Corporate ho? Tennis ho? Why do we all want to look like prostitutes?

    Years from now, anthropologists will be be sifting through cached remnants of Facebook and Evite and wondering why every college girl wanted to look like a sex worker.

    It’s certainly convenient. “Ho” is a pretty easy word to rhyme in your catchy event name: CEOs and Corporate Hos, or Golf Pros and Tennis Hos, or even GI Joes and Barbie Hos. Who doesn’t want the excuse break out the miniskirt and hooker boots every other weekend?

    Should this sign be on Sheridan Road?

    Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we keep trekking up to frat row in painful shoes and hardly enough clothing for a summer day, let alone subzero windchill? Why do we keep wanting to call ourselves hos?

    Maybe you’re donning your best sexy secretary outfit because hey, you’re hot, it’s your body, and what better Friday night ego boost than leaving a trail of drool behind you on your way to the jungle juice. Women’s sexuality is getting more and more complicated, and how else are we supposed to access our sexual selves? After all, if we masturbate or have sex, people think we’re actually slutty, rather than just costume-slutty. Doesn’t it seem that way sometimes?

    It does take a certain degree of self-confidence to put it all out there. And if you’re confident and it makes you feel sexy and empowered, then by all means, go ahead, dress up like the most scandalous Barbie doll on this side of the deluxe dreamhouse. Maybe it’s not about society or gender roles and you just want to feel hot.

    But make sure that’s why you’re doing it.

    Sure, you have great legs and a push-up bra and you can totally rock that tennis ho outfit. But the fact that you set out rummaging through your closet to find the sluttiest outfit possible — doesn’t it make your inner feminist rankle, just a tiny bit?

    You know, that inner feminist that you generally don’t talk about much because it might make that cute frat boy think that you don’t shave your legs or something, which you’re totally not about because ew, gross, leg hair and you don’t want to castrate anyone or anything. But that doesn’t mean you want to be dehumanized either. Being half-naked isn’t the only way to be sexy.

    If you’re cutting up your kid brother’s camouflage t-shirt so you can be the hottest GI Joe out there just because you want validation from drunk college guys, that’s probably not the healthiest route to take. Dress slutty because you already think you’re hot, not because you’re desperately seeking affirmation that someone out there finds you attractive.

    If you want to say “go ahead, objectify me,” there’s nothing wrong with that, but you have to realize that in this context, no one’s going to want to see your best lace thong because they think you’re great at math. And if “go skanky or don’t go at all” is your motto, go ahead, keep it along with the stripper heels. But do it for you.


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