUK videos. Your typical “bro” has imitated this one at least a couple of times.

2: The New Thing: This skit was so good that Budweiser stole the idea and made a commercial… not sure how the suit turned out.

3: Ford’s Theater: I was thrilled to see this done live at the WK show on Thursday, being immersed in the cross-theater yelling. Everyone knows the old stereotype about a certain kind of person being vocal in theaters. Of course, I’m talking about President Abraham Lincoln.

4: The Classroom Skit: If things offend you, please don’t watch this.

5: The Dirty Dating Game: Just filthy.

6: Poop Meeting: Fans of poop only, please.

7: The Deer: Ibid., except with bestiality.

8: Get a New Daddy: A bit of musical comedy. This one’s also shocking to most, but if you’ve made it this far I assume that you are into this sort of thing.

This morning, John logged into Northwestern’s CAESAR network to assess classes for the upcoming Spring Quarter. He wasn’t hoping for much. A few open psychology classes here and a few art classes there and he’d be in business. But when John went to search for classes, he stumbled across the threshold into the Twilight Zone. John went flying head over feet through time and space, and when he awoke, he found himself in 1947!

That’s what CAESAR thinks, at least. The already complaint-worthy registration system is still up and running, however at last glance the wormhole to the baby boom is still there. No, you can’t actually see those courses.

Say hello to President Truman for me.

Looks like Northwestern students are about to lose another platform where they can be total dicks. Juicy Campus, the Web site where you could gossip about your school and the people therein anonymously, is calling it quits. A few recent highlights from the Northwestern section of the site, to remind you of what we will be losing:

- “So we need to find a SLUT…”

- “What a whore”

- “Foursome!”

- “Who wouldn’t you under any circumstances ever fuck?”

- “purple underwear in bushes by tennis courts”

Gah, I feel dumber just typing that. So yeah, students will need to find a new venue to gossip about which sorority has the loosest ladies. Or they could read a book and try to undo all that cerebral damage. Hey, they can start by reading NBN’s article about Juicy Campus.

If you read through NBN’s liveblog of the Super Bowl commercials, one of our biggest complaints was the missing Miller High Life one-second ad. The brew company bought up ad time for various one second ads. Yet, I didn’t see any of them during the game tonight.

Well, upon further review, turns out Budweiser might possibly be to blame for the ad not showing. Bud is the official beer of the NFL, so they get the prime spots. Miller had to go through the local NBC affiliates for ad time and, though I find it hard to believe, they might have just missed the Chicago market. That’s the only reason I can think of for the spot not airing.

Anyway, regardless of why I (or any of my friends) didn’t see it, Miller is showing it (and a few other one-second ads) up on their website. And, after watching the super short ad…I can definitely say it’s the best ad of the night. Different, attention-grabbing and pretty funny when you think about it. Basically, better than the slew of crap every other company had tonight. In case you are too lazy to click that link or aren’t 21, the one-second clip is below.

Did anyone in the Chicago area see this? Especially in Evanston? Here are the ads that “didn’t make the cut,” if you want some more second-long goodness.

Note: This post may bend the rules of “Netplay” a little bit, as it is technically print. However, my mother sources tell me that this link is being forwarded all around the Web and back again.

As many Northwestern students know, journalism comes in many shapes and sizes. “Standards” and “relevance” are about as concrete as they were back in the days of Hearst himself! Interestingly enough, it was in those days of “yellow journalism” that the New York Times decided that they were just too cool for anything and everything that wasn’t “fit to print” — a direct reference to the sensationalist contortions of truth common to most reporting.

Nowadays, as many students of media history will tell you, this slogan just makes the Times sound like a bunch of butt holes. Last week, however, the Times challenged that reputation with an article about… butt holes.

Photo originally printed alongisde NY Times article "No Snickerng -- That Road Sign Means Something Else

The article, entitled “No Snickering — That Road Sign Means Something Else,” reveals the hardships of living in one of Great Britain’s many hilariously-named villages, roads and townships. Author Sarah Lyall explains:

Mr. Bailey, who grew up on Tumbledown Dick Road in Oxfordshire, and Mr. Hurst got the idea for the books when they read about a couple who bought a house on Butt Hole Road, in South Yorkshire.

The name most likely has to do with the spot’s historic function as a source of water, a water butt being a container for collecting water. But it proved to be prohibitively hilarious.

