Anything but Politics #8: Homecoming
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    It’s season two, and Gabe and Rahul are back with a new format blending on the street interviews and studio banter. This week’s dose of anti-political commentary? Homecoming. Go cats! Transcript below.

    Gabe Schmittlein: Hello, I'm Gabe Schmittlein.

    Rahul Parikh: And I am Rahul Parikh.

    Gabe: And for NBN Audio.

    Rahul: This is Anything but Politics.

    Gabe: Where we talk about.

    Gabe and Rahul: Anything but politics. Let's get political, political, not.

    Gabe: So in our first episode in season 2.

    Rahul: Our Homecoming episode if you will.

    Gabe: We're gonna be talking about Northwestern’s Homecoming.

    Rahul: Eyy see what we did there?

    Gabe: We're playing Penn State this weekend, but we have a little bit of a new format, little bit of a new vibe, for what we're gonna do this year on the show.

    Rahul: Yeah, so new year new us, we're gonna be doing some on-the-street-interviews this year as well as bringing on a lot of guests, so every week we'll switch off with that format.

    Gabe: Yeah so we're gonna be getting the word on the street.

    Rahul: Getting the blood pumping.

    Gabe: Getting the pulse of the nation.

    Rahul: We're gonna run this town.

    Gabe: We're gonna be getting the feel of the time.

    Rahul: Mmm, grassroots mobilization.

    Gabe: We're gonna be getting the vibes of the vicinity, even.

    Rahul: Let's add insult to injury.

    Both: Transition music

    [Transition music plays.]

    Michael Pettis: My name is Michael Pettis, and I am class of 2018.

    Gabe: So, do you know what this weekend is?

    Michael: This upcoming weekend? I've heard it's Homecoming weekend.

    Gabe: It is Homecoming weekend.

    Rahul: It's also Simon Cowell's birthday.

    Gabe: Which is big for us. So do you know who we're playing for the big game?

    Michael: Penn State's coming to town aren't they?

    Gabe: Yeah, Penn State’s coming to town, so we're gonna play a little weird association, we're gonna say a word, you say first thing you think of. Penn State.

    Michael: Ooh, man there's some heavy stuff with Penn State isn't there. I don't know if I wanna play this game.

    Rahul: Okay, let's word associate football.

    Michael: Football? Cats.

    Gabe: Cats, Go Cats.

    Michael: Go Cats!

    Gabe: Do you know what a Nittany Lion is?

    Michael: A Nittany Lion? It's a lion that struggles against Northwestern, right?

    Gabe: That's big time. Who's your fav player on the Northwestern football team?

    Michael: Northwestern? Gotta be Justin Jackson. Ever since Carr graduated, yeah.

    Gabe: Yeah yeah, of course.

    Rahul: So there's some construction going on on Sheridan Road right now as you know, and because of that, the Homecoming parade got canceled. What do you want to say to Morty about that?

    Michael: I wish I had known there was a Homecoming parade the first three years I was here so I could be madder about this being canceled.

    Rahul: That's fair.

    Gabe: And finally, do you have any fun Homecoming stories from like high school or anything like that?

    Michael: Haha, no, I was boring and I continue to be boring. I don't know, highlight of Homecoming in high school was I got a date one year, that was a highlight.

    Gabe: Oh, good for you! That's, hey, that's 90% of the battle right there.

    Michael: It was a platonic date though so I don't really know, does that count?

    Rahul: Yeah, it counts.

    Michael: Definitely counts, what am I saying it counts.

    Gabe: Alright well this has been a very fun interview, thank you.

    [Transition music plays.]

    Ally: My name's Ally, I'm a sophomore in Medill.

    Gabe: Do you know what next weekend is?

    Ally: Homecoming?

    Gabe: It is Homecoming, some people say Simon Cowell's birthday.

    Ally: I'm sure some do.

    Gabe: Do you know who we're playing?

    Ally: Penn State.

    Rahul: Alright, let's do some word association. When you hear Penn State what comes to your mind?

    Ally: Blue.

    Gabe: Blue? Okay. Do you know Penn State's mascot?

    Ally: No...

    Gabe: So, it's a nittany lion. Can you give me your best guess what a nittany lion is?

    Ally: A type of lion?

