Beneath all the relationship drama, bad puns and Casie-Cappie stuff, the season finale of Greek touched on the very theme that makes the show popular and, ultimately, fascinating. Last week’s installment dipped its toes into this idea, but the Spring Break capper to this season embraced it. The most interesting thing about this week’s Greek wasn’t anything happening at Spring Break, but the hints of what happens after it. And by that, I mean what happens after college finishes.

The episode left hints about that post-collegiate fear throughout the episode: the middle-aged hotel receptionist seemed downright miserable, entertained only by Who Wants to be a Millionaire at an otherwise drab career. Conversations about majors and the inevitable return to school were underlined with fear and anxiety. Near the end, the adult world interrupted the festivities via a Congressional scandal (no, seriously) that directly affected three characters. The most morbid line came, oddly enough, from a character who hasn’t said anything intelligent all season (and wouldn’t say another non-cringe-worthy word the rest of the episode). Before the title sequence even flashed by, Ashleigh said, in reference to appropriate beach music, “No Jimmy Buffet, we have plenty of time to listen to him when we are sad and old.” And yet “Spring Broke” hinted at the fact that the characters on this show may not have much more time before “Cheeseburger in Paradise” becomes a sonic staple.

And I’m glad Greek finally spent a lot of time touching on one of the central themes of the show. After tonight’s season finale, the future of the series seems a bit better off — sure, plenty of rehash, but the conflict of the characters trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives offers a whole slew of new possibilities in coming seasons. Tonight’s episode wasn’t the best episode, but it did an excellent job setting the next season up.

Summary

Everyone is going to Myrtle Beach, S.C., for spring break. Rusty ends up having a miserable time, and opts to head home early. As does Calvin, who misses his boyfriend. The two end up on the same bus home, and much re-connecting happens (eventually). Evan goes on a tear, meeting tons of new girls after the Casey episode, but eventually gets closer to Frannie. Casey and Ashleigh just want to have a good time and meet some boys. But things change when Casey and Cappie start getting close again, and Ashleigh finds a super hot guy she “wants to molest.” She calls him the “Hot-ness Monster,” by the way. Cringe.

Representations of College

- I think it’s hard to mess up a spring break episode of a college show — just show lots of partying and some live music (from a band called American Bang, a group I initially confused with Kings of Leon) and you pretty much cover everything that needs to be covered.

- One of the wacky things on Casey’s “spring break to-do list”? Play a drinking game. Uhhh, that doesn’t seem that out of the ordinary to me. Shouldn’t she have played one at some point at college? Weird.

- Casey freaks out when Rebecca starts doing stupid stuff while wearing her letters. I’ve been told by some of my sorority pals this is a policy, that letters can’t be displayed in photos or videos featuring alcohol.

- As much as the title “Hot-ness Monster” makes me ill, I’m starting to see that girls really do dub certain boys with equally idiotic titles. Maybe the writers of this show are really geniuses, and I’m the idiot. Why not?

Examples of Greek’s Bad Writing in Action

- Hidden geniuses or not, I’m still pointing out “Hot-ness Monster” as stupid.

- “I just met the man I’m going to molest!” Sad face goes here.

- “You’re putting my tray table into its upright position.” Cappie to Rebecca. Suprisingly, I don’t hate this because it is a bad erection joke. Rather, it’s dumb because Cappie uses an airplane metaphor for no reason. They weren’t talking about planes or commercial airflights or anything. There has to be stuff at the beach he can compare his boner to.

- Also, Ashleigh named her credit card Teresa Visa. Just… poor Ashleigh.

Closing Question - Why can’t September come sooner? Also, why is Ashleigh so stupid? The actor who plays her seems coherent enough, if the below video proves anything.

I couldn’t watch Greek in my usual viewing location, so I had to watch it in my old dorm’s TV lounge. Another person joined me, someone who had never watched the show, but who was willing to watch anything to kill an hour. So, I observed someone new to the Greek universe watching the show. And realized one of Greek’s finer attributes is the sometimes poor writing.

My guest wasn’t a huge fan of the show — he criticized many a portion of it — but he also followed along. He predicted several scenes well-before they unfolded, and quickly picked up on which character filled which role on the show (mainly, Ashleigh is the idiot). He may not have been the biggest fan, but this week’s episode pulled him in, even if I doubt he’ll ever flip this on ever again. I’ve long-criticized Greek’s less-than-tolerable writing, but my experience this week showed me that it serves a valuable purpose: it allows anyone to get into the show at any juncture in time. If Greek was extremely well-written, one would probably have to have prior knowledge of the series to watch it and understand what was going on. People can’t just flip on Lost or 24 and expect to be immersed in it, they need to know what happened before.

But Greek isn’t like that at all. It isn’t a complex show, something I’ve always sorta-faulted it for, but now I realize that isn’t a bad thing. Watching an episode ofThe Wire requires knowledge of what has happened before that particular episode to truly understand what’s going on. If you want to watch a series like that, you either need to have been following it from the beginning or devote an entire weekend to watching DVDs of older seasons to get caught-up (off-topic: how do people have time to do that? Do they ever, you know, do anything interesting with their lives?). You could watch older episodes of Greek, but not doing so wouldn’t leave you confused. You realize Evan’s an asshole in a second. I now appreciate Greek as being a simple show anyone can enjoy. The things you learn when you watch a show with a random person.

Summary

Casey is studying for an LSAT practice test, and turns to “friend” Evan for help. She ends up doing well on the test, and the two have dinner together to celebrate. Evan sets Casey up with an interview with the dean of admissions at Harvard Law School. Rusty gets a fake ID, and stumbles into all sorts of problems when a bartender mistakes him for a famous underground folk singer. Ashleigh gets a credit card and, being the idiot she is, does stupid things with it. Next week - Spring Break!

Representations of College

- Casey’s revelation at the end of the episode that she doesn’t want to get into law and has no clue what she wants to do with her life rings painfully close to home. It’s easy to forget at a pre-professionally heavy school like Northwestern, but plenty of college students are mighty confused about what they want to do with their lives. I include myself in this category, so Casey’s awakening touched me in a way only so many fictitious TV shows have.

- Fake I.s: people have them. Especially in college. Uhhhh, good job Greek, I wish I had more to say on the matter.

