You’re at the Keg, grinding and getting sweaty with some girl. Things are starting to get pretty hot and heavy, so you agree to go back to her place. You get upstairs, slam the door and start ripping off each other’s clothes. The hard part is over and it should be a done deal, right? Well, not always. Once the sex starts, sometimes things can go woefully wrong. Here’s a list of some common sex mishaps and how to recover from them.
1. He can’t get it up. He seemed so into it, but when it’s time to close the deal, his erection goes into hiding. What’s up? (Not him.) Erectile dysfunction can occur at any age and can be caused by many various factors.
You’ve probably heard of whiskey dick, and it’s true that alcohol or tobacco use can cause him to lose his erection. So guys, if you think this may be a problem for you, lay off the booze a little bit. Some other physical causes are diabetes, hypertension, hypogonadism (which leads to lower testosterone levels), liver or kidney failure, and even fatigue. If you cut out the booze and you’re still having problems getting an erection, you should see a doctor.
But there are some reasons that are just in your head. Feeling nervous about sex, feeling stressed about school, work, or family, feeling depressed, feeling self-conscious, or thinking that your partner is reacting negatively to you can all cause erectile dysfunction. If it’s an emotional cause, sometimes you just need to address the issue head on.
Ladies, the worst thing you can do is laugh or act disgusted. If this is a reoccurring problem in your relationship, you need to talk about it in a comfortable and supportive setting.
2. He comes too early.Premature ejaculation is uncontrolled ejaculation with minimal stimulation. It’s one of the most common male sex mishaps, and affects most men at some point in their life. It can occur with a new partner, in specific situations, or if it’s been a long time since the last ejaculation. Sometimes, a medical cause, such as hormonal problems, injury, or a side effect of certain medicines, can be the root of the problem.
But don’t worry. Unless it’s a medical condition, you can rectify the situation. It varies from guy to guy, so it can take anywhere from 0 minutes to a couple hours for you to get hard again. Fortunately for all of you at Northwestern, it’s much easier for younger guys to get erection after erection quickly. So wait a little while, and try it again!
3. She queefs. A queef is vaginal flatulence that can occur during sex, stretching or exercise. It sounds like a fart, but doesn’t involve any waste gases, and therefore doesn’t smell. It’s just air. It’s best to laugh it off or ignore it and keep going (maybe neither of you even noticed!) If you think about it, queef is a pretty funny word. So get over yourself and continue the nookie.
4. One of you pukes. If you’re drunk enough to be puking, you’re probably too drunk to be having sex anyways. But you still have to deal with the puke. Gross. If it’s a one-night stand, it’s nice — but not expected — to stay and help clean up. Don’t leave your partner tossing their cookies alone. It’s embarrassing, but go knock on a neighbor’s door, or look through their phone and call their roommate. Alcohol poisoning is serious, and sometimes the best thing to do is call an ambulance. It really is better to be safe than sorry.
5. The condom breaks. This can happen if there’s not enough lubrication, if you didn’t leave enough room at the tip for the ejaculate, or if the condom’s expired. It sucks, and it’s serious, especially if you and your partner aren’t really on a first name basis yet. But there are two things you absolutely must do:
- Ask your partner about their sexual health history. Ideally, you would have done this before getting naked, but sometimes it’s easy to overlook, especially if you’re using protection. Even if they say they’re clean, it’s still a good idea to get tested. You can do it at Searle.
- Take the morning after pill. Guys, be a gentleman and at least help pay for it. I know you won’t have to give birth, but you don’t want any mini-me’s running around out there. Emergency contraceptive can be taken up to 72 hours after unprotected sex, and is up to 89% effective. This isn’t as effective as regular birth control, such as the pill or condoms, but it’s still much better than nothing. Some side effects include nausea and spotting.
University Health Services now offers Plan B One Step, which is emergency contraception that requires just one pill instead of two. Plan B One Step costs $33 at Searle and is available without a prescription at the pharmacy except for women under the age of 17.
If you take both of these steps, and you’re both cool about it (and he’s a gentleman — seriously guys, there’s nothing sexier than a guy who opens doors and buys the morning after pill) there’s no reason you can’t get it on again some other time. Just be more careful!
Sex is fun. But sometimes awkward mishaps just happen. But that doesn’t mean you can’t laugh it off or just go with the flow and continue your randy antics. Just remember, fun is more fun when it’s safe.
Sarah Crocker is a contributor from Sexual Health and Assault Peer Education