    Gabe: It's a type of lion, it's a type of lion, you got it. Who's your favorite football player on the Northwestern football team?

    Ally: Clayton Thorson.

    Gabe: Do you have a worst or best Homecoming story?

    Ally: Last year on Homecoming, I stood on the field most of the game.

    Rahul: For what?

    Ally: My friend is friends with Morty.

    Gabe: That's not that fun, that's not that fun.

    Ally: It's not that fun.

    Gabe: So usually, there's a parade for Homecoming, it got canceled this year.

    Ally: Right.

    Gabe: Due to the Sheridan Road construction. Do you want to say anything to Morty, about the Sheridan Road construction? Do you have any thoughts on the Sheridan Road construction?

    Ally: Yeah, I think it sucks.

    Rahul: Choice words.

    Ally: I also think it sucks.

    Gabe: Thank you Ally.

    Ally: I'm sorry.

    [Transition music plays]

    Daniel Juardo: My name's Daniel Juardo, I'm a sophomore at Northwestern.

    Gabe: Do you know what next weekend is?

    Daniel: It's Homecoming, right?

    Gabe: It's Homecoming. It's also Simon Cowell's birthday, we think that should be a big celebration. So do you know who we're playing for Homecoming?

    Daniel: Penn State, yeah?

    Gabe: Penn State! So we're gonna play a little game

    Rahul: Some word association, what's the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the words Penn State?

    Daniel: Fuck...

    Gabe: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, that's the one.

    Rahul: Do you know what a nittany lion is?

    Daniel: No.

    Rahul: Can you give me a guess?

    Daniel: A what?

    Gabe: A nittany lion. What does it sound like?

    Daniel: I have no idea.

    Gabe: Yeah, it's a type of lion.

    Rahul: Yeah, when in doubt rhyme it out.

    Gabe: It's Penn State's mascot, it's a type of lion. Do you have a favorite player on the Northwestern football team?

    Daniel: No, but if I had to choose one, it's ya boy, Justin Jackson.

    Rahul: Ya boy, haha.

    Gabe: You don't have a favorite player, but if you had to choose, just to make that clear.

    Rahul: So, as you know, there's been a lot of construction on Sheridan Road, and as a result, the Homecoming parade got canceled. What do you have to say to Morty about that?

    Gabe: Yeah, I want you to talk to us like we're Morty.

    Rahul: Look Gabe in the eyes as if he was Morty.

    Gabe: Give me a piece of your mind. You can swear if you want, you already sweared once, you've broken that seal.

    Daniel: Yeah, that was my bad. No I mean, it doesn't really bother me. Homecoming parade was whatever to me last year, but I think it's just a little bump in the road, maybe it'll be better. It's for the long road, you know?

    Gabe: Okay.

    Rahul: Very… philosophical.

    Gabe: Interesting. And we have one final question, do you have any funny, or fun – or sad, even – Homecoming stories from high school?

    Daniel: High school. Hahahah. Umm, fuck, my sophomore year, we went to Homecoming and I was with this girl.

    Gabe: Ooh, good for you, congrats.

    Daniel: No, she just, she didn't wanna dance and shit, so it was just really awkward, and she made me take her home thirty minutes in.

    Rahul: Oh, that's really rude.

    Daniel: I was like alright, but night ended with tacos.

    Gabe: So it's a win.

    Rahul: That's the way you wanna end the night.

    Gabe: Alright, well thank you! This was a great interview.

    [Transition music plays.]

    Jason Kwon: Jason Kwon, McCormick, sophomore.

    Gabe: Do you know what this coming weekend is?

    Jason: I do not.

    Gabe: You don’t?

    Rahul: Take one guess.

    Gabe: Yeah, take a guess.

    Rahul: Or two, maybe.

    Gabe: And don't guess Simon Cowell's birthday cuz we've already had that. Also, not Vladimir Putin's birthday cuz we also, it's not that either. At least that's not what we're looking for.

    Jason: Is it like a holiday? Someone's birthday?

    Gabe: It's Homecoming, come on!

    Jason: Oh it is? I'm sorry.

    Gabe: Do you know who we're playing for Homecoming?

    Jason: Penn State I believe?

    Gabe: Yeah, we're playing Penn State.

    Jason: I don't imagine it's gonna go very well, but...