- No college student, even at the most remedial university in the country, could possibly be as stupid as Ashleigh is. Seriously, show me someone dumber than her. I dare you.

- With that said, it can be pretty hard to avoid signing up for credit cards in college when they offer so much swag. I once signed up for some Visa card to get a free pizza at Giordano’s. And the line inside the restaurant signaled I wasn’t alone.

- No bar located near a college campus would ever play Tokyo Police Club. Also, I’m stunned Greek featured a band I actually like. What’s happening to the world?

- Last week, I harped on the show’s refusal to acknowledge Facebook. Well, they actually featured a Facebook-like website this week, though Rusty described it as a college profile. Bravo Greek.

Greek’s Bad Writing In Action

- “Slow down Spendy Gonzalez.” Casey talking with Ashleigh about her credit card abuse. Some positvies come out of Greek’s bad writing, but it also spawns lines like this.

- Not related to this week’s episode, but if the preview for the season finale offers any truth, the writers better not have Casey and Cappie kiss. Don’t fall back on stories you guys exhausted already!

Closing Question - What band that I actually enjoy will be featured next in Greek? Is Tokyo Police Club now cursed?

No time for an intro. Reading Week is here and so is Common. Here’s what happened in this week’s episode of Battlestar Galactica, “Sine Qua Non.”

Warning: Spoiler Alert!

The fleet can wait. Adama’s crazy in love.Photo courtesy of the Sci-Fi network.

Natalie dies after being shot by Sharon-Athena. Moments before Natalie dies on the operating table she recites prayers continually saying, “Heavenly Father.” All of the government officials are freaking out because President Roslin and Baltar were on the baseship that jumped away and because Adama isn’t supporting Zarek’s presidency. Everyone believes that the baseship jumped away because Sharon-Athena killed Natalie. Sharon-Athena is scolded by Adama and is put in the brig for murdering an unarmed woman and putting the entire fleet in danger. She’s not allowed to have Hera in there with her until the end of the episode.

Adama is flipping out because the basestar jumped away with most of the colonial fleet’s pilots (including Helo) and more importantly with Roslin. No one knows where the basestar or the resurrection hub they were supposed to destroy jumped to. What’s worse is that Zarek has taken over as President. To top things off Adama finds out Tigh has been sleeping with Caprica-Six and that she’s pregnant with Tigh’s baby. (Chyeah, that’s right). Adama and Tigh get into fisticuffs over it but they work it out.

Lee doesn’t accept Zarek’s presidency either and teams up with Romo Lampkin to search for a proper war-time replacement president. A cynical Lampkin keeps telling Lee to accept Zarek as president but Lee refuses. After considering 47 people they still come up empty-handed. Predictably Lampkin soon realizes Lee is the only viable replacement, and accuses Lee of manufacturing the search. Less predictably Lampkin then holds Lee at gunpoint and threatens to kill him. It turns out Lampkin’s depressed about his wife’s dead cat. The cat was the last reminder Lampkin had of his family that died during the original cylon attack on the colonies. Lampkin thinks humans should accept their fate and that Lee shouldn’t be president because he would only give the fleet more useless hope. Lee convinces Lampkin that he would be a good president and so Lampkin doesn’t kill him. Lee is sworn in as president and a very pissed of Zarek takes his Vice President position again.

Meanwhile, Adama frantically searches for the missing basestar. A damaged raptor jumps back to the fleet’s position, after securing it they learn it is the same raptor that took Roslin and Baltar to the basestar. Adama has the Galactica jump to the raptor’s last coordinates (which were determined using its flight data recorder), leaving the fleet to be defended by the few pilots left under Starbuck’s command. It appears that the hub was destroyed but at the cost of several Galactica pilots. Adama still doesn’t believe that Roslin is dead and commands several fighters to search the debris field for clues of where the basestar jumped to – further straining Starbuck’s defense system. As the search continues Adama gets lectured by Tigh and then Starbuck on its futility, but it’s only when Lampkin talks to him that Adama comes to his senses. Lampkin does this by helping Adama realize he cannot live without Roslin, “Sine Qua Non,” and thus has lost his objectivity. With this epiphany, Adama gives command of the fleet to Tigh (who did some fantastic monocular acting) and flies out in a lone raptor while the fleet jumps away. Adama sits in his raptor reading Searider Falcon waiting for Roslin.

Quote of the Week: “You know how many times I’ve had to repair this thing?” –Adama referring to a model ship that was crushed during his fight with Tigh.

Next Week: D’Anna is unboxed by Cavil and boomer. She chokes him out. Later she’s seen telling someone that they are the final five. President Roslin looks shocked.

Tonight, E! premiered two new summer reality shows: Denise Richards: It’s Complicated and Living Lohan.

First, Denise. I never really had thoughts about Denise Richards one way or the other. After seeing the first episode of It’s Complicated, I think she’s a bimbo. The show is suppose to offer insight into her life, to dispel the rumors from the tabloids. Thus far, however, it seems as though most of the tabloid rumors are true and she’s just an idiot to boot. This isn’t to say she won’t make good TV. Actually, she might just fit in quite nicely with the E! family. Her shenanigans and bitching will get old fast, though, if there’s no drama to fuel the series.

Fortunately, there appears to be no lack of drama in Lohan. The series is apparently going to center around Ali Lohan’s budding career and mom Dinah’s bitch monster tactics with managers, producers and paparazzi. Basically, the Lohan women are confrontational bitches and the men (from what I’ve gathered thus far) would rather shy away from the limelight. This combination worked well in KUPtK, but can the Lohan’s pull it off? Mostly, I think it will just rely on outrageous displays to pull in audiences. That can work though…even though I dare say viewers will find themselves embarrassed for the loud-mouthed Dinah.

Overall, the summer realitE! lineup is more promising than I would have given it credit for. You have ditzes and bitches, what more do you need for some guilty 3 a.m. viewing pleasure in the middle of July? Not much really.

Don’t worry, even if It’s Complicated and Living Lohan are busts, there are sure to be plenty of reruns of proven E! gems.

The world of Greek contains plenty of references to the Internet, from shots of characters using instant messaging to people writing e-mails. But one of the biggest online tools around today has never reared its blue and white head. Seriously, do the kids at Cyprus Rhodes not have Facebook? The issue of Mark Zuckerberg’s soul-sucking creation never being used wasn’t an issue until tonight’s episode, when the social networking site would have resolved nearly every problem presented in “A Tale of Two Parties.”