“If they ordered a pizza, the pizza company wouldn’t deliver it, because they thought it was a made-up name,” Mr. Hurst said. “People would stand in front of the sign, pull down their trousers and take pictures of each other’s naked buttocks.”

The couple moved away.

Yes, what she said indeed. Lyall goes on to document the people of Penistone, Crapstone and Spanker Lane, to name a few. If I were still in eighth grade, chances are this article would be printed, highlighted and taped on my wall.

But be careful not to enjoy it too much! The Times reminds you not to snicker and to enjoy the article responsibly. While one can’t help but be surprised to see this in the Times, it seems a safe bet to say that the paper’s target audience would at least get a chuckle out of the article. After all, even the staff of the New York Times can let down their gates and have a little fun, once in a while.

Full article is available here.

In a memorable scene from the Academy Award-nominated film The Wrestler, Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei jam out at a bar to Round and Round by Ratt. “Why can’t music be about having a good time?” laments Rourke. Randy the Ram does a good job of summing up the feel-good metal music that was so big in the 80s and 90s. It was about having “nothing but a good time.” However, once in a while, these rock stars got a little sad and picked up an acoustic guitar. Such occasions were so rare that they were worthy of their own compilation album (re: Monster Ballads). These metal moments have one other thing in common:

They are usually hilarious.

With occasional exceptions, metal attempts at emotional music have a tendency to be marvelously ridiculous.

Exhibit A: The original terrible ballad by the star of Rock of Love, Rock of Love 2, Rock of Love Bus and…all that. It’s “Every Rose Has its Thorn” by Poison.

Feel the sadness in those eyes. Sigh indeed, Bret.

Second is an even better video of Black Label Society’s Zakk Wylde mourning the death of his friend Dimebag Darrell. As a tribute, Zakk Wylde wrote this touching song (in no more than 30 words or so, might I add). The imagery of Zakk Wylde menacingly destroying a piano really goes for the heart. The overall aesthetic, from the beard to the double-neck black guitar to the arson fits perfectly with the subject matter. The best moment of the video? The meaningful, forlorn, passionate guitar solo (look for this):

Lastly comes my favorite example. Sometime in the early 90s, Iron Maiden frontman Bruce Dickinson traded in his spandex and satanism and pursued a solo career. While he never achieved much notoriety, he did make a fantastically incomprehensible video for “Tears of the Dragon.” How are dragon tears symbolic? Why is he jumping into the waves so many times? Who is the large Buddha-like man? The answers to these questions don’t really exist. Watch the video anyway…

Burger King’s latest attempt at “edgy” advertising, the “Whopper Sacrifice” Facebook application, which rewarded you a coupon for a free Whopper if you “sacrificed” ten of your friends, is no more. Facebook disabled the fatty tool today after saying BK’s app violated users’ privacy. You see, every time you burn a chum away to move closer to a 670 calorie burger, said buddy receives an e-mail telling them you’ve sacrificed them for a $2.69 foodstuff. Facebook policy states, however, that removing friends is a purely private affair (i.e. it doesn’t appear in newsfeed, deleted friend isn’t notified in anyway, etc.).

But don’t fret! This removal isn’t permanent, as BK is working on making the application work within the site’s parameters. Start friending a bunch of strangers so you can sacrifice them to the King a week from now.

Bonus seven-minute video of the Whopper Sacrifice in action:

Check out this video of friends making popcorn with their cellphones. Pretty crazy, right? These videos have apparently been online for a few months, but are just starting to get more attention. Interesting stuff, but is it real?

The answer, of course, is no. Various articles on the Internet argue the phones would have to emit dangerous levels of energy to pop those kernels. If you were hoping to avoid setting off dorm fire alarms while microwaving popcorn, sorry. As a parting gift, here is a kinda-clever video parody:

Northwestern has produced a lot of talented musical artists. Andrew Bird, Rachael Yamagata, Steve Albini, the list goes on. Dem Pike Boyz, presumably from the NU chapter of the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity, offer up a musical work of their own for NU musical glory (or someone’s playing a cruel joke on them). But “FRATSTAR (F-R-A-T-S-T-A-R)” falls mighty short of being a classic, or anything musically (or socially) redeeming. Take a listen to Pike’s highly misogynistic and brain-cell-killing single below.

[Update: "Fratstar" is back on YouTube, as user nupike2009 uploaded it earlier today. Enjoy the stupidity all over again, or for the first time ever, below.]

