ASG write-in candidate opts for a sex change

    In Uncorrected, our weekly series, we hunt for the media’s recent misprints — and imagine the possibilities in a world where the errors are reality.

    On Wednesday, April 15, 2009, a North by Northwestern graphic incorrectly stated that Vickie Humps had garnered 0.4 percent of the votes in the first round of the Associated Student Government presidential election. The write-in candidate’s name is in fact Dickie Humps.

    After years of tireless campaigning as the leading write-in candidate for ASG elections, presidential candidate Dickie Humps came up with a new campaign tactic to appeal to the female voter base: a sex change.

    “Women have been notoriously absent from prominent ASG posts for years, and I intend to change that,” said the 2006 alumnus, who now prefers to go by the name Vickie Humps. “By going through this transition to become a woman, I am actually saying ‘yes, we can make a difference’ and I want women at Northwestern to know that someone is there to represent their interests.”

    Mother Russia, another prominent write-in candidate over the years, ran alongside Humps.

    “I feel that we both have experience being ASG outsiders, and we believed that our combined forces could really get us ahead in this election,” Russia said.

    The Vickie Humps-Mother Russia ticket ran on a platform of change, describing the student organization as “ineffective” and “boring.” The main goal of the team was to achieve gender parity in the student senate. Vice presidential candidate Mother Russia also discussed plans to commandeer the Norris Book Store.

    College Feminists, Rainbow Alliance and the Russian Student Association had already endorsed the candidates.

    But other presidential candidates decried Humps’s sex change as a violation of campaign rules.

    “This is nothing more than a cheap publicity stunt,” said presidential candidate and Medill junior Bill Pulte. “I’m appalled, and I hope the election commission will do something about this.”

    Members of the election commission were unavailable for comment on the issue.

    On Wednesday night, Humps was pacing up and down her dorm room, waiting for a call to announce the results.

    “I’ve mostly relied on word-of-mouth for my campaign, but I’m pretty confident,” she said. “I’m obviously the most experienced when it comes to campaigning, and I’m sure this year students have realized how far I’m willing to go for this.”

    At 10:30 p.m., Humps’ phone rang. Russia, the only other person in attendance, held her breath as Humps emitted a series of “okays.”

    “I only got 0.4 percent of the votes,” Humps fumed, closing her flip phone in rage. “I used to score more votes than other candidates. This election was obviously rigged by some sexist, capitalist pigs.”

    “This shows this school is not ready for us,” Russia added, visibly upset. “But you can count on people always being unhappy with ASG. We’ll be back again next year.”


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