Think about it: With Facebook, Rusty and Tina could have simply set their relationship status to “it’s complicated” and there wouldn’t be any confusion. Rusty could have sent his sister a Facebook message asking for sex advice, instead of trying to get it out of her one-on-one. The Kappa Taus could have gotten the word out about their party a whole lot better had they created an event page. Casey could have gotten right to flirting with the guy from Wildfire because she would have seen he’d broken up with his girlfriend on her newsfeed. Plus, Evan might pick up on the fact Frannie wants him bad if he’d just ask her about her Facebook Five.

I think on a show where characters reference Gossip Girl they should probably use one of the biggest websites on the Internet to interact. Or maybe Greek happens in some other dimension where Mark Zuckerberg was never born and Friendster is the dominant social website. No writer for Greek could think of that.

Summary

Omega Chi decides to throw a big party celebrating the end of the school’s restrictions. Kappa Tau counters, throwing a rager of their own. Casey wants to meet “hot boys” at the party, but Evan does everything he can in his power to have her not interact with anyone else. Much to Evan’s dismay, Casey and a guy (played by some guy from ABC Family’s horse-centric drama “Wildfire”) hit it off. Rusty realizes he is Tina’s “fun buddy” (guess what that really means), and is confused about how to approach that. Plus, Calvin and his TA share a kiss, which means ABC Family isn’t playing around with their “new kind of family” tagline.

Representations of College

• The running gag in tonight’s episode was that Rusty turns to a wide variety of people for advice regarding Tina, with all of their help bordering on the idiotic. I applaud this joke, because a lot of advice you get in college is really stupid. Nobody had the right answer for Rusty, the same way nobody has the right answer for any of your meaningless problems.
• Cappie references an “American Girl Spring Fashion Show Party.” He meant it as an insult, but I fear that could actually be a brilliant party idea.
• I wish Ashleigh’s line about reading every issue of Cosmo was some bad joke. But nearly every female I’ve met worships that rag. Don’t know if that’s a commentary on college or girls in general, though.
• Most of the music featured at both frat parties would never be played at a real frat party. People want something you can dance to, not emotional pop-rock. At one point, though, the Omega Chi party featured a rap song. That’s more like it!
• A friend in sorority says the episode misrepresented the “sober sister” policy. There you go.

Greek’s Bad Writing In Action

• Instead of saying the extra two syllables necessary, one frat bro refers to Rusty and Tina’s relationship as “friends with bennies.” Hope it isn’t this Benny.
• The scene where Beaver pretended to be Tina calling Rusty was one of the most cliché sitcom moments Greek could have ripped off. What’s next, Kappa Tau gets a wacky neighbor?

• To keep it blunt and simple: Nearly all the dialog between Casey and Ashleigh is putrid. Absolute garbage. Can Ashleigh go on study abroad or something to “Hotmanistan” just so we don’t have to deal with the raw sewage that is her lines?

Closing Question - Does anyone actually watch ABC Family’s Wildfire? Alternatively, does anyone watch anything else on ABC Family?

On the seventh season of American Idol, rocker David Cook was given the Idol crown. Photo courtesy of AmericanIdol.com.

My apologies to Jackie, the John Lennon fan. I don’t know if it was the fact that we were talking about Paul Simon just before I wrote the blog, putting Pauls on my mind, or just all the time I’ve been spending with Jason Castro that did it, but I made a grave factual error. Thank you for pointing out and I will try to be better if and when there is a next time.

Sorry to disappoint with the final blog of the season, but the Tivo in my dorm picked a good time to give up on us. I had class from 7 to 10 and I’d say an education is sometimes more important than watching the two-hour finale of Idol live, especially when it’s your major. Unless your major is something like Geography. Thank you for teaching me my state capitals. I could have learned everything we learned in class from Google maps, but they won’t give me a degree for that.

Recap Time (the Abridged/YouTube Version)! Some SPOILERS are coming your way:

The winner of the seventh season of the show that dominates the ratings (according to some crabby old media measurement company called Nielsen) is David Cook. Sorry to burst the bubble of the little darling fans of the tweenie bopper who could, but it wasn’t even a close call. 12 million votes was the difference. That’s like the-entire-population-of-Tokyo difference. Surprising, consider the adorable David Archuleta sang like some angel escaped from the gates of heaven Tuesday night. Well, that’s what I imagine my heaven to be like. Little angels singing to me. Oh no. Now I sound like little Archie’s dad. “Sing, monkey, sing!”

The Love Guru spoke with the Davids. As they came in, he was playing some version of Guitar Hero with the most badass guitar ever. If only it weren’t Mike Myers minus 2.0 promoting a film that shouldn’t exist. He almost had it all. Anyway,” the skit verged on being funny, except that it also verged on being brownface. “Mariska Hargitay. Offensive much?

The fabulously dressed man, Ronaldo Lapuz, who believes in brotherhood made an appearance on the show, singing with the USC band. This probably shouldn’t have been allowed, but it was entertaining. Paula joined him for the encore performance. Ronaldo’s mums were as shiny as ever. Aww, the south and wearing cheaply made flowers with cheap streamers that cost almost as much as the homecoming dress. Beautiful.

The top six girls sang some Donna Summers, sporting tight, red outfits. It was like one giant ad for Big Red gum. Mildly spicy. About 1/3 of the way through the performance, the real Donna Summers came out, which was a blessing. Watching Amanda Overmyer dance as if she had no soul was starting to cause blindness. Professional dancers started breakdancing to a song that should have only included moves from Saturday Night Fever. Ryan decided he would show some moves of this own, which were ridiculous. Not really surprising. He always wants to steal the limelight, even if he ends up looking like Crazy Uncle Ed in the process.

George Michael performed. As much as I would like to make some rude and inappropriate comment about him, I can’t bring myself to trash a legend. Okay, I am evil and I cannot resist. I felt like he was singing “Love In Any Language.” You could have muted the T.V. and probably gathered what he was singing about. It was like watching an interpretive dancer, only one rooted to the spot with painful clamps decorating his/her back (only reasonable explanation for the painful expression on his face). Paula cried, but if anyone has watched her show, they’d know it could have been her coke being a little flat. By the end of it, I was so depressed I wished the Mayans predicted the world would end tomorrow.

