Anything But Politics #3: NBA Playoffs
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    Sad after March Madness? Don’t be, because it’s time for the NBA playoffs. Join Gabe Schmittlein and Rahul Parikh as they discuss basketball in this week’s Anything but Politics. Transcript below.

    Gabe Schmittlein: Hello, I'm Gabe Schmittlein.

    Rahul Parikh: And I’m Rahul Parikh.

    Gabe: And for NBN Audio, this is Anything But Politics.

    Rahul: Where we will talk about anything but politics.

    Gabe and Rahul: Let's get political, political, not.

    Gabe: This week we're talking NBA playoffs, because they're going on right now.

    Rahul: They are happening.

    Gabe: So we're going to be talking hometown heros,

    Rahul: getups,

    Gabe: music,

    Rahul: Space Jam, which I have not seen,

    Gabe: and of course, the hottest players.

    Rahul: Players.

    Gabe: If you know what I mean, the hottest players.

    Rahul: Like sports players. Athletes.

    Gabe: We don't really have a ton of interesting series going on right now, but one of the slightly more interesting ones is Bulls-Celtics.

    Rahul: It is.

    Gabe: Which is obv featuring our Chicago Bulls.

    Rahul: Hometown.

    Gabe: Because we're in Chicago, and well I guess my hometown, Boston Celtics, kind of, even though I'm more of a Sixers fan. And so they're tied 2-2 right now.

    Rahul: They are, it's funny because the Celtics lost both games at home, and the Bulls lost both games at home.

    Gabe: Derrick Rose was at the game today.

    Rahul: And in the sport of Chicago homegrown players, we're going to talk about the best of all time in the NBA– we have Isiah Thomas. Not the Celtics guy, talking the Pistons bad boy.

    Gabe: And this, this always trips me up. His name is spelled I-s-i-a-h. That doesn't feel like it should be pronounced "Isaiah," it feels like it should be pronounced "IZiyah." Or something like that, right?

    Rahul: Yeah, yeah you're right.

    Gabe: Yeah, a little fact check on you there. Because Rahul had Isiah written down wrong on the planning sheet.

    Rahul: It's actually funny though, because the Celtics Isaiah Thomas is actually named after the former Piston's superstar.

    Gabe: Oh! you think they just spelled it wrong? Or do you think they...

    Rahul: No, they spelled it differently on purpose, so as not to confuse the two.

    Gabe: Gotcha.

    Rahul: But yeah, Isaiah Thomas' dad lost a bet and had to name his son Isaiah Thomas.

    Gabe: So there's some other good players from Chicago, Chicago, good basketball here, I would say. Anthony Davis, Corey Maggette.

    Rahul: Who?

    Gabe: Corey Maggette.

    Rahul: The former Bobcat?

    Gabe: Is he a former Bobcat? I don't really know, oh, I guess so.

    Rahul: Oh man, that's a weird pick. I mean, Nick Anderson.

    Gabe: Oh! Little voice crack there, little voice crack. Rahul going through puberty in the studio right now.

    Rahul: It's happening!

    Gabe: Yeah, and Dwyane Wade.

    Rahul: Oh yeah, Dwyane Wade! I have a Dwyane Wade story for everyone listening. So in high school I did this weird competitive theater thing, and we would perform...

    Gabe: That is weird, that is weird.

    Rahul: It is pretty weird, but like we performed at Dwyane Wade's old high school, Richards High School, and all the award ceremonies took place in the Dwyane Wade gym. So on the floor they had those weird Dwyane Wade decals because obviously, he's loaded and gave them a bunch of money. But I just want to shout out to Dwyane Wade, my school, Lockport, which nobody knows about, showed up your school, because we beat Richards at every competition, so...

    Gabe: Way to go Lockport. Go Porters!

    Rahul: Screw you guys. Also I tweeted at Dwyane Wade, and I got a bunch of retweets, but Dwyane Wade did not reply. So, we're going to move into clothing, NBA, because Gabe's a big clothes guy.

    Gabe: Big clothes guy.

