Anything but Politics S.1 Ep.5: Movies
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    In this week’s Anything but Politics, Gabe Schmittlein and Rahul Parikh discuss their first movie date (it was Guardians of the Galaxy 2) and pitch some script ideas to Hollywood. Transcript below. 

    Gabe Schmittlein: Hello! I'm Gabe Schmittlein.

    Rahul Parikh: And this is Rahul Parikh.

    Gabe: And for NBN Audio, this is Anything but Politics.

    Rahul: Where we talk about anything but politics.

    Gabe and Rahul: Let’s get political, political, not.

    Gabe: So now, as of a week ago, we're on iTunes, which is awesome, so go hit us up on iTunes, you can search Anything but Politics, we should show up.

    Rahul: There's two actually, but look for the one with the new logo.

    Gabe: The new logo, the new dope logo.

    Rahul: Pretty dope.

    Gabe: So this week, we promised a special guest, special guest not happening this week, it's probably gonna be happening next week hopefully. This week, we're just gonna be talking movies because Rahul and I recently went our our first date.

    Rahul: First movie date.

    Gabe: First date of any kind, really, Rahul. But yeah, so we saw Guardians of the Galaxy 2. My dad, as all our listeners know, my dad was hype for Guardians of the Galaxy 2. I FaceTimed him Sunday, he seemed really sad. He seemed really sad, cuz I think he was disappointed.

    Rahul: Really?

    Gabe: Yeah, I think he was like, genuinely disappointed. What did you think Rahul?

    Rahul: In case you didn't know, That was my first time, I hadn't seen the first one.

    Gabe: How would they have known that, Rahul? How would they have known that?

    Rahul: Cuz we talked about it at the end of the last one. Anyways, I hadn't seen Guardians of the Galaxy 1, so I really enjoyed number 2. You know, I'd give it like a 2/5 on plot, 6/5 on humor. I laughed so much at the immature jokes.

    Gabe: You kind of have to go into it expecting not a ton of plot points.

    Rahul: I really loved Bautista's insults toward the alien woman.

    Gabe: That was a good plot point. But yeah, I think it was a funny movie, I think it was really an enjoyable movie,

    Rahul: It was very enjoyable.

    Gabe: But at the same if you go in expecting Inception, you're not gonna get Inception. You're going to Guardians of the Galaxy.

    Rahul: True. Although if you're looking for another Inception, Christopher Nolan is making a new war movie, we saw the trailer for it.

    Gabe: Yeah, we saw the trailer. I don't know what it's called. Do either of us know what it's called?

    Rahul: I couldn't tell ya.

    Gabe: Yeah, it's about WWII I believe.

    Rahul: Yeah, I think so.

    Gabe: Yeah. I know my history, Rahul. We all know this.

    Rahul: Gabe knows his history. History is a mystery, but not for Gabe.

    Gabe: It's very clear in this 'ol head.

    Rahul: So, on the topic of first dates, since Gabe and I have just had ours, best first date, well just movie date advice. Gabe, got any movie date advice?

    Gabe: I put this on here, I don't know how many movie dates have either of us been on?

    Rahul: I will admit, that was my first movie date, I'll tell ya that.

    Gabe: That was not my first movie date for what it's worth, a little humblebrag.

    Rahul: I have seen movies with people I've wanted to date, but I have never actually made it official and made it a movie date.

    Gabe: Actually you know what's kind of fun?

    Rahul: What?

    Gabe: This is actually really fun. My only other movie date, you know what movie we saw?

    Rahul: What?

    Gabe: Guardians of the Galaxy 1.

    Rahul: Noo! That's hilarious.

    Gabe: Wow, wow. Hey, life finds a way of working out, ya know? My movie date advice? Not that I'm...

    Rahul: Don't grab the person's knees when the previews are still going on.

    Gabe: Good call. Maybe a little one of those yawn and put your arm around them, that's always a sly move, I hear that.

    Rahul: Works even better if you have like, sweaty armpits at the time.

    Gabe: Does it?

    Rahul: No.

    Gabe: What's a good movie? We may not have a lot of expertise in going on first dates,

    Rahul: If you were gonna go on a first date,

    Gabe: But what's a good movie that you would choose?

    Rahul: So if the movie was too interesting, I don’t think I’d do it.

    Gabe: Right, you want a movie with kind of low commitment.

    Rahul: Low commitment, okay, that is the stereotype. Hmm, so I guess actually I saw Arrival with one of my friends and we just kind of, it was supposed to be a really good movie, but we were so distracted the whole time. We just kept making bad jokes, so I guess it wasn't a date, but if I had to go on a movie date again, I would probably pick Arrival.

