New Girl: "Fluffer"
    Photo courtesy of FOX.

    Recap: season two of the ever-so-quirky New Girl picked up last week with two new episodes. In the season opener, Schmidt finally gets his penis cast off and throws a huge danger themed party—err, “rebranding event,” at which he meets Cece’s new boyfriend, who looks like he accidentally wandered off the set of The Big Bang Theory. Jess is laid-off from her teaching job. After briefly spiraling into a depression, she goes “off the grid” at Nick’s urging and, when accidentally mistaken at a bar as a handsome stranger’s blind date, just rolls with it and impersonates a dancer named Katie. Nick meets his future self who, although turns out to be a crazy, homeless man, gives some pretty good advice. Winston does very little besides providing the occasional comic relief and hot sister for Schmidt to unsuccessfully hit on.

    On to this week’s episode: Jess continues her sex-filled, emotionally detached relationship with handsome-blind-date-stranger Sam. Unsure how to handle a relationship without feelings and full of meaningless sex, Jess seeks the counsel of her three roommates. The problem, Schmidt suggests in between bursts about his love for Kanye West, is that Jess isn’t used to jumping into relationships; she needs to be eased in, wined and dined. In an effort to make Jess more comfortable with her hook-up status with Sam, Schmidt proposes that he, Winston and Nick accompany Jess on a large non-sexual friend group date to satisfy her craving for romance.

    As Nick sits waiting for the rest of the guys in a swanky restaurant, he calls Schmidt up to find out where he is. As it turns out, Schmidt is standing outside the same club as Kanye West, and has dragged Winston along with him in an effort to prove that he is capable of befriending black people as a sort of Kanye-bait. Just as Nick is about to bail, Jess walks in, dressed to the nines and looking like a straight ten. Outside the club, Winston’s big reveal for the episode is that he and Shelby haven’t had sex in three weeks, and he spends the majority of the episode staring off into space, imagining sexual encounters with every woman he sees. Schmidt and Winston eventually con their way inside by convincing the bouncer that Schmidt is one of presidential candidate Mitt Romney’s sons. Winston and Schmidt run into Cece inside the club, and Winston questions Schmidt’s true motives for being there. Just as Cece confronts Schmidt, an attractive woman approaches him under the premise that he is a Romney. Schmidt quickly has his “security,” Winston, remove Cece from the situation, and reaps the wonders of impersonating “Tug” Romney.

    Nick and Jess have an adorably wonderful time on their “friend” date, drunkenly passing a smuggled-in thermos of white wine to each other. Jess gets a text from Sam, and leaves in the noble pursuit of ass, leaving Nick at the restaurant alone. The next morning, after Nick agrees to go to IKEA with Jess, Winston observes that Nick is becoming Jess’ emotional fluffer (a term borrowed from porn), or stand-in boyfriend, minus all the sex stuff. Nick confronts Jess about his fluffer status, which explodes in a fight.

    Schmidt continues his charade as Tug with a bunch of coed Kappas for Romney, which ultimately devolves into Schmidt using Mitt Romney as an imaginary, ideal stand-in father figure due to his daddy issues, which is both hilarious and touching. Jess and Nick make up (of course), and agree to be friends. Nick gives Jess a fluffer mixtape to play during sex, giving Jess the emotional relationship she needs.

    Overall, New Girl delivered a solid episode. The blow out between Nick and Jess over his friendzone status wan inevitable, but was quickly resolved (for now). I for one hope that relationship doesn’t devolve into just another one of those “will they, won’t they, they do!” type relationships present on just about every other television sitcom. New Girl can do better than that. As long as I have my weekly helping of Schmidt though, I could honestly care less about the rest of the cast. Everything that man says is hilarious and wonderful, and he can do no wrong.

    Winston: “Can you please explain the belt Schmidt?”
    Schmidt: “It’s after labor day, I’m wearing whales.”

    Schmidt: “Befriending Kanye is the most efficient way for me to jump social strata. Now all I have to do is meet him and dazzle him to the point where we’re each other’s last call before bed. Yo, what up, K? Yeah, I’m just going to sleep. You watching Fallon? That brother’s crazy.”

    Schmidt: Okay all-knowing Indian god, Ganeesha. This is about sex. You know they have Romney Olympics every summer at the lake house? I bet that’s a hoot. I bet that’s like the real Olympics only the white people win the sprints.

    Yes, all of my quotes are from Schmidt, and I would include more if I could.


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