    Rahul: Big clothes guy.

    Gabe: I'm actually not, you can ask any of my friends, I'm a bad dresser.

    Rahul: He's a medium dresser.

    Gabe: I think there's kind of consensus that I'm not a great dresser. I need new shoes.

    Rahul: We're working on it.

    Gabe: So Russell Westbrook, who's one of the more interesting pieces in this year's playoffs.

    Rahul: That's one word for it.

    Gabe: He likes to wear flamboyant outfits into games. So, today he was wearing like a Hawaiian shirt that was not buttoned, and he had one of those mini scarves on that like, just sort of tied right around his neck. So that was kind of a fashion move, so I was thinking, hey Rahul, what would we wear if we were – when we’re – NBA players, when we walk in the arena. Do you want me to give my answer or do you want to give your answer?

    Rahul: I think I'll give mine first, I'm actually going to take one from Westbrook's book. Like the weirder you look, the more attention you get, and that's what the NBA is all about. That's a lie. But, Westbrook actually once wore this neon orange construction vest. I think I would def do that.

    Gabe: You think you would wear a neon orange construction vest? That's not a, Rahul, that's an outrageous idea. I’ll tell you what I would wear, probably just some like J. Crew. Some, like, khakis.

    Rahul: Nice.

    Gabe: And like a Polo shirt.

    Rahul: Fun fact, Gabe does not wear khakis currently, or Polos.

    Gabe: No, I do wear khakis! I don't wear jeans.

    Rahul: No, you wear those... what are those?

    Gabe: Cords! Oh, I'd wear some cords.

    Rahul: I told you guys, he doesn't know how to dress.

    Gabe: I’d wear like a J. Crew flannel or something.

    Rahul: I respect the flannel, Gabe does have a good flannel choice.

    Gabe: In a similar vein, I pose the question, what would our walk up song be?

    Rahul: Ooh!

    Gabe: I know my walk up song would be Timber by Pitbull and Ke$ha.

    Rahul: Mine would probably have to be Shoop by Salt-N-Pepa.

    Gabe: Is that like “Shoop, There It Is”?

    Rahul: Wait, it might not be by Salt-N-Pepa.

    Gabe: Yeah, that might not be a real song, you might have made that up.

    Rahul: No, it is, it's in Deadpool.

    Gabe: You actually may be making up that song.

    Rahul: I promise you, I'm not. It's a big Deadpool song!

    Gabe: It’s an interesting walk up song choice there. But while we're talking about songs, Rahul and I thought that, oh, you were right. For the record, Rahul is right, it's by Salt-N-Pepa.

    Rahul: Oh it is, yeah.

    Gabe: But still no clue what that song is.

    Rahul: But actually I picked the wrong “Shoop.”

    Gabe: What, how many Shoops could there be?

    Rahul: I'm talking about the shoop from Deadpool, which, is actually, nope, it's also by Salt-N-Pepa.

    Gabe: Oh my goodness, oh my goodness.

    Rahul: Yikes.

    Gabe: Rahul, you're a mess.

    Rahul: I am a mess.

    Gabe: So in a similar song-y vein, Rahul and I are big 2K guys.

    Rahul: We love 2K.

    Gabe: Like to play a little 2K once in awhile, so we were thinking 2K has some good soundtracks. What are our favorite ever 2K songs?

    Rahul: My favorite ever 2K song is actually one that not enough people know about, I should play it for you here.

    Gabe: He's actually going to sing it for us here.

    Rahul: I'm going to sing it and play it. I actually don't know the words though, so bear with me.

    Gabe: He's going to try his best.


    Gabe: Those weren't the right words.

    Rahul: No, I actually don't know the words. But, it sounds good. The song is called “The W.A.N.D.” by the Flaming Lips and I think you should go listen to it, Gabe what's your song?

    Gabe: I played a lot of NBA 2K13, which was an incredible soundtrack, had songs like Viva La Vida, Run This Town.

    Rahul: Coldplay, my fav.

