In the wake of the Golden Globes, there are questions to be answered. How did Argo win best picture? How does one become best friends with Jennifer Lawrence? How hungover was Leonardo DiCaprio on Monday morning? But most importantly: Why did it take this long for Amy Poehler and Tina Fey to host an awards show together?
Poehler and Fey have been good friends since their improv days in Chicago, and they worked together seamlessly on Sunday evening. Now, none of us know what to do in the wake of such perfect porn jokes, such perfect comedic timing.
It all begs the question, what would some other celebrity duos hosting awards shows be like, and who would we even want to see?
Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert
Colbert and Stewart have been working together in comedy for years, and The Colbert Report is a spinoff from The Daily Show. These two were clearly made for each other. In your wildest, weirdest fantasies, Stewart and Colbert would host every single awards ceremony for the rest of time, alternating with Fey and Poehler. These two nerds would bring the house down. Colbert would make strategic references to The Lord of the Rings. Stewart would do awful, endearing impressions of celebrities. They would probably sing at one point or another. And just like this past Sunday night, Bill Clinton would inexplicably make a cameo.
Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet
These two have shared a special bond ever since their Titanic days. So if they can’t get married to each other, can they at least host an awards show together? Winslet would be charming, British and beautiful. DiCaprio would make half-serious, passive-aggressive quips about how he never wins anything. The Titanic jokes would be endless. I’m talking unsubtle references to “My Heart Will Go On,” the curtain opening to Winslet and DiCaprio holding each other at the front of some ship and “You jump, I jump,” being thoroughly incorporated in the monologue.
Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Deschanel and Gordon-Levitt met in 2000 while working on Manic and later worked together on (500) Days of Summer. Gordon-Levitt can certainly host a show, as proven by his memorable hosting stint on Saturday Night Live where he ran up a fucking wall during his monologue. I don’t know if I can appreciate Deschanel’s specialness, but the two of them would certainly make a cute duo. There would be ukuleles in the inevitable musical number, along with some well-coiffed bangs.
Mindy Kaling and B.J. Novak
They wrote for The Office together, dated on and off and still write adorable tweets to one another. Kaling and Novak are kind of like the less famous, nerdier versions of DiCaprio and Winslet, except there’s still a little hope for these two. The two of them would make cynical, startlingly accurate observations about the nominees. The self-deprecation would know no bounds. Oh, and there would be no singing.
Brad Pitt and George Clooney
God, your mom would be all over this. And you would, too.