Carrie Underwood performed, and she was great as usual. She was dressed like a modern-day bride. She was so modern, in fact, she included a nice towel attached to the dress to wipe her face after the “cake in the face” part. Genius.

I guess some other stuff happened and maybe it was awesome. But nothing tops Fantasia dressed as a troll performing a song that had no words, just deep, guttural noises. So therefore the rest of the show is invalidated. Just go with it.

So season seven has come to a close and now hopefully David Cook can become the first male winner to not flop after the show. Considering his arrangements are brilliant and (mostly) original, I think he’ll do just fine. Until Idol decides to invade our lives once again (although maybe it should end here at lucky number 7), peace out. Hey, I felt very 70s inspired by the show (or what I saw of it). It was all groovy baby and free love (only not free love). Groovy, just groovy.

David Archuleta peaked at the right moment, delivering three stellar performances. Photo courtesy of AmericanIdol.com.

It has come down to the Davids on Season 7 of American Idol! Let the final match begin!

This week, Clive Owen and Andrew Lloyd Webber are the mentors, helping the guys to cause the crowd to become star-struck. Or just freaking everyone out with their intensity.

The Idol finale (the first half, at least) was just so darn cute. Except for the heavy-weight title stuff the show kept pushing. It was like a cute-off, which is like a snap-off, only with lots of smiling. Seriously, you cannot put David Archuleta in a boxing rink. He can’t dance at all. I’m sure he has no coordination as far as punching goes, so dancing around the ring is a must. Nope, not possible. His feet do not respond to brain activity.

But really, the Davids were all lovey-dovey with each other. They pretty much recited their vows to each other, so maybe we should plan for a wedding in the near future. Hey, they are in California, the most progressive and amazing state. Except for maybe Massachusetts.

The wardrobe was pretty good tonight. Simon looked a little hairy, but nice, Paula was sparkly, and Randy looked well put together. David Cook looked like a hot rocker and Ryan looked the same as always. David Archuleta looked like my next door neighbor’s son dressed in clothes from the “Big Boys” section.

Recap of the Singing (which was molten hot lava, baby). SPOILERS!:

David Cook — First up was “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” by U2. I love the scratchiness in his voice. It’s more of it than I’ve heard before. Thank you, Clive Owen. The judges liked it. Pretty much, America has found what it’s looking for.

Archie — The first song sang by the boy who somehow lived to make it to this point was “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down” by Elton John. It was weird to hear him sing in such a low register, but it was an excellent performance. Randy thought it was one of the best performances this season. Paula loved it. Simon thought that this may have been the best performance so far from David, and he declared him the winner of round one.

Cook — He sang “Dream Big”. This is contemporary and I could listen to this on the radio. I liked the red lighting. It reminds me of McDonald’s… and bulls. And David Cook is a bull. Well, really a fox, but they’re in the same family. It’s fitting. The judges liked it up until Simon. Simon didn’t think it felt like a winning moment and it was a 6.5/10. They always get you with those half points. Simon could judge figure skating. He’s just that accurate.

David Archuleta — He sang “In This Moment.” It was really good. I might buy this on iTunes. This is so sad. I am supporting a 12-year-old who has little to no concept of stage presence. Maybe I should be nicer to him because his dad is like Ike Turner crazy. And his voice is darn impressive. Randy used the phone book line again. Somebody needs to tell him he can find better pickup lines on the Internet. Paula liked it. Simon loved the egotistical lyric and he made the call again. The little brat won round two and I have to concede.

The Last Ditch Effort also known as Mama said knock you out!:

David Cook — He sang “The World I Know” by Collective Soul. The guitar is tender and his voice is sweet and vulnerable. He cried at the end, which was so special. It was like Special K Red Berries special. He knows how to work the sexiness, which is a great advantage over Archuleta. Oh, wait. The fan base of this show is J14 readers. Which means they’ve probably only heard of first base. Simon thought it was the wrong song for this point in the competition. He wanted David to do a repeat song, or go back in time instead of making his performances varied and diverse. I love how they preach versatility and crap, but they always put the Idols in little labeled boxes like “Rocker”, “Pop Star”, “Bad Fake British Accent While Singing”, and etc. Seriously?

David Archuleta — He sang “Imagine” by Paul McCartney. Again. He looks like a little hobbit baby trying to open its eyes. And the ugly ensemble is not becoming of a young star. But what is becoming is a freaking amazing performance. So even though I hate little Archie more than those darn Furbies they tried to sell us as cute play things back in the good old days of childhood (98-Y2K), he deserves to win. He blew David Cook away tonight. And if he’s crowned champion, I will not be upset. Though I hope the horny 20-year-olds will come out to vote for the rocker David Cook.

Favorite Quotes (Pretty much the Randy Show):
“This is a duel for the King of the Nokia, baby…Drop it all. Drop it hard tonight.” — Randy
“And unbelievably molten hot!” — Randy; I base my real-world vernacular on Randy quotes
“You were singing your face off.” — Randy
“For me, this whole thing is a progression. So I thought, why do something I’ve already done?” — David Cook

Tomorrow night, we crown a champion. Or as the shows producers would prefer me to say, somebody’s getting a belt. If only it were real boxing. That might have been more entertaining than seeing a grown man be broken by a boy who needs a high chair to reach the booth at Chili’s. Well, this is it until Idol declares a new “superstar” to join the likes of Taylor Hicks and Ruben Studdard. Who ended the show because apparently he still exists in the industry. Who knew?

In honor of the most soul-crushing House episode ever, I’m not writing a regular recap. Why? Because there’s nothing funny about people dying. Seriously. Instead, I’ll be doing the top five reasons why House had me bawling this Tuesday.

Spoiler warning: Viewer discretion is advised.

5.) I have to wait until the fall for another episode of House.
It may seem like a petty concern, what with the all the tragedy, but that’s exactly why it’s such a bummer. This is a horrible, ER-worthy note to end on. Don’t ruin everyone’s lives and then expect viewers to want to come back in the fall. It’s going to take the whole summer just to get over the sting from this episode.

Cutthroat Bitch no more. Photo courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Co.

