Gossip Girl - "The Ex Files"

    Oh Gossip Girl. Another Josh Schwartz creation, specifically designed to suck you in and ruin your life. Delightful.

    Why yes, I do love Gossip Girl.  I avoided it all last year thinking it sounded awful, succumbed to peer pressure this summer, and became horribly addicted overnight.  Now I’m here to recap and share my observations, although not going to lie, it feels pretty good to be obligated to watch the show.  

    Season Two Recap

    • Dan/Serena – Serena dealt with the break-up by moping around all summer; Dan became a man-whore.  Got back together for one episode, but “couldn’t deal with problems” aka Dan can’t deal with “her world” (she’s not an alien Dan).
    • Chuck/Blair – Chuck regrets being an ass.  Blair brings back new man-candy to make him jealous.  Man-candy turns out to be a British lord pretending to be a common American (gaspnot).  Blair still has feelings for Chuck, but Chuck can’t say ILY, so she ditches.  Chuck develops a “problem” where he is only attracted to Blair.  Basically he’s still in love with her.  They hook up, but the lord Marcus takes Blair back.  Complicated.
    • Nate – Nate’s been hooking up with a married woman, Catherine.  Government starts taking away his family’s stuff to pay off debts, so he essentially becomes a male prostitute by continuing to hook up with said married woman in exchange for monies.  Even though he wants to be with Vanessa.  Apparently.  And Vanessa is being blackmailed by Catherine to be mean to Nate.  Nate has a lot of problems.
    • OH by the way, turns out Catherine is actually Marcus’s stepmom.  Weird quasi-incestuous twist.
    • Jenny – Not very interesting.  She’s still interning at Eleanor Waldorf’s.  Almost blows it by saying one of her dresses sucks, but saves it by helping during a black out.  Oh yea, there was a city-wide blackout.  Random.  

    “The Ex Files”
    It’s the first day of senior year, and no one wants to go to school, what with the awkward situations bound to ensue.  The day starts out normally enough for them, until Dan literally runs into a girl.  Of course, it’s the new transfer student who’s totally just like Dan.  I mean she’s even carrying a book by the author he interned for that summer!  Lame.  

    On the other side of the tracks, so to speak, Catherine the Cougar comes to bribe Vanessa to leave Nate alone.  $5000.  Obviously doesn’t work, since who would stay away from someone so pretty?  Vanessa goes to return the money later, but hears some funny noises.  Walks in on Catherine hooking up.  With Marcus.  As in her stepson.  Yeah.  Vanessa snaps a pic and leaves to ask Dan what she should do.  Dan directs her towards Blair, who is visibly upset about it.  But she makes Vanessa promise to let her handle it and not tell anyone else.  While V thinks B is ignoring the situation, Blair handles it perfectly, getting the two to agree to pay off the Captain’s restitution, and never speak of it again.  Unfortunately, Vanessa decides to stupidly take matters into her own hands and tells the dad/husband.  So pretty much Nate gets nothing, and N/V aren’t speaking.

    As a sidestory, Lily, just back from her honeymoon, goes to visit Rufus.  They hang out.  She comes back to hang out again because Bart’s on business and she’s lonely, but Rufus is dating someone and rejects her, saying how she chose her path and has to stick to it.

    D/S finally meet.  Awkward.  Well of course Dan wants to be friends, but guess who shows up out of nowhere?  Amanda the new girl, who Dan asked to lunch.  News spreads through GG and Blair decides to take action.  She bullies Amanda into eating lunch with them by being the lovable bitch she is.  Serena’s not pleased, but goes along with it.  Dan later yells at her about it, and Amanda goes behind the girls’ backs and asks Dan out that night.  Goes up on GG, and Serena, although mad about it, decides to go on a “date” with the two.  However, Serena gets set up with a guy there, and when Dan yells at her, she cuts straight to the core by saying how it hurt that he rebounded so quickly.  Instead of being nice, he shuts down like a jerk.  Chuck gets one of Blair’s lackeys to pour something on Amanda’s hair that makes it fall out.  Amanda leaves, but Dan blames Serena completely again.  Which flips her switch and brings back “Queen Serena”.  

    Twist: turns out Chuck paid Amanda to be female-Dan and make Serena jealous.  All in order to bring back Queen Serena and dethrone Blair.  So Serena’s in-charge again, and Dan’s been blacklisted.  


    • Draft Day.  Projects/Victims?  Come on.  Girls actually stand right in front of them, their pros/cons listed in a folder.  House in the Hamptons?  Yes.  Summer in the Adirondacks?  No.  But props for being real and straight to the point.  Maybe sorority rush could take a page out of that book (totally kidding, don’t hate).   
    • Why can’t Jenny find normal friends?  Maybe her age?  Slightly less bitchy?  No?  Ok.
    • Amanda’s hair.  Is so gross.  She should be thankful it fell out.  Ick.
    • Dan was a total ass in this episode.  So not a fan.  Guys deal so poorly with break-ups.
    • The Dan/Serena Rufus/Lily parallel is starting to sketch me out.  Too much quasi-incest.
    • Speaking of quasi-incest WTF WTF getting with your stepmom??!
    • Chuck.  Needs to get a life.

    Quote of the Week

    • B: “Are those last season Tory Burch flats?”
    • Girl: “…I got them on sale?”
    • <Incredulous looks.>/<Girl runs away in fear and embarrassment.>      

    Next week
    Next week is Fashion Week, and Blair’s got ins.  Unfortunately Serena takes the spotlight, and Blair’s not pleased.  New “Queen Serena” is tired of “holding herself back to not outshine Blair”.  Looks like their friendship’s on the outs?         


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