Five items you need to survive a one-night stand

    Photo by the author / North by Northwestern

    You know that painkillers and condoms are your friend; for the sake of your health, some things should be obvious to have if you anticipate finding yourself in bed with a stranger the next morning. Though leftover Sex Week supplies of Durex may imply that love gloves are your only necessity, there are quite a few little things you might not want to forget. Here’s a list of items you may have overlooked when preparing your one-night stand survival pack.

    A morning snack

    You wake up hungry. Lying in bed, you doubt whether or not you should stay until your hookup wakes up and offers you some coffee or a trip to Clarke’s. But if you had a some sort of portable snack — a Clif Bar, for example — your problem is no more. But why avoid the most important meal of the day with the least important person in your life? Breakfast with your hookup leaves you vulnerable to small talk and sober conversation, which may lead you to realize that he or she collects unicorn sculptures or enjoys watching syndicated episodes of American Idol on weekends. Don’t forget that your snack of choice will also replenish all those nutrients you burned up during sexy time. So before you hit up the frat house on Friday night, stop by the conveniently placed Lisa’s Café to nab one of these organic foodgasms.

    Extra bra/underwear

    One of the worst situations is waking up only to find that your boxers have somehow ended up in some inaccessible nook, or your panties in an unreachable cranny. Hanging from the ceiling light, perhaps. Or worse, your bra is pinned halfway under your hookup. The best way to get out of this situation? Carry an extra bra or pair of underwear in your survival pack. You’ll exit the premises with a fresh pair of undergarments, and you’ll leave your one-night stand with a hard-earned memento.

    Tide to Go

    Northwestern busy-bodies have a decent chance of having work or an appointment the next morning. You might not have time to go back to your place to get a change of fresh clothes. Though a decent one-night stand pack stand will already have deodorant to mask your musty scent, there’s a possibility that you’ll need to deal with some sort of stain on your clothes from the night before. Whether it’s from some sexy ketchup foreplay or the result of bodily fluids, Tide to Go is a great way to get rid of unwanted stains.

    A pair of flip-flops

    When getting dressed the night before, you probably wanted to look good with a new pair of heels or kicks you just laced up. But walking home in stilettos or shoes drenched from Natty Light might not be the most comfortable situation to be in. Your footwear might have been the finishing touch to your outfit, but you won’t be as pleased when you realize you’re at Ridge and Davis, you have to walk all the way back to Elder, and have no cash to call a cab. Invest in a cheap plastic pair of thongs for the walk of shame home — your feet will appreciate it.

    A flask of whiskey

    This might just save your sanity. You’ve woken up to the sunlight poking through the small Bobb window right above you, but you have a splintering headache. Quite possibly, you turn over and the person you went home with looks nothing like what you thought they did the night before. Solve these misfortunes with a little morning drinking! Flush your problems away with the contents of your container. After a bit, your headache may begin to fade into the same state of tipsy stupor from the night before. Keeping a flask handy will not really solve anything, but will at least make you feel a bit better about the previous night’s exploits.


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