4.) Kutner’s parents were both shot in front of him while he was six and 13 has Huntington’s.
I know the other characters had traumatizing pasts, Cameron with her dead husband, Chase with his dead mom and now dad, but that was nothing compared to these two. Kutner lost both his parents violently, and claims he’s okay with it, but seems too lackadaisical for okay. 13 is dying. It may be a lot more slowly and painfully than Amber, but essentially they killed off two characters this week.

3.) House doesn’t want to live.
We always knew House was self-loathing and generally cantankerous. But to hear him say that he would rather stay in purgatory with Amber because it doesn’t hurt there and because Wilson doesn’t hate him there was more than a little tear-inducing.

2.) Wilson hates House.
I know that Wilson’s hate is unfounded, that he’ll come around and that he can never leave House. But honestly, House killed the woman he loved. To see Wilson walk out on House when he wakes up from the coma he put himself in trying to save Amber was too sad for words.

1.) Amber died.
I thought I hated Amber. She was nasty, self-centered and her name was “Cutthroat Bitch,” for goodness’ sake. But after seeing how much she loved Wilson and how much he loved her, I grew to like her. And her repartee with House, I liked that too. I thought for sure they were going to save her. Why bring her back only to kill her off and devastate Wilson? But they did. And I sobbed.

Like a good drug, this week’s episode of Greek made me drowsy at points, but ultimately served its purpose well enough. The action wasn’t all that interesting (especially the Casey scandal storyline, which dragged the plot down big time), but the poorly titled “No Campus for Old Rules” displayed the show’s newfound skill at wrapping up overdone stories while also introducing new ones. An OK episode loaded with series-important moments (no more Greek restrictions, U-Sag disbanded, Rusty gets laid) that, with only three episodes left in the season, open up all sorts of possibilities for the show to explore.

Summary

The Cyprus-Rhodes basketball team has made it to the “Basketball Conference Championship,” and Kappa Tau wins courtside seats through the Greek lottery. Rusty mentions this to Dale and his semi-crush Tina, both U-SAG backers, who exploit it and bring it to higher-ups at the school. Soon, the Greeks face not only the loss of their tickets, but also the threat of having the restrictions permanently enforced. Meanwhile, Casey faces a scandal of her own after she grants Ashleigh a “presidential pardon” when she is placed on house probation. The rest of the house (especially Rebecca) doesn’t take kindly to this move.

Representation of College

- Wow, sports in college! Glad to know one of the central aspects of going to a university finally emerged in Greek. It might be hard to fathom if you go to basketball cupcake Northwestern, but schools actually talented at the sport go crazy for it. And, unlike our fair school, students actually have to buy tickets, not just flash a Wildcard. Thank god for lacrosse…

- Evan’s big speech at the end about how great Frats are toed the line between cool spiel and stupid rant, ending up more on the prior. Greek used to be really bad at this, blindly pumping frats up. Today, they do it far less arrogantly and with an eye towards faults in the system alongside all the perks.

Greek’s Bad Writing in Action

- The Cyprus-Rhodes Titans will be playing in the…wait for it…Basketball Conference Championship. Why even bother giving it a name at all? Just call it the big game - even that generic title is better than the stupidly generic Basketball Conference Championship moniker. Can’t they just make up a sports conference?

- “Do you think they miss our Hot Pockets?” Said by Ashleigh in reference to frat boys eating late night snacks at ZBZ. Call me a perv, but I swear that’s one of the weakest innuendos imaginable. Maybe I’m just gross.

Closing Question - Didn’t Rusty have sex with his last girlfriend? Or did they just spoon?

Recap: A New Perspective in New Orleans
In tonight’s episode, Kim and sisters Khloe and Kourtney traveled to New Orleans to help promote/serve as eye candy for a celebrity pool tournament organized by Kim’s own beau, Reggie Bush, to raise money for those affected by Hurricane Katrina. When the girls hear they’re invited to New Orleans, they’re (of course) super-excited to party in the Big Easy. When they get there, however, a trip around the area affected by Katrina opens their eyes to the real tragedy and what little has actually been done for the families in the area.

Kim and kin choose one FEMA-trailor dwelling family basically at random, then adopt them as a pet project. They even go so far as to get furniture donated to the family, to be placed on lay-away until they get what they really need: a new home.

Meanwhile, back in Calabasas, Bruce decides to use a weekend with no kids around to chase his wife around the house naked (yuck). Unfortunately for him (but fortunately for those of us who gag at the thought of Kris Jenner’s barely-blurred naked form scuttling across our TV screens), Kris’s cousin from out-of-town conveniently visits and creates the only “drama” in this saccharine episode.

The, Like, Super Opinion Thing
Call me insensitive, call me a horrible person, but this has been, by far, my least favorite episode of the Kardashians yet. While it’s great that the sisters have finally used their meager fame to do some good, it’s not what I want to see on KUWtK. I stay glued to the Kardashian sisters’ lives for the drama, not do-gooderness… if I wanted that, I’d watch Ty Pennington build someone a house or Oprah’s Big Give, not the personified vapidity that are the Kardashian sisters.

The episode moved slowly and felt like a nice PR package put together to appease some bitchy brunettes after the Kardashian Civil War cast them in a negative light. Kim’s speeches about being “changed” by the experience seemed scripted and Khloe and Kourtney barely spoke at all. The only real emotion in the episode came from the family the girls made a project of (unless of course you count Bruce Jenner’s disappointment at his weekend of hot sex with Kris being ruined, but really, let’s hope that was faked).

Last we checked there were 39,673 survivors on the colonial fleet. After this week’s episode of Battlestar Galactica there are 39,672 and three-quarters. Here’s what happened on this week’s episode of BSG, “Guess What’s Coming to Dinner: Part 1”

“Great Hera!” Athena’s about to bust a cap or two on a Six. Photo courtesy of the Sci-Fi network.

Warning! Spoiler Alert!

The Demetrius and the basestar agree to jump back to Galactica together to ensure that the basestar doesn’t get attacked. The Demetrius fails to jump because of technical problems so all Galactica sees is a huge basestar in front of them. Adama sends vipers out to attack the basestar but Colonel Tigh orders to hold fire. Demetrius finally jumps and Helo convinces Galactica that the crew on board the basestar is friendly.