    Gabe: Yeah, Coldplay was really killin’ it back in the day. “Shook Ones Part Two” by Mob II, which is a classic rap song, “Amazing” by Kanye West. But my favorite song is “Public Service Announcement” by Jay Z.

    Rahul: Are you gonna sing it?

    Gabe: (HUMS) It's a little bit of that.

    Rahul: Wow, really got a taste of the song with that.

    Gabe: Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is GABE, G to the A B E. Little bit of a remix there, ooh chicka chicka wow.

    Rahul: If we're doing honorable mentions though how about “Sirius” by the Alan Parsons Project?

    Gabe: I don't know that song either Rahul.

    Rahul: It's the Bulls theme song!

    Gabe: Rahul pullin’ all these obscure songs out of his butt.

    Gabe and Rahul: Basketball, is my favorite sport, I like the way they dribble up and down the court.

    Gabe: Alright, I know that one. Oh, which is actually a perfect segway, because you know who wrote that song?

    Rahul: No?

    Gabe: I believe Lil Bow Wow, is that Lil Bow Wow?

    Rahul: Oh, I don't know.

    Gabe: I think it might not be Lil Bow Wow.

    Rahul: It's the theme song of I think NBA 2K15.

    Gabe: It might not be Lil Bow Wow, we may be wrong on that. I may be wrong on that. But that's a perfect segway into I thought I'd talk about best basketball movies of all time. Now Rahul claims to be a big film critic guy, but he's never seen, I don't know if he's ever seen any basketball movie.

    Rahul: I have. I'll name you the basketball movies I've seen, I've seen Air Bud, big Thunderstruck fan, which is just a modern remake with Kevin Durant of Like Mike I think.

    Gabe: That's outrageous.

    Rahul: Alright, well that's your opinion. 17 Again, big basketball movie.

    Gabe: Okay, so Lil Bow Wow is the main character in Like Mike, which was the segway sort of. I was thinking Like Mike versus Space Jam, I don't know what my favorite one is?

    Rahul:I wouldn't know what to tell ya.

    Gabe: They're both timeless classics. Some people don't like Space Jam.

    Rahul: Timeless, like as in I don't have the time to watch them.

    Gabe: No, Rahul, see that's the sort of attitude that won't getcha anywhere in life. I think we're gonna sit down and I'm gonna glue you to a chair and have you watch Like Mike and Space Jam.

    Rahul: That would be very unconsensual.

    Gabe: They're both really good movies though, I might give the slight edge to Like Mike, I've watched Like Mike a lot more times, and the little blonde kid in Like Mike is really cute, so yeah. I might give the slight edge to Like Mike, but hey, Space Jam's awesome also.

    Rahul: But hey, how about the new Space Jam that's coming out with LeBron, how do you feel?

    Gabe: Are they doing that? I thought they weren't doing that.

    Rahul: I thought they were, are they not?

    Gabe: Maybe they're not, I don't think they are. But they might be, they're always talking about a new Space Jam.

    Rahul: LeBron, great actor? I don't know, I haven't seen Trainwreck.

    Gabe: I saw Trainwreck.

    Rahul: Was it a trainwreck?

    Gabe: He actually wasn't bad. The movie itself was kind of a trainwreck, yeah, but he wasn't bad.

    Rahul: That's good to hear. I don't like Amy Schumer.

    Gabe: Yeah, Amy Schumer's kind of meh for me also but we're getting a little off topic.

    Rahul: Her humor falls flat.

    Gabe: I guess we thought we'd finish up this week by talking about which NBA players we found the most attractive. I think everybody agrees with me on this, that Kyle Korver is a beautiful man.

    Rahul: I, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

    Gabe: He looks like Zac Efron.

    Rahul: NOOO, his teeth are strange, man… he's kinda creepy looking. I can see where you're coming from, but I don't think he… nooo.

    Gabe: Also, my underdog pick, I think Chris Paul's really hot.

    Rahul: Really?

    Gabe: Yeah, also I feel like he's like 6’1, 6’2, so it'd be a more manageable height, I feel like I couldn't date someone who's like 6’7, 6’8, 6’9. We're getting, 6’9, we're getting crazy.