    Gabe: Oh, okay, so I didn't see Arrival. For me, something like maybe Princess Bride is a movie you could sort of dip in and out of, it's good a little aspect of romance, but it's also, most of it's not super serious, it's pretty comedic, it's got some action too, for the guy. Or the girl! Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

    Rahul: Wow Gabe, you just...

    Gabe: That was actually so...

    Rahul: So un-PC for Gabe.

    Gabe: First, oh, oh my God, what a horrible.

    Rahul: Rough day for Gabe.

    Gabe: Yeah, but yeah, it's got a little bit for everybody I think, so that's good.

    Rahul: I'm surprised you didn't pick Birdman, cuz I know how much you.

    Gabe: Oh you know I love Birdman. Well see, Birdman's the movie you could really just pay attention to none of it, and have a good time.

    Rahul: Perfect movie, I guess.

    Gabe: Hate Birdman. Rahul, what're some of your favorite sequels?

    Rahul: My favorite sequels?

    Gabe: Cuz Guardians of the Galaxy is a sequel, so what would you say some of your favorite sequels are?

    Rahul: Would you count? I mean these are kind of obvious choices, but I guess the second Spider-Man, Raimi not Andrew Garfield.

    Gabe: You would go there.

    Rahul: The Dark Knight is a sequel.

    Gabe: Dark Knight has to be there.

    Rahul: I don't know, The Prisoner of Azkaban, I guess? I haven't seen a lot of...

    Gabe: Shrek 2? Can we throw Shrek 2 on the list, great soundtrack.

    Rahul: I like the original more.

    Gabe: Yeah the original's great also.

    Rahul: Ok yeah, soundtrack's good.

    Gabe: Soundtrack's very good. Anything else?

    Rahul: I guess, I haven't seen these but the LOTR movies are supposed to be really good.

    Gabe: Yeah, the second one's a good one.

    Rahul: Pirates.

    Gabe: Oh, Pirates of the Caribbean, all the, there's the new one coming out, maybe we're gonna go on our second movie date to that. Maybe. Did I just ask you out?

    Rahul: Mmm, you'll have to really work for it.

    Gabe: Okay, sounds good.

    Rahul: If we're not doing sequels, best prequels, Better Call Saul?

    Gabe: So now we're getting into TV shows Rahul, yeah. I didn't know this was the TV show podcast.

    Rahul: Alright Gabe, you're just upsetting everyone today.

    Gabe: Uh, so I guess we finish up this podcast with a little game, a game we've never tried before.

    Rahul: This is Gabe's.

    Gabe: This is my brainchild.

    Rahul: Would you like to name the game?

    Gabe: Yeah, (sings) Create a movie with criteria...

    Rahul: You just described it, that's not even a name.

    Gabe: That's how we do games on this podcast, Rahul. So basically, one of us is gonna give the other one a protagonist, an orange vegetable,

    Rahul: Yikes.

    Gabe: An action and a position.

    (Laughter)

    Gabe: Rahul put position on there, I don't know what that means.

    Rahul: I don't think I know what it means.

    Gabe: So we're gonna give the other person that and then they have to make a movie with the whole plot and everything.

    Rahul: I need a tissue, I just…

    Gabe: No you don't need a tissue, hey Rahul, keep it together. Should I give it to you first?

    Rahul: Give it to me.

    Gabe: Okay, sounds, uhhh...your protagonist is going to be Rachel, and Rachel, what should Rachel be, Rachel's a plumber. Rachel the Plumber, orange vegetable – I'm gonna go with carrot for this one, action – killing an assassin that's trying to kill her.

    Rahul: Woah.

    Gabe: And position, first base.

    Rahul: First base. Alright. So this is actually gonna be a biopic about me, so Rachel codename Rahul is in 5th grade, they're handing out yearbooks at the end of the year right? And the teacher has a list of who ordered a yearbook, and instead of Rahul it says Rachel. So Rahul doesn't get a yearbook right away, and he's like “Woah, what's happening?” and then he's like, we don't have a Rachel in our class, so the teacher's like oh, hah, joke's on me, I accidentally wrote down Rachel. So, I mean he has an identity crisis, and starts um, plumbing, to you know, bring back old shit from 5th grade, when she's older. This is really a mess.

    Gabe: I feel like this movie's gonna be selling too much.

    Rahul: And she's plumbing and plumbing and she just can't stop plumbing because she's trying to repress these memories but at the same time overcome them, right? And then one day, she plumbs an assassin's house, but while she's plumbing, she sees a yearbook, you know how when you're in the bathroom, you have a little stack of magazines? Instead of magazines, the assassin had a yearbook, and she opens up the yearbook while she's plumbing, and she's like “Woah, look at this 5th grade class, this reminds me of me!” And she has a flashback, and while she's having this flashback, she forgets that she's plumbing, and the toilet overflows,

    Gabe: Rahul, we’re gonna need to speed this up.