Natalie-Six and the rest of the rebel cylons offer the humans an alliance. As part of the alliance Natalie gives the humans the coordinates to the resurrection hub for all cylons. The plan is:
1. Un-box D’Anna so she can reveal the final five.
2. Blow up the resurrection hub so that no cylon can ever resurrect again.
3. Have the final five join the rebel cylons.

Fearing he may be discovered, Tigh tries to convince President Roslin to blow up the resurrection hub without finding out who the final five are. Instead, Roslin plans to have the final five accompany the humans to Earth and then hand them over to the rebel cylons. Natalie and the rest of the rebels don’t trust the humans and decide that after the hub is destroyed, they’ll have the centurions hold any humans on board the basestar hostage until the final five are given to the rebels. Meanwhile, the 12 representatives of the government are cheesed off that Roslin agreed to an alliance without their approval. With Roslin’s approval Natalie attends a meeting with the 12 representatives to convince them the agreement is sound. After the meeting, Natalie realizes her hostage plan will only increase distrust between humans and cylons. Natalie tells Leoben to try and convince the centurions not to take the humans hostage while she goes to Adama to stall the jump to the resurrection hub.

Roslin finds out Tory has been sleeping with Baltar and uses her to try and convince Baltar not to broadcast rumors that Roslin’s been sharing visions with Caprica-Six and Athena. Roslin soon has a shared dream with Athena and Caprica-Six. In the dream, both Roslin and Athena chase after Hera as she runs to Six. Six picks her up and walks into a room with Baltar as two doors shut behind her. Athena wakes up to find Hera by her bedside saying, “bye bye.” Starbuck visits Roslin after the dream and tells her about the hybrid’s prophecy about the dying leader and the opera house. Roslin takes Baltar onto the basestar with her to talk to the hybrid. As soon as the hybrid is plugged back in it yells, “Jump!” and the basestar jumps away to some unknown place. Meanwhile on Galactica, Hera has been drawing images of Six. She runs away and Athena runs around Galactica looking for her. Hera finds Natalie as Natalie is being escorted to see Adama. Remembering her dream of Hera being taken by Six in an opera house, Athena takes out her gun, tells Tyrol to escort Hera away from Natalie and then shoots Natalie in the chest twice.

Gaeta’s leg is too far gone to save and is amputated. He comforts himself by constantly singing (good voice too). Anders (who has killed plenty of cylons on Caprica) is having an incredibly hard time dealing with the fact that he injured Gaeta so badly.

Opinion: Good stuff. I really wish Athena hadn’t shot Natalie. Also, as annoying as Gaeta is, I wish he didn’t have to lose his leg.

Quotation of the Week: We blow the hub and billions of skin jobs lose their bath privileges. – Colonel Tigh

In Two Weeks: Adama wants to leave the rest of the fleet behind and jump in search of the basestar. Lee is on another craft wondering where Galactica went. The doctor runs tests on Caprica-Six and learns something that makes Adama yell at Tigh. Adama tells Tigh he’s putting the whole ship in jeopardy because of his weakness. Tigh gets angry and punches Adama, who goes flying across the room. The fight doesn’t look like it’s over as Tigh marches towards Adama.

Before I saw this episode, my friend told me it was amazing and it would blow my mind. Well, it was good, but I’m not sure it lived up to those high expectations that I had. Here’s why, in the usual question/answer form.

WARNING: SPOILERS

How do the Six get off the island? I’m glad that this episode clarified who the six were, for those who weren’t astute enough to count themselves (Jack, Sayid, Sun, Aaron, Hurley, Kate). We flashed forward to the homecoming, which was particularly poignant since Kate had no one to greet her. Also, it’s notable that Sun didn’t hug her father, particularly since the “You kill mah baby daddy, now I take ur company,” scene appropriately came in this episode. But no, we still don’t know how these particular six get off… or why them and not the others.

Why was everyone lying to the press? It’s actually possible that every single word out of everyone’s mouth was a lie. There were only eight survivors of the crash, they were in the water for a day before they got to the island, Jin didn’t even make it to the island, Kate gave birth to Claire’s baby – all lies, every single one. What are they trying to conceal (possibly Dharma) and why? Is someone making them do this, or is it just Jack?

What happens to everyone who isn’t the Six? These people include Jin and Claire, the ones I’ve asked about before, but for whatever reason I neglected to ask about everyone else. Do all those nameless extras perish? What about Locke? And we know that Ben gets off the island, but he wasn’t on 815 — do the press even know about him? Do they actually succeed in moving the island, do some people stay?

Why does Hurley’s connection to the island seem so much stronger than everyone else’s? He’s the one who sees the numbers everyone and ends up being called crazy and hallucinating. He’s the one most unable to move on with his life. Remember earlier, when the flashbacks first started, how the general consensus seemed to be that they should never have left the island? And Hurley, of course, still being haunted by it years later, believes this the most strongly. Will the island eventually pull everyone back, through him?

Answers we got this episode: Some good ones, actually! Finally, we have the “Claire is your sister” reveal — from the look on Jack’s face, it’s apparent that they know what happened to her even though we, the audience, have no idea. It also lends an interesting layer of knowledge to the relationship between Jack and Kate from a couple episodes ago – was Jack only trying to be fatherly toward Aaron and loving toward Kate because he knows that Aaron is his nephew? We also learned how Sayid and Nadia were reunited – although seeing them together and happy at Hurley’s party only made the knowledge of her eventual murder all the more heartbreaking. The next episode, solving the multiple cliffhangers of this one, should be absolutely fantastic.

The fourth Office season finale was as satisfying as I could have hoped for. It had big shoes to fill, what with “Casino Night” and “The Job” looming in the distance, but it tied up the season in a way that left me optimistic and hungry for season five. It’s hands-down one of the funniest episodes of the season, and is definitely the episode where the most happens — did I mention the introduction of a new, awesome character? I’ll soon explain why this episode signifies a fresh start for The Office, but I’ll let the plot do the talking for now.

SPOILER ALERT!!!

In this episode, major things happen to every single character. I’ll pair up some characters and introduce one, so be prepared for that.

Ryan is arrested for fraud. It’s finally happened, but in the words of Oscar, “The real crime, I think, was the beard.”

