American Idol: The Finale, Part Uno
    David Archuleta peaked at the right moment, delivering three stellar performances. Photo courtesy of

    It has come down to the Davids on Season 7 of American Idol! Let the final match begin!

    This week, Clive Owen and Andrew Lloyd Webber are the mentors, helping the guys to cause the crowd to become star-struck. Or just freaking everyone out with their intensity.

    The Idol finale (the first half, at least) was just so darn cute. Except for the heavy-weight title stuff the show kept pushing. It was like a cute-off, which is like a snap-off, only with lots of smiling. Seriously, you cannot put David Archuleta in a boxing rink. He can’t dance at all. I’m sure he has no coordination as far as punching goes, so dancing around the ring is a must. Nope, not possible. His feet do not respond to brain activity.

    But really, the Davids were all lovey-dovey with each other. They pretty much recited their vows to each other, so maybe we should plan for a wedding in the near future. Hey, they are in California, the most progressive and amazing state. Except for maybe Massachusetts.

    The wardrobe was pretty good tonight. Simon looked a little hairy, but nice, Paula was sparkly, and Randy looked well put together. David Cook looked like a hot rocker and Ryan looked the same as always. David Archuleta looked like my next door neighbor’s son dressed in clothes from the “Big Boys” section.

    Recap of the Singing (which was molten hot lava, baby). SPOILERS!:

    David Cook — First up was “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” by U2. I love the scratchiness in his voice. It’s more of it than I’ve heard before. Thank you, Clive Owen. The judges liked it. Pretty much, America has found what it’s looking for.

    Archie — The first song sang by the boy who somehow lived to make it to this point was “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down” by Elton John. It was weird to hear him sing in such a low register, but it was an excellent performance. Randy thought it was one of the best performances this season. Paula loved it. Simon thought that this may have been the best performance so far from David, and he declared him the winner of round one.

    Cook — He sang “Dream Big”. This is contemporary and I could listen to this on the radio. I liked the red lighting. It reminds me of McDonald’s… and bulls. And David Cook is a bull. Well, really a fox, but they’re in the same family. It’s fitting. The judges liked it up until Simon. Simon didn’t think it felt like a winning moment and it was a 6.5/10. They always get you with those half points. Simon could judge figure skating. He’s just that accurate.

    David Archuleta — He sang “In This Moment.” It was really good. I might buy this on iTunes. This is so sad. I am supporting a 12-year-old who has little to no concept of stage presence. Maybe I should be nicer to him because his dad is like Ike Turner crazy. And his voice is darn impressive. Randy used the phone book line again. Somebody needs to tell him he can find better pickup lines on the Internet. Paula liked it. Simon loved the egotistical lyric and he made the call again. The little brat won round two and I have to concede.

    The Last Ditch Effort also known as Mama said knock you out!:

    David Cook — He sang “The World I Know” by Collective Soul. The guitar is tender and his voice is sweet and vulnerable. He cried at the end, which was so special. It was like Special K Red Berries special. He knows how to work the sexiness, which is a great advantage over Archuleta. Oh, wait. The fan base of this show is J14 readers. Which means they’ve probably only heard of first base. Simon thought it was the wrong song for this point in the competition. He wanted David to do a repeat song, or go back in time instead of making his performances varied and diverse. I love how they preach versatility and crap, but they always put the Idols in little labeled boxes like “Rocker”, “Pop Star”, “Bad Fake British Accent While Singing”, and etc. Seriously?

    David Archuleta — He sang “Imagine” by Paul McCartney. Again. He looks like a little hobbit baby trying to open its eyes. And the ugly ensemble is not becoming of a young star. But what is becoming is a freaking amazing performance. So even though I hate little Archie more than those darn Furbies they tried to sell us as cute play things back in the good old days of childhood (98-Y2K), he deserves to win. He blew David Cook away tonight. And if he’s crowned champion, I will not be upset. Though I hope the horny 20-year-olds will come out to vote for the rocker David Cook.

    Favorite Quotes (Pretty much the Randy Show):
    “This is a duel for the King of the Nokia, baby…Drop it all. Drop it hard tonight.” — Randy
    “And unbelievably molten hot!” — Randy; I base my real-world vernacular on Randy quotes
    “You were singing your face off.” — Randy
    “For me, this whole thing is a progression. So I thought, why do something I’ve already done?” — David Cook

    Tomorrow night, we crown a champion. Or as the shows producers would prefer me to say, somebody’s getting a belt. If only it were real boxing. That might have been more entertaining than seeing a grown man be broken by a boy who needs a high chair to reach the booth at Chili’s. Well, this is it until Idol declares a new “superstar” to join the likes of Taylor Hicks and Ruben Studdard. Who ended the show because apparently he still exists in the industry. Who knew?


    blog comments powered by Disqus
    Please read our Comment Policy.