    Rahul: and it overflows into the assassin's bedroom, and...

    Gabe: This movie's got a runtime of like 5 hours, what's up with this?

    Rahul: Just hang on! So the assassin's bedroom is where the assassin's mother's cremated remains are, and the plumbing water goes into the cremated remains and ruins them. Ad so the assassin's trying to kill Rachel. Rachel, in self defense, launches launches the plunger into the assassin's face, and so the assassin's face gets sucked off.

    Gabe: Ohh.

    Rahul: So that's how it happens, and to celebrate, well actually, also what was stuck in the toilet,

    Gabe and Rahul: was the carrot.

    Rahul: It was the carrot.

    Gabe: Yeah, figured that was gonna come in at some point. I think you got it, I think that's the movie right there.

    Rahul: I got it, and you know, you gotta cover all your bases, and first base is killing the assassin.

    Gabe: Ohh, oh oh, that was a high five.

    Rahul: That was a high five.

    Gabe: Alright, my turn!

    Rahul: Alright, Gabe's movie idea. Let's see, your protagonist is a jewelry store owner named Randall. Randall really likes carrots as well, callback to our carrot episode. His action is robbing his own store but making it look like somebody else did it, and his position is conservative.

    Gabe: Oooooh!

    Rahul: And you can't get political.

    Gabe: Oh my goodness, how am I gonna do this?

    Rahul: Alright, go.

    Gabe: So Randall, he's having a tough week, this guy Randall. He's trying to buy a 2 karat…

    Gabe and Rahul: Ohhhhh!

    Rahul: Rightful dab!

    Gabe: Ring for his wife, Julia. Julia is really into Randall, not that that pertains to the story at all, but so Randall owns this jewelry store. So he's like "Oh, I should just get a ring from the store,” because that makes sense. But your profit margins aren't going to be great if you're just stealing stuff from your store, so he has to make it look like someone else did it. So... Position, conservative, okay. He decides that the best way to do it is to rig the election.

    Rahul: Sorry!

    Gabe: Yeah, so he rigs the election.

    Rahul: Just rip the bandaid off.

    Gabe: Yeah, he rigs the election to make it so that it's legal to wear masks in your own jewelry store, and then of course he goes in and steals the jewelry and he has a beautiful marriage with his wife with their 2 karat ring and their conservative children.

    Rahul: Quick question, is he married to Julia?

    Gabe: Yeah, Randall and Julia are married.

    Rahul: I like that.

    Gabe: It's kind've a romance.

    Rahul: That's kind've Oscar-baity.

    Gabe: It's a little Oscar-baity. It's a romance, action, comedy, fills all the genres.

    Rahul: Alright, so that was our most creative episode ever. Really got the juices flowing. We should do that more, though.

    Gabe: How did that last segment come off, give us feedback.

    Rahul: Especially Lucas, because you didn't give us any this past week.

    Gabe: Yeah, my great friend Lucas, who's our biggest fan.

    Rahul: So I guess we'll finish off with shoutouts.

    Gabe: Oh, shoot. I forgot to come up with shoutouts.

    Rahul: I don't have any either.

    Gabe: Oh! I have a shoutout. Rahul's barber.

    Rahul: I got a haircut.

    Gabe: Rahul got a haircut.

    Rahul: I surprised Gabe after our first date.

    Gabe: I walked past Rahul, didn't know it was him.

    Rahul: Fun fact, I was sitting in the library and Gabe walks by and doesn't see me.

    Gabe: So shoutout to Rahul's barber for doing such an impressive job.

    Rahul: She took 40 minutes cutting my hair.

    Gabe: That's really outrageous.

    Rahul: Really outrageous.

    Gabe: Do you have a shoutout?

    Rahul: My shoutout is to Gabe's new clothes guy, because Gabe has been dressing nicely.

    Gabe: Mmmmm! That's all the time we've got. We're going way over time right now, so love all you listeners.

    Rahul: I also love all of you.

    Gabe: Go and subscribe to us on iTunes.

    Rahul: Yes, do that. Also, check us out on Soundcloud and give our Facebook page a like.

    Gabe: Give our Facebook page a like! That would be brilliant.

    Rahul: That would be awesome.

    Gabe: For NBN Audio, this has been Anything but Politics. I'm Gabe.

    Rahul: And I'm Rahul.

    Gabe: Peace out.

    Rahul: See ya.

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