Holly is the new HR representative, and she’s taking Toby’s job! Who is Holly? Well, we don’t know much about her, but she’s pretty much one of my favorite characters from what I’ve seen of her so far. First of all, she’s a caricature. She’s real, and she reminds me of either Jim, Pam or Karen. The only difference between her and them, though, is that she’s the most understanding and open character in the show (as far as I’ve seen). Yes, she can deal with Michael’s foolishness, and she can deal with Kevin after Dwight tricks her into thinking he’s mentally slow.

Kevin, who thinks Holly’s awkwardly generous understanding comes from her attraction to him, eventually says he wishes to “bang her”.

But Michael wants Holly, too. Not so surprisingly, he immediately falls in love with her, but takes Jim’s advice and decides to take it slow. This eventually leads to frustration, as Holly really starts digging Michael and even asks him to grab dessert with her, but he denies.

Enter Jan, who we haven’t seen since “Dinner Party”, and who runs into Kevin at the market as he looks for BBQ sauce for Toby’s going away party. She is pregnant. Uh huh. Knocked up. Apparently, it was while she and Michael were together! But, she went to a sperm bank. Weird. She sees Michael in the episode and tells him. He’s surprised, of course, but when Jan asks him to go out with her the next day, Michael turns her down! But then, later on in the episode, he says he’s going to start attending Lamaze class, so you decide.

Toby is going to Costa Rica, as we all know, but he’s being a total creep toward Pam. And she responds to him awkwardly at first, but then says she thought he was kind of cute… This is somewhat of an anomaly in the show, and it’s just really weird. If Pam’s relationship with Toby doesn’t ever escalate in any way, I’ll have to assume that the writers were just using this as filler drama, which is okay, but kind of disappointing. Anyway, “Goodbye Toby”.

Speaking of saying our goodbyes to Toby, Phyllis is the one planning this party. Yes, Angela, who refuses to plan due to Michael’s ludicrous expectations, steps down. And this is the best party in the history of The Office. There’s a bounce house, a ferris wheel, and a live band, among other things. The perfect place for a proposal…

Jim buys fireworks for the party, and makes plans on proposing to Pam there. Before I tell you what happens, it’s important to note that Pam has gotten accepted to a school of design in New York, and plans on attending for three full months. Oh yes, the proposal.

Andy decides out of nowhere that he’s going to propose to Angela, and she accepts with an “okay.”

The surprise scene at the end had to live up to the cathartic Pam-Jim kiss, and also the surprise date at the end of “The Job”. This season — Phyllis walks in on Dwight and Angela making love in the office.

Season Five, Here We Come…

Drama, drama, drama. This season finale was completely different from any other Office finale to date. Everything has changed except for Pam and Jim’s relationship, which not just something we didn’t expect, it was something we didn’t think was possible. The proposal’s build-up amounted to nothing in the end, but with all the other hot stuff brewing, office drama is at a head here.

The introduction of Holly was a great touch. Not only is she a great character, but her understanding is something that may actually make Michael a more likable guy around the office. Sure, that’s not probable, but Michael’s got Jan to worry about. Can’t help but wonder what’s going to happen to her…

Pam will be two hours away from Jim, so who knows what kind of long-distance relationship drama will unfold there. And what about Ryan? Who’s going to take his place? Oh, and let’s not forget Angela and Dwight… remember, Andy has anger management problems.

The possibilities for season five are endless, folks, and The Office is in full form. Whereas the only real drama we got from seasons one through three revolved around Pam and Jim, now everyone’s branching out. Everyone has stuff to deal with, and as things shift, we’re going to be watching something very different next season from what we’ve seen thus far.

Say hello to America’s Next full-figured Top Model. Photo courtesy of The CW.

From tranny wrecks to missing fingers, Top Model cycle 10 has given fat girls something to cry about for the last 12 weeks.

It’s come down to Whitney, the full-figured model from Atlantic Beach, Fl.; Anya, the speech-challenged nymph frorm Honolulu, Hawaii; and Fatima, the Somalian refugee with a pocket crotch.

Who will be America’s. Next. Top. Model?

*Spoiler Alert*

So, here we go. It’s model bootcamp, ladies. Let’s get fierce!

Covergirl TV commercial

Fatima: She looked amazing. Her commercial could have been for CoverGirl or for starving pro-ana teenage girls

CoverGirl Photo: I have to applaud Fatima. It was a very gorgeous photo. It kinda reminded me of Simba in the Lion King when he stands on the edge of that precipice and looks out into the African wilderness.

Whitney: I think her commercial would have widespread appeal.

Photo: Full figured billboard for a full figured model! It was ferociously fantastic and fresh.

Anya: As expected she struggled with her speaking. However, I think that Anya would have done a better job delivering her lines in Elvish than in English.

Photo: Poster child for the Sylvan Learning Center.

Panel 1: First elimination

Tyra liked Whitney’s Covergirl commercial but Paulina thought it was too Miss America, too “pageanty”. Eh, I don’t know if I agree especially since I find Paulina to be a little “botoxy” if you ask me. But the judges loved her photo, nice neck work darling.

Fatima might have done better selling toothpaste, that’s all I have to say. The judges liked the photo
but Tyra thought she could have smiled more with her eyes… then she proceeded to demonstrate.
Tyra is so full of herself and I love it.

Anya was a train wreck from her commercial to her photo. Paulina even ventured to say she looked stupid! Then again, with all respect to Anya — there’s a fine line between looking it and being it.

Lets take a brief break from talking about the models and take some advice from Tyra.

Model lesson 1:

Photographer: Be fierce, tranny! Work it!
Tyra: “Did my boyfriend call me?”
Photographer: That’s it! Smile with your eyes!
Tyra: “No he didn’t.”

First to get called, no surprise — Anya. I didn’t think she looked excited enough to be a finalist though.

Who will it be? Fatima or Whitney?

Well, let me put it this way, the loser will be singing the vagina monologues (and in her case it will lip “cinched” instead of lip synched). Sorry Fatima. You’ve made Top Model history. Be proud.

So, your two finalists are Anya and Whitney. They’re so close, it’s anyone’s game!

For the final runway show, the girls will get to do a fashion show in Versace dresses!

But before that, a Seventeen magazine photo shoot. I have to mention
I do miss Atoosa Rubenstein and her massive black hair.

