Greetings, earthlings. It is I, your resident “wannabe stoner.” I always keep a stash of cannabis in my room but do not smoke it nearly enough because I live under the patriarchal, oppressive eye of my RA and Northwestern University. Also, I wouldn’t get jack shit done if I was constantly high. Alas, 4/20 is a cherished holiday in my calendar, as it is the one day I dedicate to marinate in my love of marijuana.
The first time I celebrated 4/20, I wrote a very detailed journal recounting my hallucinations about a dolphin I swear I saw on my high school’s football field. Last year, I spent all of 4/19 and 4/20 in the sweet embrace of Mary Jane, watching a dealer prepare packages for the holiday and wrapping up the evening by smoking through a vintage gas mask. That being said, I thought I’d give some suggestions for you Wildcats to celebrate this glorious day after you smoke that Good Kush.
1. Get into a Facebook fight with trolls in the comment sections of more radical news outlets/groups. I suggest Breitbart or the Flat Earthers official Facebook group.
2. Spin around in the revolving doors of Kellogg until you reach Nirvana.
3. Go to town on an adult coloring book. Or a regular one. Spiderman is way fucking cooler than giant flowers anyway.
4. Attend a class of the opposite major than yours, and participate. Pretend you’re the master of MatLab in a Mccormick class if you’re from SESP, or attend a theater class and IMPROVISE, you thespian.
5. Write a novel about your cherished time at Northwestern. Mine would go something like: “Fuck this, it’s 35 degrees in April, fuck this.”
6. Cook with the groceries you’ve had in the back of the fridge for two weeks and haven’t felt like eating. Leftover easter candy paired with that make-your-own pad thai kit you swore you were gonna use will taste like it came from a 5-star Michelin restaurant.
7. Google photos of baby animals to cry and hopefully restore your faith in humanity.
8. Write letters to your Congressman.
9. Meditate on the meaning of life, or the first thing that comes to your head. I once spent a wonderful 40 minute trip deliberating about Yankee Candles.
10. Go outside, walk around campus and try to enjoy nature even though it’s dying and there’s snow everywhere. Perhaps pretend you’re Buzz Aldrin landing on the fucking moon and move in slow motion.
11. Invent your own perfume by collecting different things you find outside on this walk and rubbing them on yourself. Capture the smell of Kresge+Bobb+the obscure art building on the edge of campus.
12. Go to Whole Foods and eat all the free samples available
13. Spread the word that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer. Put flyers up at Norris.
14. Join a religion online or get your priest certification. I can recommend the religion of the Jedi as a particularly welcoming group.
15. Apply for one of the newly vacant positions at Northwestern. Wanna be the new Women’s Swimming Coach? Or the Dean of Medill? We have jobs for everyone!
16. Do your social science readings and write down your thoughts for your discussion on Tuesday. Email your TA your thoughts ahead of time, if you feel so inclined.
17. Listen of all of SZA’s “Ctrl” and get mad all over again that she didn’t win a Grammy.
18. Make your own door decorations for all your neighbors on your floor and hang them up.
19. Go to Cane’s to satisfy your munchies cravings and also scare Loyola kids.
20. Do a naked polar plunge in the Lakefill.