So I’m back after a nice little hiatus. And so is GG, although I’m sorry to say I was unable to recap the past couple episodes. They were good ones too, very dramatic and spoiler-ific. Bart died in a spectacular Caleb Nichol-esque fashion, Chuck became crazy quasi-suicidal, and we finally found out Lily’s big secret: she and Rufus have a secret love child. Rather obvious, I thought, but still fairly scandalous. Some other big updates:
• Nate and Vanessa are dating.
• Jenny’s back in school but isn’t interested in being cool.
• Chuck’s sketchy Uncle Jack’s in town, and he apparently hooked up with Blair on New Years? Sketchy. Well he’s here to “take care of his nephew;” we’ll see how well that goes.
• Dan and Serena are finally back together! Too bad they share a sibling.
• Oh and Rufus and Lily are off on a search for their missing love child. But don’t worry, they’re not romantically involved…yet.
I wish I had full recaps up for those eps, they were priceless. But oh well, moving on. The big plot point of Monday’s episode was the reading of Bart’s will. Which should be interesting, given the reading of Caleb’s will on The O.C. led to emotional breakdowns, physical beatdowns and financial meltdowns. So pretty much we’re guaranteed something’s going down.
• Reading of the will: Chuck and Uncle Jack turn up for the reading, with Blair and Nate tagging along for support. Kind of awkward though, given the Jack/Blair encounter. So Jack’s named Chuck’s legal guardian, which Chuck is okay with since Jack is essentially Chuck in 10 years. Then in a total Schwartz move, it turns out Bart left a letter for Chuck, which he does not want to read, but randomly lets Blair read aloud. We find out that Bart believed in his son and is bequeathing the majority share of his company to Chuck. Chuck doesn’t want it at first, but after some convincing by Blair and reading his father’s last words, he decides he wants to take up the company and do something his father would be proud of. Jack does not look pleased.
• Chuck/Blair: So Blair tries to be there for Chuck, but she keeps denying that they’re anything more than friends (right). Things seem to be going well between the two, but Jack the conniver starts his plan to sabotage Chuck completely. He pits the two against each other by using reverse psychology to convince Chuck to get smashed and hook up with hos instead of being with Blair. He then gets Blair to set up a surprise brunch for Chuck and invites members of the company board, who end up seeing Chuck in a drugged up state with said hos. Blair sees too and is incredibly hurt, and even more so when Chuck lashes out at her for setting up the brunch in the first place (more of Jack’s reverse psychology). Eventually Jack comes clean to Chuck, revealing that Bart had put a morality clause in Chuck’s inheritance of Bass Industries. If Chuck behaves in an immoral way, the board has the right to hand ownership of the company over to his guardian: one conniving Jack Bass. Chuck tries to apologize to Blair, with flowers even, but she’s had enough and pushes him away.
• Dan/Serena: Dan knows the big secret but can’t tell Serena due to parental rights. So he’s been avoiding her which makes people suspicious. Well the Ho-Co. (as I will now refer to Blair’s underlings because they’re pointless and annoying) decides to put a GG hit on Dan to find out who he’s cheating on her with. Well fricking Nelly Yuki stalks Dan and steals his phone in a creepy bitch move, which ends up revealing the secret to the Ho-Co. So the secret ends up on a GG blast, which majorly freaks Serena out. Not to mention Eric and Jenny, who make a creepy siblings comment. Way to make S feel better guys. Eventually D/S decide that no matter what, they want to try and work through it because they want to be together. Plus they have Russian literature and Clueless to use as forerunners to their weird quasi-non-incest. I for one, am glad that they did not decide to do another breakup after barely being together, which would’ve been super lame.
• Rufus/Lily: They’re in Boston looking for their kid, but they can’t find him unless he signs up to be found (he didn’t). They end up hooking up (again) and have a meeting with the adoptive father. He drops the bomb that their son died last year in a sailing accident, but it’s okay because he lived a happy life. So Rufus and Lily return sad but content, where they are greeted by their weirdly happy children. Well the dead child would have been a total cop-out, deus ex machina that allowed D/S to date without it being super sketchy. But it turns out that the adoptive parents lied so that R/L couldn’t take their kid away. What a twist, I’m sure the kid will be back though. But I have one question: since R/L had the kid before starting their other families (where their oldest children are about 18), wouldn’t their son be fairly old by now? As in old enough not to be under the guardianship of parents and therefore can’t be readopted anyway? Yeah…
• Nate/Vanessa: They go on their two-month anniversary date, but we don’t get to see it. Vanessa buys him candy. Boring. Why is Nate barely on this show?
• Jack Bass is actually rather attractive for an older dude. Too bad he’s a conniving, evil, creeper of an uncle.
• How heartbreaking is it that Chuck has Bart’s photo on his dresser and wears Bart’s tie but then takes it off in the end? He really wanted to try, why can’t they just let him be happy? I love him, his character’s changed so much from when he was just a sketchy seducer of underage girls.
• I now hate Nelly Yuki a whole fricking lot. She was always kind of annoying but mostly forgettable, aside from her collection of hideous glasses. Her and Penelope are the most annoying of the underlings.
• The GG blast said that Serena and Dan share DNA. Like, no. That is very obviously incorrect.
• Blair: Your dad wrote you a letter, you have to read it.
• Nate: Yeah, aren’t you curious what it says?
• Chuck: I think I can already guess. You’re a disappointment of a son, I’d die of embarrassment if I wasn’t already. Why do you wear so much purple?
• Blair: Tuna fish? Why does he make things so hard for himself?
Talk about a complete 180 from this week’s serious subjects, I guess there’s a new teacher at constance, and she’s gotten on Blair’s bad side. And people are finding out about Yale admissions, despite the fact that ED decisions come out Dec. 15. Since you know, no one wants to go to any other college ever. There is only Yale.