    Rahul: 6'9.

    Gabe: Right right.

    Rahul: I see what you're saying.

    Gabe: Yeah, what about you?

    Rahul: What about me, let's see I'm a big Chandler Parsons guy.

    Gabe: Oh, Chandler Parsons, hot dude.

    Rahul: Pete Maravich, you know.

    Gabe: Pete Maravich, old, he's pretty old now.

    Rahul: Well he's actually dead, but...

    Gabe: Oh. Oh.

    Rahul: Died young.

    Gabe: I'm sorry.

    Rahul: He was like 40.

    Gabe: RIP Pete Maravich.

    Rahul: Honorable mentions, Klay Thompson, if you're looking for a little rough kind of look.

    Gabe: What's rough about Klay Thompson?

    Rahul: I don't know, it's a good look. Who else? Let's see. Derrick Rose, not a good looking guy.

    Gabe: Derrick Rose is not.

    Rahul: Joakim Noah, also not a good looking guy. Jimmy Butler looks like Matt Damon by the way.

    Gabe: I think Jimmy Butler's kinda attractive.

    Rahul: I do too! Steph Curry. Good looking dude.

    Gabe: Rahul, if you were in the NBA, would you go bald? Would you shave this luscious head of hair you have?

    Rahul: I would not, but I'm actually really scared that you bring that up because my mom's side, my grandpa is bald, and as we all know, male pattern baldness comes from the mom's side of the family.

    Gabe: We all know that, we all know that.

    Rahul: So I could be bald.

    Gabe: I think we both got pretty good heads of hair on us.

    Rahul: Well so did my grandpa, til he… and my uncle.

    Gabe: Oh noo!

    Rahul: It's not looking good!

    Gabe: Oh no, so you might be forced to go bald when you get in the NBA.

    Rahul: Maybe, yeah, when I do, it's a matter of time.

    Gabe: Hey, it happens. I don't think I would go bald, I think I would let the hair flow, let the mane out, ya know? I think people would look at me, be look, oh, you know who he reminds me of? Kyle Korver.

    Rahul: Okay, well. Yeah, I can kind of see it with the hair, yeah Gabe.

    Gabe: Thank you Rahul. But that's pretty much all we got. Oh, we missed shoutouts!

    Rahul: We missed shoutouts.

    Gabe: Oh my goodness.

    Rahul: Hey, let’s do shoutouts. Shout out to Dwyane Wade, like I said earlier.

    Gabe: Yeah, shout out to the barber that I had a while back, who kept making fun of me for being really young and said that I needed to get my facial hair under control, and now I'm thinking about getting my facial hair under control.

    Rahul: He did make you look like Kyle Korver, so.

    Gabe: Yeah, yeah.

    Rahul: That's a pro.

    Gabe: That is a pro.

    Rahul: It is.

    Gabe: You got any more shoutouts?

    Rahul: No, I mean, I just. Klay Thompson, really good looking dude. 

    Gabe: Shoutout to my dad, who already bought tickets to Guardians of the Galaxy 2.

    Rahul: That's impressive.

    Gabe: Which I think is just pretty impressive.

    Rahul: It's a good basketball movie too.

    Gabe: He wants us to do our next podcast on just straight up only on Guardians of the Galaxy so shout out to him for such an outrageous idea.

    Rahul: Well I am sorry...

    Gabe: Dave?

    Rahul: Dave...

    Gabe: Dave.

    Rahul: Dave Schmittlein, Mr. Dave Schmittlein, because I have not seen the first Guardians of the Galaxy.

    Gabe: Oh my goodness, he's not gonna be happy about that.

    Rahul: No...

    Gabe: Well, I guess that's it for this week.

    Rahul: That is it.

    Gabe: For NBN Audio, I have been Gabe Schmittlein.

    Rahul: And I am still Rahul Parikh.

    Gabe: And this is Anything but Politics.

    Rahul: Yes it is.

    Gabe: We'll see ya next time.

    Rahul: Adios.


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