Both girls did a fabulous job though with the Seventeen shoot. Let’s compare the two. If Whitney makes the cover, seventeen-year-old girls across the nation will rejoice with a triumphant feast!
If Anya wins, girls will be throwing up their lunch.

Back at the house:

Whitney reflects over her saddening past with backhanded compliments…
“No hunny, you’re not plus sized you just have big bones…really big bones.”

Runway show:

Whitney is the first juicy booty to be on that runway. Work it!

Let’s get the ladies stompin’ it to the death:

Rihanna’s twin (Saliesha) from Cycle 9 was up first and she blazed the runway. So fierce darling.

Round One!
Anya – no life, no energy. C’mon honey. Pump up the volume!
Whitney – Personality all the way. Energy and vibrance.
But she was kinda bouncy. She made her walk unique though.

Round Two!
Whitney – Ooh! Fabulous pink Versace dress.
Watch out Wal-Mart, make room for the full-figured Whitney barbies!
Anya - Her dress was amazingly delicious. But she was so stiff.

Final elimination:

The judges thought that Anya didn’t bring it as strong as she could have or as strong as she should have. Stunning nonetheless.

Tyra and Jay loved Whitney’s runway walk. On the other hand, the ever-so-increasingly bold Paulina saw Whitney as a ham on the runway. Hmm, what an interesting choice of words there. For me Paulina doesn’t understand the humorous type of criticism Janice brought to ANTM. Paulina is just plain evil,
plus she cries Botox for tears.

So,
Who striked the best pose in the pictures?
Who was fiercer than an ocelot on crank?
Who has the curves to conquer the modeling industry?

America’s Next Top Model is…

WHITNEY! Yay! America’s first Next Top Model with some junk in the trunk!

I have to clap my hands for Anya too. We’ll be seeing more of her I’m sure.

But for now Queen Latifah will have to step aside and make room for the new busty, luscious, curvaceous, and bodacious model.

Syesha failed to give voters the “Fever”, resulting in her elimination. Photo courtesy of AmericanIdol.com.

We’re one step closer to crowning the next American Idol, lucky number 7.

So let’s get rid of somebody (except that no one even needs to watch the show to find out who it is because it’s as obvious as Tyra Banks’ obsession with herself). Oh, and of course, SPOILERS!

Paula looked beautiful two days in a row. She must have switched her style soul with Sarah Jessica Parker. Or maybe just her real soul.

Simon’s chest hair made an appearance in a scandalous white shirt partially unbuttoned. I’m sure Ryan could hardly stand to wait until the commercial break.

The Idols sang “Aint No Stoppin’ Us Now.” It was beyond cheesy. Even Vanilla Ice would not approve. Maybe that’s because he’s delusional about his own authenticity, but still. Then all the young girls go crazy over David Archuleta’s weird hip-swaying. I think he’s trying to experiment with hip dislocation, but maybe that’s just me.

The cheesy, horrible performance was followed by a stupid Ford commercial with an experiment in illegal driving for David Archuleta. You must be at least 16, sweetheart. The only cars you can drive are Hot Wheels cars.

Fantasia performed with red hair and red lips, looking like some troll that plays under the bridge. American Idol should have provided subtitles. The only thing that could be understood was that passionate yelling made an appearance. Maybe she wanted to try out speaking in tongues for a while. Creative artistry and all. Except that she lost her creativity when she stole her dance moves from a crack whore trying to attract a customer in the back alley. And who was the guy? At least it was high-energy. Simon’s face at the end was priceless. This was the most entertaining three minutes in Idol history. Oh, you thought it was when William Hung sang “She Bangs” way back when? Or Scooter Girl? Or the guy in the cape singing “I Am Your Brother”? False.

Each Idol visited their home town and fans. Beautiful, precious moments happened. Pretty much Kodak all over the place, with every contestant ruining their mascara.

Tonight I learned David Archuleta is from Utah. I feel so sorry for them. Utah hardly exists as a state and now they have to be known as the state where that crying child whose speaking abilities need to be revoked is from. May 9 was declared David’s day by some guy with the most awesome mustache ever. Somebody tell Guinness to put that beautiful, sturdy handlebar in the record books.

Syesha visited her town of Sarasota, Florida. It’s nice to see her with some fans. They always show her alone to reinforce the fact that nobody likes her. Syesha received her own day too, which just so happened to be May 9 as well. Also, Syesha must be the new Oprah if people are handing her their babies. Oh, don’t even pretend like you don’t allow Oprah to police your kids. And the mayor did a handstand for Syesha. Book that lady for the next Olympics. Carly Patterson who?

David Cook is from Blue Springs, Missouri and he’s got a lot of fans. Even some that cry like they’re giving birth when he signs autographs. His brother Andrew convinced him to audition for Idol because he is a genius. Somebody knight that guy. However, David didn’t get his own day like the other Idols. Guess he just wasn’t that special. I don’t know what Blue Springs is doing with their day-giving-away opportunities. Maybe giving them to influential strippers because the only things in Missouri are exotic dance bars (if you think the Midwest is exotic) and St. Louis.

Side note: How did David Cook become so hot? Because, if your Alzheimer’s isn’t in full swing yet, you will remember that he used to look even less attractive than little David. In fact, he looked like David Bowie. Granted, that can still net you Iman, so I guess it’s not such a bad life after all.

Now, it’s no surprise who made the finale because Syesha couldn’t win fans over with a nice warehouse of cocaine. And sure enough, she was eliminated. The Idols in the finale are both named David, but they couldn’t be more different. For one thing, one aspires to reach puberty while the other aspires to became the greatest word wizard ever. Somebody needs to alert Webster he’s being challenged. Or Twista. Sometimes, I’m not sure.

Time for a sad glimpse at reality. Now that Syesha’s off the show, her dad can’t get that natural high anymore. Maybe he can look up Jason Castro and they can enjoy the clouds together.

Favorite Quotes:
“Not sure many people are going to be there.” - David Archuleta and his fake humbleness. Melinda Doolittle lessons are in order to teach some real humility.
“I struggled through drugs and alcohol for years, and this is like a natural high for me.” - Syesha’s dad; made even better by Syesha’s “Awww”. Kind of not a cute moment there, Syesha.
“What shade of red is that?” - Seacrest “I don’t know, Ryan, I just tried it.” - Fantasia

Well, see you next week when Idol picks its favorite David. Tootles!