    Rahul: Speaking of not going very well, let's do a little word association. What comes to mind when you hear Penn State?

    Gabe: First thing.

    Jason: Probably Joe Paterno.

    Rahul: Joe Paterno!

    Gabe: There it is, there it is.

    Jason: Or Jerry Sandusky.

    Gabe: Oooh, Jason.

    Rahul: Too soon.

    Gabe: Don't get too wild with it.

    Jason: They're both pretty guilty, one's really guilty and the other one's also pretty guilty.

    Rahul: Well, that's kinda political, so we'll talk about that another time.

    Gabe: We're gonna leave that part out, but probably not. Do you know what a nittany lion is?

    Jason: I'm imagining it's a special subspecies of lion?

    Gabe: Who's your favorite player on the Northwestern football team?

    Jason: Favorite player?

    Gabe: Yeah.

    Jason: He hasn't been really doing much recently, but probably Justin Jackson.

    Gabe: Okay, yeah, yeah.

    Rahul: Throwing some shade there.

    Gabe: Yeah.

    Jason: I don't think it's his fault.

    Gabe: I don't either.

    Jason: I think it's just sometimes games don't go very well.

    Gabe: Offensive line's been struggling a little bit, maybe? I'm trying to get you to call out the offensive line right now, can you call out the offensive line for me right now? Maybe it'll give them some motivation because they're going to be listening to Anything but Politics.

    Jason: I don't really want to, I don't like calling people out.

    Gabe: Okay, okay, okay.

    Rahul: Interesting, so as you know there's been a lot of construction on Sheridan Road. and as a result the Homecoming parade was canceled. What do you have to say to Morty about that?

    Gabe: Talk like you're talking directly to Morty. You can swear if you want.

    Rahul: Look me in the eyes, as if I were Morty. 

    Jason: Morty, come on man.

    Gabe: That's what you're going to say to him?

    Jason: I like Morty.

    Rahul: You have one moment with him and that's what you choose to say?

    Jason: I mean, like, he has to pull through. He's clearly not pulling through.

    Rahul: Okay but say it to me.

    Jason: Say it to you?

    Rahul: As if I was Morty.

    Jason: Morty pull through.

    Rahul: Thanks, okay, that was good.

    Gabe: Our final question, do you have any funny Homecoming stories from high school, or anything sad?

    Jason: Oh man, I feel like Homecoming court was kind've treated like a joke, so I always felt bad for some of the guys that got nominated, because people were just making fun of them.

    Gabe: Were you ever nominated? I bet you were nominated.

    Jason: I was not.

    Rahul: Really?

    Jason: I was not. I don't think I was well known enough.

    Gabe: This interview is fake news he was definitely nominated.

    Rahul: Look at this guy.

    Jason: I was definitely not nominated.

    Gabe: Alright thank you for this interview.

    Gabe: So that's how Northwestern feels about Homecoming, I guess so.

    Rahul: So we're going to wrap this one up with some shoutouts.

    Gabe: As we always do.

    Rahul: Like old times. Gabe what do you got for us?

    Gabe: My first shoutout is to CNN. CNN, without our knowledge, apparently purchased our intellectual property.

    Rahul: But they didn't pay us for it.

    Gabe: They didn't pay us for it, so congratulations to them. They now have a segment, a daily segment, called "Anything but Politics," so we're now part of CNN. Congratulations to us, a little pat on the back.

    Rahul: Yeah, they bought us for free.

    Gabe: So congrats. A shoutout really to them and to us, for now being on CNN.

    Rahul: And shoutout to intellectual property theft.

    Gabe: Yep.

    Rahul: Shoutout to Austin Carr, speaking of football, for getting onto two NFL teams! First the Patriots in the preseason, and now the New Orleans Saints.

    Gabe: Yeah good for him, he's got a beautiful voice also I hear.

    Rahul: Does he?

    Gabe: Yep. My last shoutout, or second shoutout, and last, is to big J journalism, all the big J journalists out there, who over the summer held down the big J journalism fort while Anything but Politics was on hiatus, so thank you, you guys, but we don't need them anymore. Anything but Politics is back, but thank you big J journalists. Alright, this has been Anything but Politics.

    Rahul: I am Rahul.

    Gabe: And I am Gabe.

    Gabe and Rahul: See you next time!

    Rahul: In two weeks.


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