As the final frame reveals, this is apparently Pike’s way to convince people to rush the frat this year. Now, I’m sure the chance to “sip on the Goose” and “grab some caboose” would do a great job attracting potential pledges, but how could anyone wanting to join a fraternity hear this and not say “Why aren’t you people being pelted with rotten eggs right now?” There is nothing cool about a song that, as a friend said to me, “sounds like music from Civilization.” Listen, I remember the first time I opened up GarageBand and fiddled around, but I didn’t record a song where I pretended to be Young Jeezy for four minutes. I realize, also, we probably aren’t dealing with voice majors here, but I think all of these fellows should be self-aware enough to know they should never sing outside of an ironic rendition of “I Want It That Way” at a Greek Week talent show. Especially the guy near the end who sounds like a young “Macho Man” Randy Savage.

If the music itself didn’t make you cut your own ears off with a ballpoint pen, then the lyrics will have you opening up that Bic package in no time! Maybe this song was designed as a clever way to give Mary Desler a mental breakdown, what with all the fun references to hazing pledges and degrading women on caveman-like levels. Actually, I take that back, that’s an insult to caveman, who would at least have the courtesy to club the girl in the head, rendering her unable to hear this song. Maybe it’s all an elaborate way to diss other frats, as evidenced by the line “Sig Ep popping collars/Lodge is stacking dimes/but Pike will kick your ass when it’s gametime” (complete with effeminite lisp! Because the song needed to insult gay people to go that extra special mile). Maybe it’s a biting commentary on Northwestern’s English classes as, even though the made-up word “Fratstar” appears twice in the title (and literally spelled out once), they forget the second “a” in the actual song.

Dem Pike Boyz have given us so many lyrical nuggets to sift through that simply describing them don’t do them justice. So here are a few more highlights from the rap. Next time a Pike guy tells you about all the great community service the frat does, recite one of these lines!

- “Sorostitutes trying to come back to the house/take them back to 305 and rip off their blouse.” (People actually say “sorostitutes”? Does a wave of vomit flow out alongside that word, or does that come from anyone who happens to overhear said word?)

- “Drinking all night, sleeping in all day/If frat life were a class, theres no doubt I’d get an A.” (Frat life would probably be a tougher class than Swahili, so I give them that.)

- “Looks like it’s time to open a tab/Shots for everyone at the bar THANKS DAD.” (Somewhere, a father is sobbing quietly as he watches years of college savings vanish in a sea of Jager bombs and Grey Goose.)

- “Wolf that beer, pledge/Take your cane with a smack.” (”Guys, I have a great idea! Lets make a song…wait, no, a rap, that’s funny haha…and include a part about how we haze pledges. Then, we can post it on YouTube, where everyone, including important university officials who could investigate us, could hear it. Think of all the sorostitutes we’ll pull in!”)

I’m going to give Pike the benefit of the doubt here…this has to be a prank played on them by another frat, probably those dime-stackers in Lodge. Or, maybe it’s a really bad attempt at parody done by some 2008 pledges…they might not understand the concepts of “shame” and “basic logic” yet. Regardless of the motives, we should get excited, because the description promises a music video soon. And, if the guy who posted “Fratstar” directs, he’s sure to make Pike an even hotter rush destination in 2010. Because nothing says “cool guy” like “I made a rap about physics once that blacks out in the middle.”

Have you ever wondered what is in the perfect refrigerator? Have you ever wondered how to add 26-inch rims and three televisions to your Chevy Caprice? Have you ever wondered what it’s like to order everything on the McDonald’s Dollar Menu at once? The answer to all of these mysteries lies in the YouTube channel of Mr. Chi City, a faceless Chicago native who dedicates himself to making videos for his gracious Internet viewers. Who is Mr. Chi City? No one can say for sure, as his face is never on camera. His videos are both quick-witted and witless, clever and ridiculous, intelligent and insulting all at once. This man is either a comedian having a laugh thanks to Internet anonymity or a very passionate yet misguided soul. Enough talking, watch the video (contains adult language):

It’s been a while since a pair of proud parents have been goodly enough to bless YouTube with a hilarious video of their small children. While no child may live up to the glory of Charlie or the “Blood” baby in exploitation value, this adorable girl’s description of Star Wars will have to do for now. If you can handle any more preciousness after this week’s cute animal blog, then click to watch:

And don’t talk back to Darth Vader!

Special Thanks to Maggie Birkel